Yeah, we’ll I’m Tony f***ing Stark because I keep corkscrews in my kitchen, office, wine carrier, coolers, car, luggage, computer bag/briefcase, hiking packs, dive gear, and fishing tackle. I buy them by the dozen from Bevmo. I carry one in my back pocket if I think wine might be in the offering. If I’m ever stuck in a wine vault after a nuclear attack with a lifetime supply of wine I’ll be prepared.
Of course, I’ve also been known to show up at parties with a roll of Wustof knives in case there is cooking to be done, and I travel on car vacations with a complete set of barware (stems, tumblers, and cocktail glass; cocktail mixer and sieve; olives and cherries; Irish whiskey, Scotch, bourbon, gin, vodka, bitters, and vermouths), wok and saute pan, cutting board(s), cheese grater, citrus press, coffee and french press, tea, cheesecloth, parchment paper, salt and pepper; the Larousse Gastronomique and The Joy of Cooking or another cookbook; flashlight(s) and headlamp; laptop(s) and wireless router; raingear/drygear and PFD; hiking gear and water filter; films and reading materials that will last approximately and order of magnitude longer than the trip; and full first aid kit including sutures and antibiotics.
“Is it better to be feared or respected? I say, is it too much to ask for both?”
I’ve now own one of those wing-style corkscrews, much better than the crappy traditional ones I’d had before. I’ve actually had corkscrews that broke in use, or deformed.
When I got divorced, I didn’t realize the ex-wife had taken the corkscrew until the day I was faced with a bottle of wine and a thirsty friend in the front room. Some quick thinking saved the day: I didn’t have a corkscrew, but I did have a drywall screw and a pair of pliers!
Yep. I like the old school kind. Every other type of fancy wine opener I’ve ever used (i.e., “rabbit ears,” the thing that punctures the cork and fills the bottle with air, etc.) hasn’t worked as well as the old fashioned kind. But I waited tables in school so I got lots of experience opening wine.
Up until a couple of months ago, I’d have said no. But my nephew has been making wine lately and he gave me a couple of corked bottles around Christmas so I went out and bought a dollar store corkscrew.
I also chase bears, jump out of aircraft, and climb launch gantries in February gales. All I need is a freak radiation accident and some genetically modified endogenous retrovirus and I could be Marvel’s next Avenger. Or an archvillian, although I understand the pay isn’t as good as it used to be.
Not owning a cork screw is like not owning some other piece of assumed household tools:
a hammer
screwdrivers, both philips and regular
a vacuum
a measuring cup
a chef’s knife
a pair of channel-locks
a wrench
a pair of pliers, needle-nosed
a needle
Bottles exist. Some are corked. The only good way to open a corked bottle is with a cork-screw. Everyone should own one.
Does the average person* encounter corked bottles that don’t contain wine? My daughter doesn’t drink alcohol (she doesn’t like the way it tastes) and if she didn’t cook with wine, she wouldn’t have or use a corkscrew.
