“You never know true beauty until you see Earth from space, or true terror until you hear someone knocking on the space station door from outside. You look through the porthole and see an astronaut, but all your crew is inside and accounted for. You use the comm to ask who it is and he says he’s Ramirez returning from a repair mission, but Ramirez is sitting right next to you in the command module and he’s just as confused as you are. When you tell the guy this over the radio he starts banging on the door louder and harder, begging you to let him in, saying he’s the real Ramirez. Meanwhile, the Ramirez inside with you is pleading to keep the airlock shut. It really puts life on Earth into perspective.”
I’d love to take credit for an insane hypothetical but I found it on this page asking NASA astronauts what it’s like to be in space.
Why, exactly, is inside Ramirez begging us not to open the hatch? What’s he/she afraid of?
Yes, of course I open the hatch. To do otherwise is – to all the evidence of my senses – to condemn a fellow astronaut to death. Let Ramirez in, and we’ll talk it over.
(If we’re in a “lifeboat” situation, and there isn’t enough air for N+1 people, that might be different.)
Hmm. On the one hand, opening the airlock and letting the shape-shifting alien in is exactly the kind of stupid thing a horror-movie-protagonist would do. On the other hand, knowing that opening the airlock is the kind of stupid thing a horror move protagonist would do, so instead keeping it locked and staying with the real shape-shifting alien - indoors Ramirez - is exactly the kind of thing a modern day genre savvy meta-horror-movie-protagonist would do.
Ask both Ramirezes a question only the true Ramirez would know. If they both answer it correctly, screw it - go back to your space bunker and hope they’ll sort it out without eating you.
Since we can effectively communicate with outside-Ramirez, maybe we just have a civil conversation with all parties while the airlock is shut until we can suss out this little misunderstanding.
Based on the evidence I have, I must keep the airlock closed.
It is clear that something bad is afoot. Twin astronauts don’t just show up like that.
One of the Ramirezes is likely not the real Ramirez, but is in fact a sinister, shape-shifting alien.
If the shape-shifting alien is not perfect as assuming human form, it is likely the Ramirez inside the space station is the genuine Ramirez, and the one outside is, in fact, a monster planning to kill us. Since the Ramirez inside the station has been there for some period of time, if something was weird about him, I would have noticed. Based on the information available, however, this Ramirez seems to be the real Ramirez. I cannot say the same of the Ramirez outside, so I’m safer with the Ramirez already inside.
If the shape-shifting alien can make a PERFECT copy, a la “The Thing” (though The Thing had to kill the original to do this, so it’s not the same kind of alien) then my perception that the Ramirez inside the space station is the real Ramirez may be wrong. However, if the inside-Ramirez was the hideous monster, it already had a chance to eat me. Since it has not, I must conclude it’s likely the real Ramirez, and the one outside is the monster.
Obviously, the risk is that, if the alien can form a perfect replica of Ramirez, it is asking me to let in the REAL Ramirez just so it can eat us both. So that’s a serious risk. But it’s outweighed, IMHO, my the likelihood of points 3 and 4 above.
That said, I would not only not open the airlock, but would insist Ramirez be sequestered in a module away from me and the rest of the crew. And of course there is no reason we cannot try additional tests, such as, as has already been suggested, quizzing the two Ramirezes to trip one up. We could also consult withthe rest of the crew and mission control; there should be comms and duty logs accounting for what the crew has been doing, and in reviewing them we may be able to determine where Ramirez should have been and, therefore, which is the authentic Ramirez. Astronauts don’t just do EVAs for kicks; just checking on the EVA schedule and authorizations will probably conclusively demonstrate which one is really Ramirez, and which one is a xenomorph.
[ul]
[li]Open inner hatch - toss Ramirez in.[/li][li]Close inner hatch.[/li][li]Tell Ramirez to hold on to something.[/li][li]Open outer hatch[/li][li]Let ‘Ramirez’ in[/li][li]Close outer hatch[/li][li]Repressurise[/li][li]See what happens.[/li][/ul]
Tell them both to sit tight, while I contact Houston for instructions.
Which I do—from the ground, after getting to the Soyuz, and performing a one-man emergency evac.
Hey, chances are, in any event, I’m never going to get or want to go to space again. 'Might as well take the route that doesn’t involve me being flensed.
I think this is the key factor we’re overlooking. Back when we only had one Ramirez, did he go outside on a repair mission? If so, then the outside Ramirez is the one who gets the benefit of doubt and it’s the Ramirez who somehow appeared inside the ship who I’m suspicious of. If, on the other hand, Ramirez never left the ship, then it’s the Ramirez who’s outside that needs to explain where he came from.
Ask each a series of questions about earth geography. Which ever one answers more correctly is obviously the alien cause he’s been spending all his time studying about earth.
First, lock up inside-Ramirez. He is the biggest threat, both because he’s more likely to be evil Ramirez (if there is one), and because he’s already inside with you.
Then, disable the internal airlock controls, open the outer airlock door, let outside-Ramirez enter, close it, and pressurize the lock, but keep the inner door locked.
You’ve safely neutralized the Ramirez threat, and you have time to figure out what to do without worrying about inter-Ramirez conflict or oxygen depletion.
If a malevolent entity is attempting to infiltrate the station under the guise of Ramirez, wouldn’t it have concocted a strategy where it enters in place of actual Ramirez, rather than just showing up and hoping we don’t notice he’s already on board?
This is assuming that the real Ramirez actually did recently go out on a repair mission within the life support limits of whatever suit outside-Ramirez is in. If he did, then it seems to me like outside-Ramirez is more likely to be the real one. There was, presumably no authentication procedure performed on inside-Ramirez when he entered so there’s no reason to presume that he’s the good one, and plenty of reason to assume he’s the bad one. Keeping the airlock closed in this scenario protects us only from the least-cunning of malevolent entities.
If both Ramirezes are non-malevolent (time travel/multiple universe scenario), then keeping the airlock closed is obviously condemning an innocent Ramirez to death. I could not possibly be so cavalier with what is, as far as I know, a full half of the universe’s current population of Ramirezes.
