Do you have the slightest clue where you live?

The BBQ Pit
1

Fucking imbecile!!!

It was a simple question.

“I am at XXX. How do I get to your house from here?”

The correct answer:

Turn right onto 9 and drive about 2 miles.

The answer I got

“Get onto 9 and drive through town. We’re outside of the town, across from the XXX Hotel.”

Well, here’s the hitch you mouthbreathing fucking redneck idiot.

In order to drive THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKING TOWN, I have to turn LEFT ON 9!

Oh, I drove through town alright. I drove down 9N and 9. I drove for over an hour, back and forth, trying to figure out why I couldn’t see the goddamn fucking hotel. I tried calling you back to get better directions. You confused me so much I tried calling the hotel. They didn’t answer the phone.

Know why I couldn’t see the goddamn fucking hotel you fucking moron? Because you had me DRIVE THROUGH THE PIECE OF SHIT TOWN!

So, I called you back. I said,

“I just left XXX (my original starting point). I am now at YYY (midway between XXX and THE TOWN. What am I doing wrong?”

The answer I got varied from minute to minute. It all boiled down to, I needed to be driving through the town to get to his house.

Now, I can understand having a completely shitty sense of direction. But, telling me, “We don’t live IN a town, we live on 9”, is just a really fucking dumb way of telling me you don’t have a single clue where you actually live.

Let me clue you in fuckwad.

You live in the town of K, right on the border of the town of P. The hotel you live across from, is in the town of P. You do not live ANYWHERE NEAR THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING TOWN! TO GET TO YOU, FROM XXX, IT IS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY TO DRIVE THROUGH THE TOWN.

Here’s another helpful hint you should know.

Point XXX is a major fucking natural wonder. It’s a massive tourist attraction. It’s one of the most beautiful places in this whole shitty state. Actually, it’s one of the top most beautiful places in the whole Northeast - possibly the country even! You live less than 2 miles from it. THE TOWN is about 7 miles in the totally opposite direction.

How can you own a home (trailer actually), in this TOWN, the same town which houses this massive natural wonder, without actually knowing where your house is, in relation to the center of town and the BIG FUCKING HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY? THE ONE WITH ALL THE WATER RUNNING THROUGH IT?

Fucking dickhead.

And clean your motherfucking house! I didn’t even go in there but I know it’s a pigsty. I know this because my niece got in my car and brought with her the lovely smell of CAT PISS! Thank you all so much, you fucking assholes. My nice new car now smells like piss. I had both windows down, going 55MPH and driving past farms (and abundant manure piles) and I could still smell the cat piss.

Oh, and a hearty thank you to the nice lady in the convenience store who told me (in about 10 seconds) how to get to your house.

Wow, I feel so much better now.

2

Who are these people and why did you need to go visit them?

3

Ugh, I wasn’t going to visit them. My niece was visiting them. I was going to pick her up. I was doing my sister a favor. She did me a favor. She said I didn’t have to pay her back the $17 I owe her for my Japanese food, because of all the gas I wasted today.

Before, anyone asks why I didn’t stop and ask for directions sooner…

I honestly thought I was losing my mind. He sounded so damn sure of what he was talking about. Despite the fact that I am not a man and therefore am completely capable of asking for directions, I was afraid of looking like a complete fool (like the time I was in NYC and asked a cop where FAO Schwartz was and found out I was right in front of it).

Well, I look like one now. I have a great sense of direction. He does not. I should have trusted my gut the first time it told me that he was an idiot.

4

OK, so why was your niece visiting what sounds like a trailerful of tweeked-up cat-hoarding hillbillies?

5

Just be glad she didn’t need to visit a shackfull of toothless, gater-rasslin’ yokels.

Getting lost is one thing, but I’m guessing you can’t drive a fanboat.

6

If I have to ask for directions I usually ask at least two totally independent people.

The way I give directions (in Toronto) is “Go north on N street to Y avenue. Turn left (west) at Y and go L street (the one with the big ugly church on the corner). Go right (north) on L and I’m at number 16.”

But in other parts of the world they don’t do north/south like that, instead they say something like “Go up the street until you get to the church; then turn right and it’s right across from the grocery store.” (I understand they have to do it this way because their streets don’t go nicely north/south east/west like they do here, and because that street’s name changes every three blocks. That’s why I always carry a map when I am in such places.)

And in other parts of the world they change their street names so frequently that each person you ask will refer to it differently.

And sometimes people only know one single route so that’s the way they’ll direct you, even if it’s far from the most efficient for you.

The very worst experience was when I was going to an event on a native reserve. The organizer sent out a map/directions, which he produced by putting “[Name of reserve] community centre” into Google maps. Of course Google didn’t know about the community centre so it directed us smack into the geographic centre of the native reserve, which we didn’t realize until we were on a county road in the middle of nowhere, miles away from the closest building.

