Do you feel lucky that you don't have a passionless, roommate-like marriage?

I got so depressed reading the thread about whether people regretted getting divorced from someone with whom they shared a passionless, roommate-like marriage (I posted there too), that I wanted to make sure there are actually some folks out there who don’t have passionless, roommate-like marriages (or LTRs).

So, tell me about your (hopefully long-term) passion-filled, lovers-living-together-in-bliss marriage/relationship! Give me some reassurance that it’s possible!

I have a fulfilling, deeply interesting and fabulous relationship with my husband. We are completely best friend, even though we bicker like any couple. We have been together 14 years, and married since 2003.

And it is totally possible - but you can’t chalk any of it up to “luck”. It comes from good decision making when I met him, and continuing work, mostly in the realm of communication.

IMO, no one should ever “settle”

I seem to fall more and more in love with my husband every day. We’ve been married for a year and a half, and together for about nine and a half. We’ve had ups and big downs, but we grew together and work pretty well together. We do argue and we get outside help to work through our big issues, but in the end, we both love each other and have a love and passion filled relationship.

Yes, I am very fortunate, indeed.

15 years, we’ve been very happy indeed. There’s passion-filled bliss, yep. :slight_smile:

We’ve known each other for less than 3 years and been married for less than 2… but I certainly still think he’s a damn fine hunk of man. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and still finding ways to get it on with him. I have no idea how I’m going to get through the 6-week postpartum period.

One thing we have going for us is that we’re unlikely to get “the grass is greener” syndrome, because we both had previous lives/relationships/marriage, and we know how good we have it now.

My husband and I have a happy, solid, snuggly relationship. We share a similar sense of humor, which helps. But I do feel very, very lucky. We married later in life than some couples, but everything is better together.

We’re going on five years of marriage, nine years together, and we’re madly in love. He’s amazing. Really, truly, awe-inspiringly spectacular both as a human being and a husband. And I’m a damned good wife too. Our personalities just mesh so well, we can talk for hours and enjoy the same kinds of things and yet we’re different enough to be challenged and entertained. And we’re different in ways that make us better as a couple - he’s really organized and responsible with money and I’m really passionate and creative and together we can accomplish so much more than we could apart.

We’re pretty lucky to have one another. It’s good to have that one thing in life you can count on, knowing that no matter how screwed up the rest of life gets, you’ve got this good, pure thing waiting at home to renew your spirit. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but the hard work and the hard times are more than worth it.

My husband and I have been married for 26 years. We’ve been through a lot in that many years, but nothing so bad we couldn’t handle it. We talk a lot, and that helps, I think. He’s a wonderful man, and I love him dearly. We’ve done quite well through it all, I think. It is hard work. But, it is totally worth it.

The Mrs. and I have been together (either dating, living together, or married) since 1973.

The sex is better than it’s ever been. It’s taken work and imagination to make that happen, but it has been been worth the effort, and then some.

Beyond that, we enjoy each other’s company, enjoy spending time together, don’t want to take separate vacations, and laugh a lot with each other.

We’re not joined at the hip; we each have our own friends, activities, and interests that the other doesn’t share. But we enjoy our mutual interests and friends together nearly every day.

We’ve had ups and downs and serious crises over the years, but what’s been most effective in getting through those is the fact that we talk to each other about how we’re feeling.

Just my two cents.

It’s not easy. Imho, the biggest hurdle is to sacrifice your own hurt feelings for the sake of the relationship. Tell each other what you want, apologize, and forgive.

I’ve been married for 22 years, although separated from my husband for around 10 and one of the main reasons was an ebb in the passion on my side. I’ve got friends in marriages which seem like business arrangements, I just wouldn’t be able to do that.

We don’t have a passionless, roommate-like marriage, but I wouldn’t call it particularly passionate either. My wife and I (married for 13 years, known each other for 25) are both rather even-keeled; neither of us have extreme highs or lows. That applies romantically as well- although we have great and frequent sex, I wouldn’t call it passionate. I’ve had passionate relationships in the past- the sex can be amazing, but I’ve found that “passion” often translates to “highly emotional” in the other, non-sexual aspects of a relationship. Let’s face it- passion takes energy, and career, kids, and maintaining a home and the lives of four people can sap one’s energy.

Often, we are like roommates. She’s at home during the day, maintains the house and takes the lead on shepherding the kids hither and yon. When I get home we all eat together, I help the kids with homework, we both clean up the place a bit, get the kids off to bed, pay bills, etc. It’s easy to allow yourself to drift into a place in the relationship where you’re both just working to maintain your lives. Often you have to make an effort to break out of the roommate structure.

We have what we feel is a fairly common married relationship- we love each other deeply, are eternally committed to each other, and enjoy romance on a level that works for us. It’s not passionate, but it’s perfect for us and neither of us would trade it for anything in the world.

Dated for 8 years, married for 1, and it’s been a good match-up.

I love the hubby very, very much, and believe that he feels the same about me. We grew up within the relationship, so, yeah, there’s been some rough spots in the teenage years.

I feel very lucky. Why I feel that way is right here. We’re better people together. I am calmer, happier and more relaxed knowing that someone in this world loves me no matter what. He’s more open about his emotions and more comfortable expressing them to me because he knows I truly care about him.

Together for 22 years, married for 20. We still make some people ask if we’re newlyweds. Not so much about the sex life (which is kept private, naturally), but about the passion they can see we have for each other. It doesn’t have to go away! But it definitely takes work & focus to keep those embers smoldering for that long. :wink:

I would say that you folks are very lucky indeed. Even if that luck came from hard work. :slight_smile:

We have the *best *marriage! We absolutely adore each other, still have tons of sex (10 years married, 12 together) just get along famously. We take care of each other and respect each other and it’s just easy and perfect. He’s the best thing in my life, and I have a pretty great life.

I was married for 11 years to someone I loved more, and was more in love with, when he died than when we married. My marriage wasn’t blissful. It was incredibly stressful because of his health, but our connection was profound and I’ll never settle for less.

And thanks to the dope, I’ve found someone else who fills my heart with as much joy and laughter. I thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but I no longer think so.

Anyone who tells you that marriage isn’t hard work is trying to sell you something, or is bald-faced lying to you.

I bet that’s the ultimate cause of many (most?) failed marriages- lack of effort on someone’s part to keep the thing going. I can see how it would be really easy to decide that you’d had enough, and then let your side down, and then the resentment would build, and it would spiral out of control from there.

I also think that romance movies and novels and stuff like that can be pretty corrosive to marriages (as can porn). I think many women who read that stuff expect fireworks, grandiose gestures and things that can be unrealistic for real people with real jobs and real amounts of money.

My wife and I have a great relationship- very close, affectionate and friendly. We’re best friends and we really enjoy each other’s company. It’s not always heat and fireworks, but it is romantic and it is close.