That’s one ugly as hell post.
I *really *hate that micro-second right before pressure is applied when shaking anyone’s hand, because I like to match the strength of my handshake to theirs. There are those times when a big ol’ boisterous man puts his hand out and I am sure he will be a firm grip so I actually have started my matching firmness when I realize that I have a limp fish in my hand and I have to actually basically let go to match it. But for that little moment, I was squeezing his hand…and then I quit. When women put their hands out to shake, I never have any idea what’s coming; more than half seem to be totally limp (this is the South, maybe that has something to do with it), so once again I am starting a squeeze and then having to let go. The only handshakes I actually like are the ones that happen for the first time at the end of any sort of encounter. By that time I have a little better idea what kind of gripper they are (probably) going to be.
I think a handshake says a great deal about a person.
Both genders by default get a lively but not generally aggressive shake from me.
I’m a very physically small woman, but when a guy gives me an overly careful handshake I tend to frown openly at him. The one time a dude tried to be dominant with his handshake I struck him upside the head with my other hand. I wasn’t trying to make a point, it was reflex, honest! 
I’ve got no time for the princess hand. On the rare occasions when a woman does this to me, I either offer my hand in such a position that she’d have to chance hers to accept, or I keep my hand at my side.
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You don’t like my formatting?
No, I think it’s ugly that the stakes are such that you need to use your gender strategically. I also think it’s a bit sad that not only do you recognize its use, you’ve self-identified as not being feminist. That just strikes me as misunderstanding (maybe) how broad (so to speak) feminism is and can be. I may have misinterpreted any joke you meant in that comment, though. I don’t necessarily fault you for it, I just find it an ugly situation–especially when you don’t seem to care anymore. Nothing personal toward you or your formatting.
I accidentally gave the worst handshake ever to a weird guy at work yesterday. We have known each other for several years and do not ordinarily shake hands. He greeted me by saying “How’s it going? Hey, congratulations!” and putting his hand out to shake. I was so confused that I barely raised my hand as I replied, “Good…um, what are the congratulations for?” He managed to squeeze two of my fingers and say, “Just for being here today.” 
Sorry, cultural thing I guess. Here in Chile a cheek kiss is the default when greeting a woman (it’s even become common among teenage boys and young men to greet their friends this way). So if I just offer my hand to a woman, in most circumstances it will be perceived as distant, cold and probably, rude. I only shake a woman’s hand if she offers it first, which in my experience, is rare even in the most formal situations.
I remember a Faux Pas I commited with a corean teacher in college, not realising that she came from a totally different background I just went for the cheek kiss, she didn’t say anything about it, but I realized she was somewhat uncomfortable. She got over it eventually and started cheek kissing everyone :).
The issue with me is the size of the hand I am shaking. My hands are frankly enormous, and so I shake almost everyone’s gently - the smaller, the gentler. The gender of the hand’s owner really isn’t a concern.
I DO shake firmly enough to not be a dead fish, but nowhere near the bone-crushing I could deliver if I wasn’t careful. (I reserve those for the a-holes who unwisely try to administer their own bone-crushing!)
I was taught to always offer a firm but gentle handshake. As in, my hand firm (no limp fish) but not squeezing too hard on the other person’s hand.
There is a difference for me, I am much slower when shaking hands with a woman. With men it’s just usually goes smoothly and I don’t even think about it. The level of variation with women is so geat that I go in slower and pay more attention.
A few people have mentioned the bone-crushing dominance thing, but I haven’t seen the “coming in with the palm facing down” one metioned. Some guys wil either come in “on top” as it were, with their palms facing downward, or they will try to twist your hand that way during the handshake. It’s a dick move, and IME has always been accompanied by a smirk.
Either way, if you can’t even manage an honest, meeting-as-equals handshake then we are off to a very bad start indeed. The one time a guy actually hurt my hand (and it hurt for a week) I’m afraid it had an effect on his career. No way do I want to see someone mean move up to management, and he was obviously purposeful and glib about it. Off the promotion list.
I’m rather surprised that there are men past their teenage years who try to pull this dominance crap with handshakes. I’ve never encountered it as an adult.
Just how common is it?
Does it tend to be encountered more commonly in certain milieux?
Do they tend to have other traits in common?
My experience: The tend to be in “business development.” (i.e. Marketing)
Which is always surprising to me. If you sell for a living, one would think you’d want to be friendly. Just sayin’.
