Do you have any strange people in your neighborhood?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I’m the strange kid in my neighborhood. Some mothers even used to tell their kids to stay away from me because they thought I was evil or something. Now I’m just the crazy teenager. I was walking around the neighborhood wearing fairy wings this summer, and some kid had the nerve to make fun of me and tell me I’d never get a date because I’m so immature. The next night my sister and a couple other neighbors and I got him back, called him a jerk, laughed at him, etc. Normally I don’t make fun of people like that, but the kid was really being a moron so he deserved it.

Right now I live on the 4th floor of a college dorm, which happens to be haunted. So the ghost is my “strange neighbor” at the moment.

22

oh, oh… that is illegal in some parts of the world… does he have sheep?

23

jasg… I wish I didn’t get that…

Where did I go wrong??

24

2 doors down from my house live Count Dracula. He only comes out at night. He never mowes his lawn and his house looks like it has been abandoned. He has been in trouble with the FCC on many occasions. He liked to listen in on folks having conversation on cordless phones, type up the whole thing and mail it to the person. He also had some short wave equipment that would override every television in a half mile radius. The FCC took that equipment and his 60 foot tall antenna too. He has been working the past few years and has been staying out of trouble.

We also have the one legged lady that lives around the corner. She use to race around the neighborhood in a beat up Camaro till the police impounded it. Now she has a 3 wheeled bike. If she stops she will start hollering for someone to give her a push to get moving again. She used to throw rocks at kids in the neighborhood but she got in some serious trouble for that and quit. .

And I can’t forget Ray that lives across the street. He has never sold any car he has owned the last 35 years. He has about 20 cars on his property and some of the neighbors let him park cars in their driveway for a total of maybe 30 cars. He says he is going to restore them when he retires. Most of the cars are basically junk and most are not worth restoring. We do have one thing in common though, we both own 1966 GTO’s. Mine is fully restored and only comes out on sunny days. His is rusting away and will never be worth fixing.

25

Lets see…

There’s the guy who is retired and mows his lawn 8 hours a day (no, I’m not kidding, that’s 8, eight, hours), he’s the neighbor on the right side of my house.

On the left there is a guy who shot my dog about 8 years ago (don’t worry, it lived) and who really hates it when anyone walks on the side of the road closest to his house… That gets to him for some reason…

They’re both ex-cops (I don’t know if this has anything to do with it…).

Technically this one doesn’t count, but there’s the lady down the street who disappeared a couple of years ago. They never did find her… I woke up one morning and saw guys with guns drawn looking into my tool shed and digging through my garden (I got off easy, the guy down the street had a locked trailer broken into because he wasn’t home).
I guess you could count her (ex?) husband as being kinda odd…

And who can forget the guy down the street that shoots cats? I went up to his door once (he had let my dad borrow a power tool and I was returning it) and I saw him inside. He didn’t see me, as he was looking out a window that faces away from the driveway. He had camoflage on and he was looking through binoculars back and forth over his back yard. In his other hand was a rifle.
Anyway… I have an odd neighborhood.

26

Well, there’s the strange guy I always encounter in the laundry room. He invades your space and says the same thing every time: “Don’t you wish there was a machine that would do your laundry, and make the coffee, and run the vacuum, and buy the groceries, and clean the house, and…”. Every single time.

My favorite fellow is the dude I always see at the bus stop. He’s a very tall and thin guy who is always perfectly color co-ordinated. One day it will be a purple suit, with a purple shirt, a purple tie, and purple shoes. Some days the ensemble is red. He even matches his socks - you can tell because his pants end about 3 inches above his ankles.

27

Hehehe.

I ride my bike to and from school everyday, so I see some pretty weird stuff at 6:30 in the morning and 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon.

There are some people who apparently leave their garage door open all day. They have set up some plastic chairs in there, and everytime I ride my bike by they are sitting there–three or four people. One of them is the same every time but the others change. They seem perfectly normal. I have no idea what is so fascinating that they sit in their chairs and stare out at the neighborhood all day.

