In that dress, it kind of is wrong to omit them. Unless you have washboard abs and no belly button. Proper foundation garments.
But its on the same level of wrong as not wearing a bra. Is there a law against it - no. Is it appropriate if you are going to leave the house if you are a busty woman to wear a bra in the United States in 2016, yes. With the exception of folk festivals and emergency trips to the hospital.
i.e. “need” as in “its appropriate and would make the dress look better.” Not need as in “plagues will descend on mankind if you don’t wear Spanx.”
I agree. I’m a somewhat clueless 43 year old man, and even I know that Spanx are pretty much de-rigueur these days when women wear snug-fitting or tight garments, as only maybe fitness models are slender and toned enough to pull off that sort of dress without them.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone’s fat, just that the dresses that are popular are only really flattering to a specific body type, and someone who doesn’t fit that narrow mold is going to make the dress look somewhat misshapen.
That said, the girl’s dress doesn’t fit well at all. She needs a different dress, or alterations, or both, and I don’t know enough to know what combination of them would be best. (but I have suffered enough “Say Yes to the Dress” with my wife to realize when they do and don’t fit).
But a possible easy and cheap solution may be to wear spanx underneath; that would definitely smooth out her gut and bellybutton divot into something less prominent. That may have been what the salesperson was going for- a way to get rid of that gut without actually suggesting alterations or anything other than fancy stretchy underwear.
And I suspect Mom is now discovering that the internet is a far crueler place than Dillard’s. where disturbed people will hunt you down to give you the benefit of their opinions.
The girl’s mother could have spoken privately to a store manager or sent a paper letter or email to Dillard’s headquarters. She chose to make this public. If she now is regretting the internet backlash (and I have not heard any complaints from the mother in question; people here seem to be assuming that discussion of this story is embarrassing to the daughter), it’s her own damned fault.
Agreed, the mother now reaps what she sowed. Unfortunately, the daughter is the one being dissected by strangers, and it’s not her fault at all.
If we were all discussing the body shape of a 20-year old woman, I wouldn’t care. But she’s 13 years old. I’m sure I’m more sensitive to this because I have kids in the same age range. I wonder how many people who are comfortable discussing a 13-year old’s body have a kid of their own that age; I’m guessing not many.
Fuck, I think I should bow out before I go full BigT on everyone.
If you’re serious, because a fancy dress calls for fancy shoes to go with it. They don’t have to be heels, the height isn’t the point; it’s just short hand for dressier than usual shoes.
I get the distinction and so I can see the point that, in society as it stands today, common opinion dictates “support garments” for this body in this dress. Personally I feel society is shitty to make us all feel bad about perfectly good bodies in this way and object to the idea that the only acceptable body that should be seen in public has washboard abs. Perhaps that does make me a folk festival hippy - full disclosure: I play Irish music on the harp - and a minority, but yes, I don’t like the idea that only certain body types may be seen undisguised in public ,and that the world would be a be a better place if we didn’t censure, get squeamish or judged any visible flab.
I’m a 66 year old man, and I side with those who say she looks just fine. You can see in the photo that she can look into a full length mirror and be comfortable in her own skin. Yes, there are lines of snugness across the front of the dress, but that’s OK. I guarantee if you look at other young women at the same prom, the ones who are several sizes smaller will have the same lines across their gowns.
I dated a girl in high school who wouldn’t go anywhere without an “armor-plated” girdle. I didn’t know then how unnatural that whole body shaming thing was/is. I was a few years from reading Germaine Greer’s The Female Eunuch, which turned my way of thinking around and gave it a good shake.
I don’t know if body shaming is any different now from then, but I hope it is. I think a lot more of us recognize it when we see it.
Honestly, support garments for 99.5% of women 99% of the time. Not just that body, but fit bodies, bodies that have produced a baby…society never makes you wear a dress like that, you can spend your time at folk festivals or choose to wear formal wear that drapes differently. But if you are going to wear a dress like that, it needs foundation garments, and heels, and probably a bracelet.
On the other hand, wearing heels to a folk festival is also generally inappropriate. Bras are optional. Slinky evening gowns and business suits are right out. (Though I suspect the corset look is popular in some parts of that circle.)
Since the mother won’t repeat exactly what the saleswoman said, I don’t know if it was offensive or not. My first reaction is that the saleswoman was doing her job. How should she know the girl was just playing dress up in the store? I would also have assumed she was shopping for a nice dress for a formal event. The suggestion didn’t seem out of line, but we don’t know exactly what was said.
I’ve got a question. If we were looking at a picture of a teenaged boy wearing a dress shirt and it was evident (let say, based on the chest hair poking out between his buttons) that his overall look could be enhanced with an undershirt, would it be gauche to talk about that on an anonymous message board?
Is it always wrong to talk about a teenager’s physical appearance? If this girl was wearing a dress that was too big rather than too tight, would it be wrong for someone to say something negative about that? Or should we always be positive when it comes to a young girl’s look, just in case she stumbles upon our conversation during a moment of low self-esteem?
Though quite honestly, as the parent of a teenage boy, when I can get him into a dress shirt I don’t care if he’s showing his undershirt, not wearing an undershirt, or has it unbuttoned to his bellybutton and is dripping gold chains (well maybe not the last one). My battle has been WON with a dress shirt - if he also takes of the goddamn ball cap.
She has way too much belly fat for that dress. Either smooth it out, buy a larger size or a more flattering dress for her figure type. Not every dress looks good on every body. You need to know how to choose.
What’s “damaging” is “gold star syndrome”. Your mom lies to you about looking good when you clearly don’t and the saleslady is the only one telling you the truth.