I tend to go for tit for tat handshake strength wise whether it be man or woman. I prefer a firm but a bit on the light side myself and a few slow shakes. I do think I tend to be a bit more cautious with offering to shake a womans hand in that I try to guage a bit more carefully whether they are comfortable with it as they seem to be more likely to not like it than the men. I’m in the deep south FWIW.
My SO’s surgeon is a bit funny. Nice, nice doctor. Retirement age. That dude has hands of steel and ain’t afraid to use them. He obviously comes from the old school of “firmer is better” train of thought. And at our last visit, when he gave the SO a clean bill of health he also gave her one hell of a goodbye bear hug as well 
I’ve got a faux pax handshake story. I was sick as a dog one time. And I generally don’t get sick sick. At one point it actually crossed my mind I might have meningitis or West Nile or some such. It was some kind of seriously bad flu like thing and the headache from hell (something else I almost never get).
So, anyway, I am just coming down from my battle with supper cooties and am still hopped up on all kinds of meds, so I aint thinking too clearly. I’ve just started another semester in college and have signed up at the last minute for a class. I talk to the professor after class to let him know I am a new addition and having missed the first class I need a syllabus. We have a short friendly chat and when we are done he goes to shake my hand. Now I am about as far from a germophobe as one can get but I do get serious about it when I’ve got supper cooties (no use spreading the joy). I kinda pull back then explain that I’ve been pretty damn sick and shaking hands is probably a bad idea right now. He seemed a bit taken aback, probably because I didn’t look sick and to be honest I probably came off a bit weird too because I was all hopped up on various meds. So, we part ways.
Later on, I realized something that still bothers me to this day. The professor was black and it probably crossed his mind that I might not want to shake his hand because of that. Damnit! Give him supper cooties or look like a racist asshole and worse than that probably hurt his feelings a bit.
I look around and the guys (often unwittingly) use their gender strategically by forming a boy’s club.
I have options in this company, I can use my gender and move up or I can be in one of the typically female roles here.
(You’ll note that I am also exceptional at my job.)
Do you know any women personally who have high-flying careers? It is damn hard to move up for women in some fields. I do what I have to do. Which is what men have been doing for decades.
So because I am tall (er) than you, or someone you feel is not attractive why do feel you need to break my hand when shaking it either by squeezing so hard or forcibling turning it over in a dominate position? Why is it so important for you make sure you “put me in my place” (whatever you have decided that is)? Why be an asshole?
I have decided when this happens, I will be forced to allow you to break my hand and then sue your inconsiderate ass. Maybe you will learn something.
Hey, hey Paula, I wanna marry you
Hey, hey Paula, no one else could ever do
I’ve waited so long for school to be through
Paula, I can’t wait no more for you.
Most times, upon introduction, I give a hearty “Hi how are ya” and let it go at that. I’m a machinist and a lot of times guys will just walk back into the shop. I’m generally doing something with the hands and DO NOT APPRECIATE the distraction. If I get the old “princess extending the hand to be kissed” type of offer from a woman, I don’t reach for it. If a man offers his hand, I shake it in a secure but not firm manner. If I got the finger tickle, my response would be “WTF!”.
In Nigeria years ago I got used to the Islamic style of handshake. Shake gently, touch the heart, repeat twice more, all the while exchanging a ritualized greeting. This consisted of expressions in Hausa of “how is life, how is work, what’s the story”. If there were a group of old men on a bench out in front of a government office, you’d better be damn sure to go through this process with each one, adding the sobriquet “baba” (father) to the greeting. They will be watching from inside the office and things will go much smoother if they know you respect.
How do you shake a zombie’s hand? Very carefully, so his (or her) arm does not fall off.
You have zombies confused with lepers.
I’m a woman, and I don’t like shaking hands (I don’t like touching strangers at all, frankly). I try to avoid it, and if I have to, to go for “light clasp and immediate retreat” unless the other person insists on the squeeze-and-pump thing.
If I give you the “dead fish hand”, that means I particularly don’t feel like shaking hands right now and I want my fingers back as fast as possible. The people who were talking about being extra-firm when the other person is too limp annoy me; if I found out that a person I knew was doing that, it would move them over a notch towards “jerk” territory.
Damn right I do. Bone-crushing grip, stare them in the eye until they back away and make an excuse to be somewhere else. If you shake hands with me, you’d better mean it.