Let’s say you made a new acquaintance of whichever sex you find most attractive. This person is physically beautiful in all the ways that push your buttons; she or he is also intelligent, well-read, and curious about the world. He or she is also quite loyal, compassionate, trustworthy – all those other virtues.
But your new acquaintance is not perfect. As far as you can see, she or he either has no sense of humor or chooses never to express it. She or he never tells a joke, never utters a wry remark about life’s verities. I don’t mean that the person is dour or perpetually depressed; that’s not the case, and nor does the person criticize others for making humorous remarks or urge others to be more serious. Heck, the person is even known to smile when happy and weep when sad. But humor and silliness seem outside the scope of his or her experience.
Could you date this person? Become close friends? Why or why not? If you were willing to do either, would you try to get the person to loosen up?
I could be an acquaintance, I suppose, but not a close friend, and I certainly wouldn’t date someone humorless. One of my favorite things about my husband is that his sense of humor is similar to mine.
Hell, I won’t even watch TV and read books about characters that have no sense of humor unless something about the plot or setting is sufficiently compelling to make it worth my while despite that glaring deficiency.
/edit: I forgot the why. Because it’s boring like death. Also, I will try to make jokes for a while to see if someone’s just shy rather than lacking in humor. If they’re completely unresponsive, I’ll continue to make jokes, though, just to entertain myself.
I could have fun poking that person in the ribs for a while but the charm would wear off soon. Once I figured out that they would never “loosen up” (which is kind of an unfair way to put it) I wouldn’t be able to have much fun around them.
Never. The biggest thing that attracted me to my man was and his wit; he’s got a scathing, funny, sense of humor, and he has me in stitches sometimes. Sometimes I’m crying he makes me laugh so hard. This life can be goddamn hard sometimes, and the man I want to grow old with had better be able to laugh with me at its inanities the whole way through.
Cameras. Though for most purposes microphones are more than adequate.
What about friendship? Remember that we’re postulating someone whose intelligent, well-read, capable of holding his own in conversation, sympathetic, and so forth. Just not given to joking or laughing.
I have a few friends whose humor is 90 degrees off mine. I cannot make them laugh no matter what I say, and when they tell a joke, sometimes it’s obvious they’re telling a joke, but what they say just confuses or irritates me. It gets old when I get nothing but earnest responses to tongue-in-cheek or deadpan humor, which is about 50% of everything that comes out of my head.
I can tolerate it in friends, particularly since I have others that get me and who I get. I tried tolerating it in someone I was attracted to for other reasons (otherwise intelligent and sensual), but it drove me crazy after a while. I couldn’t sustain a longterm relationship with someone who doesn’t get my humor.
I myself laugh a lot, but I don’t think I make other people laugh very often. I’m not witty, I never think of just the right zinger in the right moment…but I find other people (situations, etc.) very funny. So I don’t require that any partner of mine produce humor for me to laugh at, but I definitely would want someone who could laugh at the world along with me.
People who never find anything funny are probably fundamentally broken in some way. The only person I knew intimately like this was my grandmother, who (coincidentally or not) was an abusive Borderline Personality psycho. No sense of humor at all is a red flag for me.
Yeah, I could do friends. Even close friends. I do have friends who apparently have no sense of humor, or a radically different sense of humor than mine.
I’d wonder if they really didn’t ever find anything funny, though. Maybe they just like Larry the Cable Guy or the guy who has the creepy ventroliquist dummies - I don’t find those funny, but humor is subjective. Maybe they find “A Modest Proposal” funny. But nothing? I might think they are broken also. That doesn’t preclude a friendship, though.
This theoretical person appears to be missing a fundamental aspect of humanity. No. A huge part of my camaraderie with friends and family is making truly awful puns, and laughing or groaning at them together.
I mean, no sense of humor whatsoever? Never laughs at jokes or makes jokes of ANY kind? Can sit through an entire episode of South Park or Monty Python without laughing? This isn’t comprehensible.
Gawds, no. An informal friend, maybe, but certainly no one I’d want to have a long-term and physical relationship with.
To begin with, I ascribe to the firm belief that sex should be fun. Not just because of the obvious intent of having sex in the first place, but because it should be fun with whomever you’re having it with, and that means enjoying yourself and having a good time and laughing if the mood strikes you.
If you can’t go through life able to laugh at anything, you are missing far too much for your own mental health’s sake.
Certainly not a romantic relationship. One of the first things people learn about me is that I’m goofy. Not only would it be no fun at all for me to have someone who wasn’t the same, but I think it would be impossible to feel anything other than that she was simply tolerating my goofiness. Awkward. No thanks.
I don’t know if that person would ever become a close friend, but I don’t have a lot of difficulty imagining a casual friendship who had those other positive attributes.
Certainly not a romantic relationship, and probably not a friendship, either. I met someone who didn’t find out for quite a while that I had a sense of humour; when I found that out, I was horrified that she had been taking everything I said seriously for that whole time! Dear God, no! That way lies madness!
I worked with a very nice lady for almost two years, who as far as I could tell was amiable and pleasant and all around nice, but no sense of humour. My relationship with her just never got beyond cordial because of it - joking around with people is how you get friendly with people, in my experience.
As long as they don’t find it irritating as easily 95% of everything I say are jokes; I truly appreciate people keeping deadpan straight face whether they get it or not… Obviously I couldn’t possibly go out or be friends with anyone continuously getting all serious and offended all the time.
I don’t think I could even be friends with someone who had no sense of humor. It’s just too important. And I find it informative; the things that do make a person laugh can tell a lot about him/her.
Not just because of the obvious intent of having sex in the first place, but because it should be fun with whomever you’re having it with, and that means enjoying yourself and having a good time and laughing if the mood strikes you.