My neighborhood as a big basketball court. Lots of people like to use it. About a year ago there were these two teenagers (I didn’t recognize them from school at all, but they looked familiar) who would go out and sit there and stare at anyone who tried to walk on there and use the court. Eventually the association got them away from there but it was kinda creepy.

28

Rostfrei,
Why don’t you offer a ride to the old lady once a week or so ? Seriously. No old person should have to walk two hours a day to do groceries.

29

Well excuse them for it NOT being their fault. Did it ever occur to you that YOU might be the wierd one not them???

stomps off to spend time with her handicapped kids

30

Yes… me. :smiley:

31

The better question around here is who in our neighborhood is NOT wierd (at least by contemporary, media driven, urban United States standards)

We have the 60 year old developmentally disabled gent across the street with three BIG dogs - when the dogs go out of the house they sometimes bark and run away. He ALWAYS comes out the front door of the house and simply stands on the porch and yells at the top of his lungs to the dogs - no matter how far away they are!

Then there’s the fellow down the street who seems to compulsively wash his cars almost every day of the week. It seems that no matter what the weather, he’s out in the street in usually not much more than sneakers and shorts (a nice sight, actually, considering his physique :smiley: ) with hose and bucket. It can be a rainy day, a cold day, doesn’t seem to matter.

My two immediate next door neighbors are:
East - a very sweet and gentle hearted 84 year old widower who talks to all the neighborhood cats and …
West - two fabulous and very entertaining 300 pound lesbians, one of whom drives a cab, the other apprantely channels dead movie stars.

Or how about the 92 year old lady down the street who served as a WAVE in WWII and still walks to the post office every day, holding conversations with anyone who will listen along the way.

Or the couple who compulsively work in the yard all hours, all days - never a weed is safe in that yard.

Or the guy five houses down that drives through the neigborhood every morning on his way to work at about 5 MPH, stopping in front of almost every driveway.

And then there’s me - the single Harley riding fag with the purple trim on his bunglaow…

Must be the water.

Oh wait - nope, it’s just Portland.

32

HEY!

I talk to all the neighborhood cats… and the dogs… I know their names but not the names of their people…

I’m only 37!

Oh oh!

Me at a delivery: “I thought the address looked familiar… I have delivered here before I remember that dog!”

33

Mrs. Bouffard, your standard crazy old lady down the block, lives about three houses down. At least I assume that’s her name, because the name “Bouffard” is emblazoned on her house. I have lived in my current apartment for 3 years in April.I have off-street parking, but occationally, my landlord parks in my spot, which isn’t a big deal, because I can usually park right in front of my house on the street. Except when the house across the street has a party, and all the spots are taken.

The first time I parked in front of Mrs. B’s house, she immediately ran to her door and screamed “YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CAR. YOU PARKED INFRONT OF MY DRIVEWAY.” Confused, and not yet aware that she was a nut, I honestly looked around to figure out what I had done. True, the curb dipped down in two places, as with a normal driveway, but there was three inches of grass where a driveway would have been. And if there HAD been a paved driveway, it would have been pretty short: there was a fence blocking the space between her house and the one next to it.
“But there isn’t a driveway.” I foolishly argued. That set her off. Screaming, she informed me that it was HER driveway, and I was tresspassing. Keep in mind, I am parked ON THE STREET. Not wanting to deal, I put on my most patronizing smile and said, “All right, I tend to not get excited about small problems like this. I’ll move my car.”

Another time I parked in front of her “driveway” she left a note. Didn’t catch me fast enough. HAH!

