Not necessarily every conversation, but the potential has to be there. Obviously YMMV, but for me to be friends with somebody we have to be able to talk on the same level, so to speak.
They don’t have to enjoy all of them, but if we have no interests in common at all then at the very least I want to be able to have an intelligent conversation with them. I have one friend from the army (military service is compulsory in Finland) I would’ve never met in civilian life and we don’t have many overlapping hobbies. But we can talk about politics or art or share anecdotes about our past.
Often when I meet with my friends we play games - that alone would make it pretty hard for a stupid person to be included as an equal member to those gatherings. They would have trouble grasping the rules in the short time we allocate for that, then they would be crushed in the game itself, possibly irritating everybody if they took forever to take their turns. Or they would be one factor contributing to us losing the game if it is a co-op game against the board like Arkham Horror.
That’s just one example, it’s not like being a gamer is mandatory to be my friend. Being smart pretty much is, though. I have a limited amount of time to be social and I’d rather spend that time with my intellectual peers. I’m not claiming its the best or only way to do things but I also see no reason whatsoever to go out of my way to find stupid friends just so I can say I have some.
I suppose it could happen. But generally, making friends is just something that sort of happens, not something I do conciously. I don’t really say “I think that person is interesting and unusual, and I’d like to know their perspective - so why don’t I go and make friends with them?”. More like I hang with someone, then that happens again, then I help them out with something, then they help me out, and I realize I have a friend.
I dunno - I’m not claiming I am “smart”. Or that I make friends to learn new persectives, or for any other laudable goal of self-improvement.
Again, I don’t make friends to make any sort of point, it is just something that happens.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Friendship isn’t always about what someone can do for you (good conversation, make you feel good, etc.). Sometimes it’s about what you can do for them, expecting nothing in return.
I AM the stupid friend. I’m just fucking great company.
In my close circle of friends are high profile, highly successful people in it with whom I’ve been friends for years. Some I’ve known a lifetime, others less than a decade. Intellectually and professionally they can all wipe the floor with me.
Sure, but the issue is how this relationship came to exist.
Friendship is like love. True love isn’t “about” how pretty or smart the other person is, or what they can do for you - if my wife was in a terrible accident, I wouldn’t cease to “love” her because she was injured and no longer pretty or intelligent. But how did I come to be attracted to her in the first place? Well, that was fairly superficial - I thought she was hot. It was only after that attraction, that I discovered all her good qualities that make her lovable long-term; now, that relationship existing, it may well be that I’d do everything for her, even if I could expect nothing in return.
However, I’d be lying if I said it was at all likely that I’d have sought out someone who could never have done anything for me, to “love” in that same manner. It would be unlikely to happen.
Similarly, with friends. Sure, once the relationship of friendship has been established, friends can (and indeed, it is the height of friendship to) act selflessly towards one another … but, aside from the context of deliberate charity work, I find that people are unlikely to deliberately seek out as “friends” those who can do nothing for you, have nothing to offer except the chance to do them favours.
I’m talking about enjoying someone’s company, not making a point and definitely not to “improve” myself.
You talk about helping people out with things and vice-versa. Having friends with different abilities than your own makes these scenarios more likely, as why get help with something you can do yourself? While it would be cool to have an extra version of myself around and we would be great friends, we’d still have time for other kinds of people too.
Do only smart people have the ability to do anything for you?
Are only your smartest friends going to give you a ride to chemo or show up at your house with a pie and listen to you? When you are wrongfully arrested, is it your smartest friend who will work tirelessly to get you out of jail? Who is most likely to help you build your deck/take care of your dog when you are in the hospital/come to your mother’s funeral? Only smart people?
“Cute” is how I have managed to survive being dumb and surly. People think I have a great sense of humor, but I am actually just lost most of the time so I lash out at others. No one believes me so they think I am making jokes.
I don’t see any situation in which I could become friends with someone with Down Syndrome. Getting to know somebody isn’t the same thing as being their friend. If I wanted to get acquainted with a person with Down Syndrome just so I could learn about how they tick and what their life was like, that’s more like a case study than being their friend. I’d rather read about it, in that case. Besides, it would probably hurt them to be used that way.
For the record, I have many acquaintances but a handful of friends. I don’t consider just talking to somebody as friendship, even if I talk to them many times. I know some other people see that differently.
I have friends who probably fall below average on the IQ scale or however you want to measure intelligence, but I am not friends with anyone I would consider truly stupid. A truly stupid person makes one terrible life decision after another and I do know those people, but they are not my friends.
This whole issue reminds me of a high school buddy who was not your 40W bulb type but we were “good friends” for a while.
One day he said, “Don’t tell me anything new; I don’t want to crowd my brain with too much.” He appeared to believe that! I had the mental picture of a BB in a tin can.
I can’t think of anyone I’m friends with who is genuinely stupid.
Of course, my standard for “stupid” is probably a bit more stringent that a lot of people on an internal message board, who will classify as “stupid” anyone they feel isn’t as smart as they are or who disagrees with them. To me “stupid” is someone of whom a lack of intelligence is an unavoidably noticeable aspect of their character, and it’s really not a super common thing.
I certainly do know a few stupid people, but they’re old schoolmates or work acquaintances or what have you, not really “friends.”
I don’t really believe people are “stupid”. There are retarded people, regular people, and geniuses. I’m friends with all three types, though genius and retarded are both pretty rare. There are friends who spout stupid conservative soundbites and can’t do math and drink Miller Ultra Light and listen to bro country, all of which I think are stupid traits. Still, they are smart about baseball or fishing or the outdoors or whatever. Everyone has something to offer.
Or that I make friends to learn new persectives, or for any other laudable goal of self-improvement.