7

If point XXX is where I think it is, yeah, what a gorgeous spot! Went there a few times as a kid.

If I were you, I would have stayed there and skipped the cat piss altogether, YMMV.

:wink:

8

Here’s how you handle that situation in the future:

“You go to X street, turn right onto Y, and then you want to go past the-”

“Yeah, fuck that. What’s your address?”

“Uh, 1540 B Street.”

“I’ll MapQuest it. See you in fifteen minutes.”

ETA: also, what the hell is point XXX? I wouldn’t have been curious if the OP hadn’t said how great it is.

9

Unless the sun is rising or setting and I can easily tell which direction north is, that’s just plain confusing.

10

Mapquest? That’s so 1990s. Type the address into your phone and let the GPS work it out.

11

Cell phones have GPS now?

Huh. Guess that '90s crack is pretty accurate then. Welp, at least the music is better back here. :slight_smile:

12

Screw that. Type the phone # into the car and let it do the work.

13

HA HA HA HA HA! Men are social retards! HA HA HA HA HA! It’s soooooooooooo true! Also, women can’t be president because they would menstruate all over legislation!

14

So you’ve been to Atlanta, have you? :smiley:
Not only do some street’s names change every three blocks, but we even decided to give a large variety of streets the same name.

Whitehall St. becomes Peachtree St. which becomes Peachtree Rd. which becomes Peachtree Industrial Blvd., which splits in two, one of which is named Peachtree Pkwy (and can also be called Medlock Bridge Rd., depending on which street sign you look at), which later becomes Bethelview Rd, while the other split, continuing as Peachtree Industrial Blvd., becomes McEver Rd. This doesn’t include N. Peachtree Rd. which intersects with it at one point, and later has offshoots such as N. Peachtree Circle as well. That’s probably not even the worst example of road naming we have here. Don’t even get me started on the whole north/south, east/west aspects (or lack thereof).

15

and this
Ausable Chasm. This
My niece was there because she’s on vacation and was visiting her aunt. I’m assuming the man was her uncle. I’ve never met the fool.

16

You’ve caused me to have a flashback! Years ago I got progressively lost in southern Virginia, mostly due to taking an exit that said “Washington -->” only to learn there’s a small town named Washington in the south/central part of the state that’s not at all related to Washington, D.C.

Eventually I was well and truly turned-around. All I needed to do was get back on a road leading to the major highway – any interstate would be clear enough on my map to guide me back to civilization.

I stopped when I saw a couple sitting on their porch, and asked their assisitance as politely as I could.

They spoke English, but they didn’t seem to understand my question. Even though I knew I was only a few minutes from a major multilane interstate, I couldn’t ask them how to get to it in language that brought any light of understanding to their eyes. Name and number of the road, nope. “The Interstate?” Nope. “The Highway?” Nope. “Back to the city?” Nope. North? Nope. Cain’t rightly say.

Just a lot of chin-scratching, mutual consulting, mumbling, and squinting off into vague distance.

Finally, exasperated, I asked them, "When you leave here to go anywhere – anywhere in the world other than here – which way do you go?

They pointed me to the highway.

:stuck_out_tongue:

Sailboat

17

Unless you still have to manually turn the steering wheel that sounds more like '20s. I guess we should synchronize our timelines to avoid misunderstandings.

18

This is how I want to ask for all directions from now on.

19

Seriously. If I had just asked that, it would have only taken me about 3 minutes to get to his house.

20

May I digress momentarily? Fuck mapquest in its stupid, wrong ass. Last time I went to Atlanta, it took me 8 hours. It should be more like 3 and a half, but mapquest said the amphitheatre was right outside ATL, on the other side of the city from where I was coming from. Those directions led absolutely NOWHERE. Tried asking for directions, but all the information I had on the place itself was that I was going to HiFi Buys Amphithetre, which apparently is not called that by ANYONE in ATL. Even the signs to the goddamn place say Lakewood, so nobody could give directions. But that didn’t stop them from trying! We got to Atlanta after that 3.5 hours, and spent the next 4.5 in the general vicinity, driving in the most retarded directions possible. Long story short, I missed two of the three bands we had planned a little road trip to go see. And yes, I am that person who will travel 3.5 hours to see a line-up of Styx, Foreigner, and Def Leppard. Def Leppard was awesome! /end hijack. This thread will now return to its regularly scheduled programming.

I like Google maps, even though they tell me my house is on a different road than my address indicates. They have yet to get me lost, but no one should follow their directions to my house. They will drive right past it and turn onto a dead-end, straight-outta-Deliverance-type road.

I delivered pizzas for a million years, so now I’m pretty adamant about the whole “just give me your damn address” thing. I’ll find it, I swear. Stop arguing and just tell me your address, dammit!