Nooooooo…don’t remind me! I’ve already asked several teachers if I can refuse to participate without getting fired!
Ava
You could always try the ThinkGeek.com approach.
In my office, we have our charming Art Director who has made it his personal mission to harass, berate, and annoy solicitors who think our ‘No Solicitors’ sign doesn’t apply to them. We’re now known as the ‘cranky people upstairs,’ I’m sure, but it has helped cut down on the foot traffic. Thank god we’re moving to a non-traditional space in a few months.
** avabeth** you are so wrong about no solicitors in school. I am doing my student teaching now, and I will tell you there are at least two kids a day trying to sell me on why they should get a good grade without doing any work.
I used to be the receptionist at a manufacturing company, and the guy who was in charge of purchasing was very adamant about cold-calling salespeople. If they didn’t have an appointment, he would not see them unless they brought a present for me! The first couple of times he asked, “and what did he bring for you?” I was completely nonplussed, but salespeople quickly caught on that the best way to get in to see the guy was to show up with candy or something for the receptionist. During the holiday season, I was quite literally up to my eyeballs in flowers, chocolates, wine, leather gloves, silk scarves, and other assorted lovelies as salespeople scampered for end-of-the-year sales quotas. The purchasing guy summed it up nicely: “They’re interfering with your work as well as mine, and I get paid better - you ought to get something for your trouble.”
I think I would have really enjoyed working for a boss like this! He sounds like one of the good ones…
I see the “No Soliciting” sign as your leg to stand on - if they still come in, you go over and ask them if they saw this sign. If they say yes, you say “Get out of my office then.” If they say no, you say “Well, you’ve seen it now - get out of my office.”
At my workplace, I sit just outside the elevators on a secured floor (i.e. you need a little electronic badge to get in). We still occasionally get solicitors, but we’re actually nice to them while politely shoving them out the door. Typically the encounter goes something like:
- “Hi, I’m Myron Beable with BeableCo!”
- “Hi, have you checked in with the receptionist on 3?”
- “No, but I have some great offers to make you!”
- “And we have a great security team! You’ll just love them…” <picks up phone, solicitor hurries back to the elevator>
I’ve also been known to transfer telemarketers to the fax machine down the hall.
Yeah, but those you can tell to shut up and sit down, right?
Ava
Good One! I’ll have to remember that.
This is sort of related.
I work for medical researchers who evaluate various form of medical technology. Basically, they look at the research that’s been done, evaluating the quality of said research, compare the results over many studies, then sell their conclusions to people like health insurance companies. Although we ourselves do not make any decisions as to whether to cover or not cover a drug, procedure, or whatever, if we say something works it tends to be covered by most insurance companies, and if we say it doesn’t work there’s a tendency for it not to be covered.
Needless to say, a lot of people want to influence our decision. There can be a lot of money involved*
So, instead of people tying to sell us artwork out of a van, or water purifiers, or what have you, we have “consultants” representing pharmaceutical manufacturers or medical device makers calling us to, essentially, buy influence on our decisions.
It’s part of my job to tell them to go to hell** 
One of the more egregious recent examples was this consultant who called claiming to be an old school chum of my boss (the Executive Director) and could I please connect her. Well, there were a few problems:
-
This chick sounded young. If ever she and my boss were in the same classroom it was as student and teacher, not “chum”.
-
She grossly mispronounced the boss’s name. Without giving my boss’s actual name, it’s as if she pronounced “Thompson” as Taaaaaahmsaaaaaahn, with the “a” really extended. This was not a problem with speaking English, as otherwise the gal had a perfectly normal Midwestern US accent.
-
She continually referred to the boss as “Miss”. Not “Ms”, but “Miss” [Boss’s misprounced last name]. Da Boss is a multiple doctorate. She rates a “Dr” and uses it. Even if she didn’t, she’s been married several decades and would therefore be a “Ms” or a “Mrs”
-
She also said she hoped “Miss” [Boss’s misprounced last name] had a nice Christmas. My boss is Jewish.
I told the gal she wasn’t going to any time with Dr. Boss. She sounded so hurt and started in on a spiel about how I was keeping old friends from meeting, etc., etc.
I said she was never going to have time with the boss. “And here’s why: If you’re such old friends you’d first of all know how to say her name, second, you’d know she’s a Ph.D. and uses “Dr”, not “Miss”, and third, you’d know she doesn’t celebrate Christmas. In short, missy, you lied so neither you, your company, or the company your company represents is going to get jack. If you have a problem with that, put your supervisor on the line and I will explain that you attempted to use false pretenses to gain an interview.”
Renewed whine, including a spiel about “I know a lot of women with doctorates who don’t use the title “Dr”…”
“Look, you don’t get it, do you? Real simple - you lied. We do not do business with liars. If it would help, I’ll connect you to our lawyers and they can teach you about business ethics and the consequences for violating them. Would you like to be transferred now, or should I have them call you?”
>click<
- Yes, we also keep a stable of lawyers employed, too - I think we have a half-dozen lawsuits pending against us at any one time because someone didn’t like our conclusions
** Politely, of course. It is a workplace.
I once worked in an office that got solicitors occasionally. My boss was a very mellow individual who would come out, explain that solicitors were unwelcome, and politely show them the door.
One guy was really persistant. He came back month after month, like clockwork. Finally, after about a year, the boss comes out again. We expect him to give the usual polite shpiel and lead the guy out.
He taps the solicitor on the shoulder, and he turns around to see that he’s about three inches from my boss’s face. My boss screams, at the top of his lungs, so all four floors of the building heard him, “GET THE FUCK OUT!”
He got the fuck out, and never came back. Boss turned around and bowed to uproarious applause.
Gyrate can you imagine the kind of people that might attract?
How about:
“Solicitors will be the guest of honor at the next La Casa Dolcett BBQ and cook-out”
(yes, that’s a bit of an obscure reference.)
The upside - even if it DID attract “that sort of people” they are self-eliminating.
I have had a sign on my front door for 17 years. Do you think that stops anyone from knocking on the door? No.
We get the typical boy scouts/girl scouts selling candy/cookies…I guess “No Soliciting” doesn’t apply to this group? Then we get the magazine sales men or the guy that gives you some “free” coupons to a new restaurant…again I guess it only applies to some but not others?
There are days I feel like yelling at the parent who is standing on the sidewalk while their precious kid sales their wares…"do yourself and me a favor? Teach the kid what “NO Solicting” means.
And I am really not a scrooge…there are medical reasons of why someone can not eat sugar, nuts or whatnot and the sign should be respected by all sales people.
I wonder if solicitors taste like chicken?
They taste like spam, of course!
I don’t get solicitors here at my office. I have to go through three security doors just to get to my office. I fairly safe. (looks over shoulder…) I’m hoping the national do-not-call list works as advertised for telemarketers at home. For those with whom I have a business relationship (loophole) I can always pretend to ask my wife…
Solicitor: I’m calling to sell you some crap you don’t want or need… (I’m paraphrasing here)
Me: My wife takes care of this sfuff, hang on… (drop the phone on the table)
Me yelling: Honey?.. Phone!
…
I don’t know…
…
It’s for you…
…
What are you doing?..
…
Do you need any help?..
…
Did you get the dry cleaning?..
…
What!?..
…
The DRY CLEANING…
…
Wait a minute… (hang up the phone)
You get the idea. Say, maybe this could work against sales people. Just yell past them to your imaginary coworker. Make sure the imaginary coworker is a real asshole. Be creative and enjoy!