Basic gist of his question - Deal with the devil to either let 10,000 die of cancer like they’re already doing, or you can save them, but the person you love most will suddenly believe you have betrayed them in the worst possible way and subsequently hate your guts.
Lots of people are responding that they couldn’t agree to this deal and still think of themselves as good people, or that they see choosing your love instead of all the other people as being terribly selfish.
So here’s the real question: Do most of you think of yourself as being a basically good person? Or a basically unselfish person? Is it important to your self-image that you be considered good? Would you really truly hate yourself or be ashamed of yourself if you did something bad or selfish? Not just saying it because it’s socially acceptable, but really hate yourself?
Because honestly, I think I’m a pretty selfish bitch. I’m only nice to most people because it takes more effort to be mean, and meanness has a sucky return.
I have a few people who I love, and I’m nice to them because it gives me pleasure to treat them well. I have even fewer people who I respect, and I treat them well because I think they deserve it.
Otherwise, with the rest of the teeming masses, or in the privacy of my own head, I’m hateful. In my opinions and when dealing with other people, I’m totally evil and selfish (again, my behaving well in public is because it works better for me that way, not because of any desire to be good or nice to people) and I’m really ok with that.
I don’t know if you’re in the minority or not, but that’s not me. I would say being ‘‘good’’ or ‘‘loving’’ is one of the single most important parts of my identity, probably to a fault. I try to make all decisions from that viewpoint. I generally like people, and I care very much when they are suffering, even if that person is a complete stranger to me, even if that person has done horrible things in the past, even if that person was a complete asshole two seconds ago. I just can’t abide other people suffering. In that moment the only thing that matters is that they are in pain.
I don’t understand how anyone could really not care about another person.
As for ‘‘unselfish’’ that’s a lot harder. Humans are selfish by nature and I feel like I’m being selfish a lot.
To be honest, though, I do think of myself as compassionate. I don’t tend to think evil of people who aren’t close to me or respected by me–unless they’re in authority over me. Then I have extremely irrationally paranoid fantasies about them.
I think people are basically good. I don’t know how to be mean or hateful without having a good reason. I try to be nice to even people whose considered lowliest; I think everyone deserves at least a chance at being respected. I smile when I see someone (I’ve tried really hard to be a stern faced person cause I sometimes feel like an idiot smiling for no good reason) and I appreciate them smiling back. I generally give 3 strikes before my niceness stops. I don’t keep mean, hateful, calculative people around in my life (along with people who drinks but can’t handle alcohol). All my close friends are really good at heart people.
As far as being unselfish, I believe I’m unselfish but only ‘up to a point’ meaning I’m no angel or saint. But I work at improving and someday I like to do something really good/unselfish, anonymously… someday.
If not at least ‘good’, I don’t particularly wanna leave petty, mean, hateful person stamped on my very short little existence and it’s not because of fear of what might come after… I’m an atheist.
I don’t think I’m evil or bad. But good? I don’t know. Can a person just be value-neutral? I think that’s me.
I don’t do obviously mean things like stir shit up at work or honk at people on the expressway. I have rarely lost my temper, and I don’t think I’ve ever taken anyone on a guilt trip or toyed with their emotions. But I’m not the nicest person either. I don’t cry when I hear someone else’s sad story…and often my mind finds a way to mentally downplay their hurt rather than to understand and be compassionate. I don’t jump up for joy when other people are happy either. “Big whoop”, my mind says all the time. That’s kind of mean. I think all kinds of mean things. Outwardly I’m nice, but inside I’m mean (though I feel guilty about it).
So it all cancels each other out.
As for selfish, this I am. I look out for me before anyone else. I don’t open my door to every homeless waif on the street, and I don’t donate all my money to charity. I don’t volunteer at soup kitchens or nurse crack babies to health. Every free moment I have I tend to spend alone, and I resent it when people “steal” time from me, especially if it ends up being a bunch of foolishness. I had someone tell me I was very selfish for this exact reason. I didn’t want to hang out with them outside of work and they felt I wasn’t very generous with my time. The word stung because it was the first time anyone had ever called me selfish. I don’t know if she was right to call me selfish for that reason (introverts don’t have to apologize for being the way they are, sorry), but I know I am selfish for other reasons.
But as I think about it…I’m not stingy. I DO give spare change when I have it. If someone at work doesn’t have lunch, I always offer my meager supplies. I don’t donate directly to charities, but I do donate my own money and time to workplace fundraisers for charity, and it’s not a piddly amount of either. I give away my artwork, and I like giving gifts to people I like. I talk and listen to people frequently when I don’t feel like talking or listening.
So fundamentally I’m selfish because I care more about myself than other people. But that doesn’t mean I never share or give. I do.
I try to treat other people well. But empathy isn’t one of my strong suits. I know some people who are passionate about their feelings towards everyone, loving some and hating others. That’s not me. I like a few, dislike even fewer, and am indifferent to the majority. That’s probably not bad, but it doesn’t make me good either.
I think I’m good in the sense that I put a lot of effort into doing the right thing. I try not to hurt others, and I try not to do bad things by omission (like not picking up a piece fo litter.)
I’m also fairly selfish. I have few responsibilities, so I only really have myself to look out for. i give a lot, but that’s because in my mind that’s just what you do, and not necessarily some deep unselfish deal.
I go by the assumption that people are mostly good. I’ve found that if I ask for help and tell someone what is needed, they will do it unless I’ve pushed them out of their comfort zone.
Rescue does sometimes push people out of their comfort zone, so I’m careful to watch the lines.
Me? I’m not a good person. I do rescue because it makes me feel good. I don’t stop on the side of the road to help some random old person change their tire because its the right thing to do, I do it because it makes me feel good.
I don’t brag about it and if someone mentions seeing me changing a tire, I always downplay it because I didn’t do it for anyone but MEMEME!!!
I think that other people do this stuff because its the right thing to do and they are good people.
Where’s the “Thumbs up I totally got that” smiley?
This is kind of a tough one. While I don’t believe in God I do believe in karma and the “do unto others” rule because I think “what comes around goes around” and all that. I always return lost wallets and checkbooks and tell a clerk when they’ve given me too much change or whatever.
But then I can be bitchy and gossipy and snide with the best of them, so I dunno. It’s kind of a toss-up.
I think of myself as someone who tries, sometimes halfheartedly, to be good. I don’t think I achieve it, most of the time. I’m less selfish than I was a few years ago, before I had kids, but having them throws my areas of selfishness in a brighter light.
I don’t loathe myself, or engage in lots of bouts of regret, but I know I could do better.
I’d say I’m “good” in the context of the society I live in. Totally selfish though. I don’t think it’s possible to live a typical Western lifestyle and not be completely selfish.
I have a personal moral code that I try to live by (and mostly succeed). I guess that could qualify as “good”.
I struggle with being selfish. I have a tendency to keep score, even within close relationships, and it often leads to me feeling put upon and used. Sometimes I recognize how much bias there is in my own conception of how much I’ve gained or lost, which makes me reorient my feelings, but I’m fairly sure that most of the time I do not. I’m much happier when I let my altruism flow and stop the mental accounting, but it’s hard to break.