But the best was after I had had a horrid day. Once again, no spots in front of my house. So I parked NEAR her “driveway.” Not in front of, not blocking. Out comes Bouffard.
“Are you leaving this car here overnight?”
“Since I LIVE on this street, yea.”
“Well, I need you to move it.” She apparently had decided her “driveway” extended past the end of the curb.
“No. My car is four feet from the curb.”
“I’m just asking you to move your car from my driveway.”
“And if you’d take the time to examine where I parked my car before getting hysterical, you’d see my car ISN’T in front of your ‘driveway.’” I used air-quotes. I was in a really bad mood, see.
“Listen here, I’ll call the police…”
“Please do. I’m legally parked. You’ll be the one looking like a fool when you haul the police away from legitimate crime stopping.” As I said this, I slammed my door and started walking up the street.
“I’m going to do it! I’m calling the police!” She knew she had been beaten.
“Please. Be my guest.” said my patronizing voice.

My car was still in place the next morning, unticketed. And I felt better for sticking up to what is in essance, a bully parading around as an old lady. since then, I’ve caught her pearing out through the curtain on her door as I drive by. I always wave pleasently.

34

sigh I miss my hometown! There was the lady we called The Doctor–she wore a labcoat and nothing else, shaved her head and had “I masturbate” tattooed on her forehead.

Then there was this cute little couple. The girl dressed like a lumberjack and the guy dressed in flouncy women’s negligees until it got too cold–then he switched to shorts and t-shirts.

I could go on and on! That alone seems kind of scary to me!

35

There are a set of for lack of a better word, ladies, in my neighborhood who, every spring, case our house when Kelly and I put in our annuals in the front garden. They walk back and forth slowing down, whispering and pointing in front of our house. If it is drizzling, they drive. What wierdos. What could possibly be so facinating about 2 women planting pansies?

BTW: the reason she doesn’t carry 2 bags is that it would be too heavy and might hurt her back. It is nice to call an umbrella a parasol if it is carried when it is not raining. Would it seem so odd if she were out for a power walk with weights strapped to ankles and wrists? Be grateful this is how she gets her exercise rather than wearing skimpy spandex and briskly walking back and forth in front of your house.

36

If you do a search, you will find out about the crazy lady next door to me.

37

We’re the crazy ladies. Because we’re ho-mo-sexual and I’m a Jew. Also, we grow mint in the front yard.

Are you sure she’s not holding the umbrella to keep the sun off her skin?

38

We are the wacky neighbors.
Me, mom, bro, and mom’s boyfriend.
Me- Pagan
Mom- New age psychic
T (the b/f)- Christian Scientist.
Bro- Apostolic
Yep, we have interesting conversations.
My bro and I do nt work. Bums? No, we live in Florida. 'Nuff said.

We are too poor to fix the hole in the roof so we have plastic, tarps, wood and cinderblocks up there to keep out the rain which SOMETIMES works.

I also volunteer for an unidentified remains database. (doenetwork dot org) so I LIKE to talk about dead people.

I was also accused of being a terorist and fired from the local college AND kicked out of school. I swear I’m not a terrorist.
Since I’m not working, I am doing yard work, so the redneck image is slowly going away.
There are only two cars in the driveway now. We got rid of the broken ones.
Since I am 6ft tall and mumble mumble pounds, I often get accused of being a lesbian. That doesn’t really bother me, until people tell me to come out of the closet and PERSIST in it, even after I tell them I’m not gay.
I’m a loner too, but the only weapon i own is a ceremonial sword that is too dull to cut warm butter.

Oh, I’m sure I have more.

39

Well, there’s a guy in my old neighborhood who used to polish his mailbox…

Yeah, I know, not very exciting. One day the neighbor kid stuck a quarter stick of dynamite in it and blew it to pieces all over the street, just to see what he’d do.

There are also the people who have a 15-foot-high pile of poop in their yard. We’re assuming it’s all animal poop, since they won’t allow anyone to go see it, and we know of its existence because their neighbor complained that the nitrogen runoff was killing every tree within a thirty-foot radius.

We’re not sure how it got there, but they have three horses and 10 bull mastiffs. How much can thirteen animals poop, anyway?

40

[Jeff Goldblum]That’s one big pile of shit.[/Jeff Goldblum]