I have certainly sought out people in a group who were different from me because I was more interested in learning about them than another person similar to me … can’t say I did it only for their benefit (other than if the group were excluding them, then I do purposely try to include who ever is being excluded for what ever reason).
A recent example … I went to a training course, there were the normal white middle manager types and then two women who were black and wore headscarves (yes, I judged them based on very obvious physical differences) … I talked to everyone, but was very interested in the two women and what they contributed to the course because it was new information to me (I learnt about time concepts in their culture and how it impacts recent immigrants). I did feel that the rest of the group might have made assumptions about them which would have excluded them … I also swapped contact details with them afterwards (which I did do with a couple of other people). So do I have two new potential friends because of their race and my attempt at affirmative action? yes. I also have existing friends who I have helped out because of aspects that meant they were being discriminated against, my actions probably created the friendships.
I have ‘white guilt’ about anyone who is excluded/disadvantaged and try to include people as much as possible and if they are people I like, make friends with them.
When I waited tables, none of the servers wanted the “black tables” because of the perception that they didn’t tip. It was true in many cases, but I think part of it was because the server assumed they wouldn’t tip well and gave them crappy service.
I usually tried to give my black tables the best service possible. Often, I could tell how absolutely shocked the people were that I took the time to explain the specials, cleaned trash off their tables, filled their glasses, etc. Many times I got a very good tip and sometimes even heartfelt appreciation for just doing my job. Of course there were times when I didn’t get a tip still, but overall it evened out.
Anyway, I guess my point here is that I practice affirmative action of a sort when waiting tables, partially out of white guilt.
I guess I just don’t understand why not treat everyone the same way? Be respectful, kind, give great customer service, be friendly, helpful, etc. to whomever you come in contact with. Why does race need to be a part of it?
Well things are not on an even playing field. If everyone thought like you did, there would be no need to treat people different or even have this discussion. But unfortunately there is a lot of racism in the world still. I almost felt I had to give black people better service to make up for the other servers who automatically gave bad service because they didn’t expect to be tipped. I guess I had the feeling of “we aren’t all racist assholes.”
Why not? No one is harmed by this behavior. We can’t be “extra nice” to everyone. As long as we’re generally nice and respectful to everyone, I don’t see a problem going the extra mile for a minority customer. Or one with small children. Or one who is dressed in a peculiar fashion.
Honestly, I probably do this socially a bit as well. But not to the point of recruiting new friends based on their race. For example, if I am at a party and it’s mostly white people with only a couple black people, I will go out of my way to be nice and talk to the black people.
At my job it is the driver’s discretion to give a passenger a ‘courtesy ride’. However I try to make it a point not to overly favor any particular race in doing so (if I’m really worried, I’ll just refuse to give a free ride to everyone no matter how desperate they might be).
I have this (paranoid, irrational) fear if I’m on my bus route, unwittingly turn down 5 black passengers for a free ride but give the first white person that asks a free ride no questions asked, there will be some Social Justice Warrior recording all of it on their smartphone who identifies me by badge number and makes some Youtube vid “Racist bus driver only gives white people free rides” :rolleyes:
I do know some people who have sought out friends of other ethnic groups, but NOT for the sake of political correctness. I don’t know ANYBODY who’s ever said, “By golly, I don’t have any black or Chinese friends. I need to start making some!”
But as an adoptive parent, I’ve met MANY white couples who’ve adopted children from other races, and who have found themselves thinking, “It’s not healthy for my black/Chinese/Korean/Mexican/whatever child to grow up in an all-white environment.” Such parents often have sought out friends of their child’s ethnicity.
And it doesn’t have to be such an awkward process. A white couple who’ve adopted a Chinese baby girl may eventually enroll her at a local school that teaches Chinese-American kids to speak and write Mandarin. If that happens, they’re bound to meeet and befriend some Chinese-Amrican couples with whom they share common interests.
I don’t see any harm in it either, just that it’s a bit odd to me to put such focus on race. I grew up with bigoted parents and grandparents, so I’ve consciously made an effort to not let race impact my impressions or my interactions with other people. To swing completely the other way feels like it gives another person’s race too much weight, when I’ve grown up being ambivalent about it.
I can speak as a minority (of sorts) and it is utterly transparent and fucking lame when someone tries to be my “friend” due to nothing more (or at least primarily) than that which sets me apart from the mainstream. Now it’s not on racial terms but many of the elements are similar and applicable here.
I think the flip side of consciously professed white guilt, would be subconscious self-congratulation for being enlightened enough to go out of one’s way to make friends with minorities. And that’s easy to spot.
So yeah, few people are that blatant to admit to themselves what they’re doing, I’d agree.
I have encountered this and find it not only odd, but demeaning.
“Oh that poor minority/person of color surely needs friendship and validation from a white/mainstream/privileged person. And I’m (as a a white/mainstream/privileged person) am stepping up to the plate to provide just that for that poor person.”