Do you share mailboxes/passwords with your SO?

In My Humble Opinion
41

In theory the answer should be yes, because you should be able to trust your SO with everything, particularly in somewhat personal matters like friendships. Yes, you’re my SO, yes I trust you, but that doesn’t mean every conversation with everyone I know is necessarily privy to you. Me not sharing my friend’s secrets with you isn’t my choice, it’s theirs because they’re their secrets.

Unfortunately, my ex WAS the snooper type. I would catch her going through my phone and things. I didn’t have anything to hide, but if you want to know, please just respect me and ask me about things, the fact that she would do it without asking shows a lack of trust on her part.

Of course, this is the same girl that was upset when I told her I couldn’t share classified or sensitive but unclassified information with her because I have a clearance as part of my job and she isn’t even a citizen, muchless cleared. “…But there’s no secrets between lovers.” Oh yeah? Try telling that to the federal government when I go to federal prison, thank you very much.

42

Because my husband wouldn’t check if he had his own - seriously. His friends will email about trip or other plans and actually address it to me, because they know he never checks.

43

I’ve had a hard enough time answering the SO’s home phone when someone calls - even when it’s him, his mom, or his ex. Most of the time I let it go to the answering machine.

When I cleaned off his table (which is no longer tidy, btw), there were several pieces of mail at my fingertips. Some were personal, handwritten card-type envelopes. I would be lying if I said I wasnt curious - but my own convictions took over. I dont want anyone into my stuff so I wont violate someone else’s. Besides, whatever is in his past is just that - IN HIS PAST.
Also, I have a tendency to write in code (in my diary mostly), often misleading to anyone who doesnt know the beginning of the story - found a lot of times in my blogs so people will have to backtrack. And sometimes it’s in the short because I want to put it away fast & close the door.

I’ve given my SO the password to my computer, but my email and myspace is mine alone.

44

I think the issue of trust means that you do not have to be privy to every piece of communication coming to you SO. I know my wife is not going to do or say anything that is going to do me harm, so I do not need to be part of every aspect of her life. I’m comfortable with her having a private thought that she does not share with me and she’s comfortable with me having my thoughts. Reading each others’ mail is the opposite of trust in my opinion.

ETA: my sister in law controls the email and phone in my brother’s house. In essence she is his gatekeeper. It really gets old that I can’t have a private conversation with my brother without her hovering around.

45

I’ll bet you one knuckle that wort won’t go away any time soon …

46

We don’t read each other’s mail. We just don’t separate it into different inboxes. And we’re more than comfortable with each other having private thoughts. I have no idea what that has to do with this subject. How can not hiding stuff from each other be the opposite of trust?

Well that’s a whole different animal. Neither of us “controls” the email or phone. We just both happen to have access to them. Big difference.

I’m sure if you wanted to send a private email to my husband he’d gladly give you his work email address. And I’d give you my yahoo email if you had something private to say to me. But since neither of us has things we want to tell other people in secret, we don’t generally conduct conversations through those accounts.

47

Mrs Geek knows my password and I know hers, but we don’t bother to read each other’s emails. Most of my email comes from her anyway.

48

No. The Other Half and I don’t share. However, mine stays logged in all the time (even when I’m not home) and he has the password. So if he wants to poke around at my boring ass stuff that he knows anyway, he’s more than welcome. By the same token, I have his passwords (for emergency purposes and the infrequent “go check that for me please, I can’t for whatever reason” business) and access pretty much 24/7 without him, but I’m not interested.

If he’d like to discuss problems between us with friends, I have no desire to e-eavesdrop. If he’s got a special porn hook-up, I’m sure he’d clue me in if he thought I’d like it. Perhaps there’s information in there on specifics for special occasions, like for Xmas or anniversaries. I just have no wish to even tread those waters regardless, but trust him implicitly anyway.

Back when we first started dating, I had completely opposite views on this. Growing up, I was led to believe by my very controlling mother that being off in everyone’s shit to a ridiculous degree meant you cared and vice-versa. So at some point early on, I looked into his wallet for something without prior approval. Hell, I didn’t care if he needed to do the same so… But he didn’t appreciate the invasion of privacy. Nothing was in there incriminating, just normal junk. Fortunately, I finally grasped what he was saying when I considered the shoe on the other foot and realized I did NOT like my mother doing that to me (like reading my diary) because it felt like I was being accused of something although I’d done nothing wrong.

All that said, I agree with those who say if you wanna know, just ask. My life, warts and all, is an open book anyway. I feel now that it has to do with (and I’m just talking about myself) honor. I honor, good and bad, the OH and his wishes. He has always seen this differently than I once did and that alone is good enough for me.

Besides, as previously mentioned, if either one of us decided to do something that we didn’t want the other to find out about, I trust that could be arranged. Therefore, if he ever did have a girlfriend out there, I doubt going through his email would provide me with any information anyway. < shrug >

49

I can’t imagine telling my wife that I don’t want her to have access to my email. Sounds llike I’m doing something suspicious or think very little of her, or both.

It doesn’t happen too often but once in a while she’ll call me at work and ask me for some info, and I’ll tell her to open one of my email accounts and where to look to get it. For instance recently we bought some theatre tickets and forgot the date of the play.