Do you have lots of money?

I recently calculated that if Bill Gates gave me a gift of .001% of his net worth, I would be set for life, and then some. So if you have any ungodly amounts of money just sitting around, please don’t feel obligated to keep all of it. Being the cow god doesn’t pay very well, this summer has been kinda slow and I have to pay some bills(college isn’t cheap). Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say no more…

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
– Calvin and Hobbes
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According to the Wall Street Journal:
If Bill Gates bought a custom made Italian sports car for $800,000 it would be the same as you or me spending 57 cents at Walgreen’s.
And the question: What is the age of the universe, and it’s relation to BG’s money?
If 1 dollar equaled 1 year, Bill Gates is three times older than the universe.
Have a happy day.

There’s no denying that Gates is really rich, but the huge majority of his money is just “on paper”, i.e., tied up in Microsoft stock and some other investments. If the market takes a little dip, he can lose billions of dollars in a single day.
If he were to sell off even 1% of his shares of Microsoft stock, it would affect the stock price significantly, and his net worth could drop as much as several hundred million dollars.
Some analysts even claim that if Gates starts selling off his stock in MS, that lack of faith in the company will cause its share price to plummet to near nothing. I don’t buy that, but it’s been said.

I’m not a warlock. I’m a witch with a Y chromosome.

Especially because Bill has little to do with how the company is run. Bill, now, is an idea man and a figurehead. Steve Balmer makes all the Presidential decisions for the company and deals with all the business.

To deal with men by force is as impractical as to deal with nature by persuasion.

OH Mighty Cow Deity <prostrating myself before your bovineness>

I do have LOTS of money. It’s just that the bills cancel out the mula. I’m sure in your benevolentness you can udderstand this dilemma.

The Czech’s in the male.
Sorry, I just had to say that.

If you are going to the University of Toledo, I’ll give you my sheepskin. See if you can use it as a receipt and get a refund.

Good Luck.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
- Ambrose Bierce

Shirley, surely you mean moooola.

Sorry, Cow God, the only thing I can give you is advice - but I’m even afraid to do that. I might give you a bum steer.

Obviously, the Cow God needs better representation down here on Earth. All the other gods seem to be raking it in with the help of women with big hair and tons of makeup and men who go around smaking people in the forehead.

Considered selling some of your parts directly to your friendly neighborhood butcher?

I’d offer to buy you dinner, but with 4 stomachs to fill - well, I’m not sure I could afford it.

I heard once that a kid put an ad in several newspapers asking for people to send a dollar so he could afford college. If I remember correctly he had enough people give him money that he had money left over. Does anyone else remember this, or do I have Mad Cow’s desease?

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
– Calvin and Hobbes
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If Bill Gates loses half his money his lifestyle wouldn’t change one iota. If I lost even 5% of my income my lifestyle would change a lot.

I read he is worth 11 Billion Dollars but that seems a little high.

Hi Honey, I played poker and lost 5 or 6 BILLION. But we’re still rich.
Imagine that.

Your Bovine Worshipfulness,

As your humble and utterly faithful herder…er…follower, I want to you repeat this manta. [Bold]There will never be enough mooola [/Bold] Repeat it until it makes sense and you will find yourself filled with inner peace and a lighter, but happier wallet.

Mr. CowGod:
Actually, I do remember that, but as I recall, it was some punk who put in a plea to Bob Greene for his readers (Bob’s, not the punk’s) to send him a penny. Most people sent in at least a few bucks or a nickle or whatever and the kid wound up with like $15,000 for college. Nice work if you can get it.

“I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”

But we know he is not serious, otherwise he would have given an address to mail the money to. duh.

Actually at last count BG was worth in the area of 70 billion dollars, yes seven zero followed by nine more zeroes. This figure fluctuates at the same pace as Microsoft does on the market.

To put this in perspective, if you won a 7 million dollar lotto jackpot 10,000 times, you would be able to equal the weatlh of Bill Gates.

Imagine the joy you would derive from winning just 7 million dollars, then just imagine doing so 10,000 times…The only question would be whether you go crazy or die from a heart attack.

I’m surprised no one has already posted the following (it may be a bit dated):

Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?

In answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?”

I submit the following:

Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.

Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he’ll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!

Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.

If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike)

He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be ‘reimbursed’ $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into his tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9500 for such accounts at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st, 1997.

If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics.He’ll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.

Next year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all of our past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn’t it? BUT…




I also read that if Bill Gates saw a $100 bill on the ground, he’d be losing money if he stopped to pick it up.

If you can’t spend the money, why even have it? I do know that he and his wife generously gave $6 Billion to a charity they started, but if that’s still chump change, why not give out more? Makes you wonder how many calls and letters he gets asking for handouts.

Umm, excuse me, but whether one is or is not a fan of Bill Gates (I’m not, particularly, though he doesn’t bother me as much as some other public figures), a gift of $6 billion is not “chump change” by any rational standard.

Speaking generally and not about Mr. Gates, making qualitative judgments about other people’s generosity is a very bad habit, in my opinion. It is ungracious in itself, and it tends to discourage future generosity.