itelligence is a huge things for me,
personally i have a decently high IQ i can’t complain about. (i’ll post on the other thread eventually)
I have to HAVE to be able to talk to someone, they don’t have to be terribly educated, but it helps. And they don’t have to have a huge vocabulary, but it helps so that i can exercise what extended vocab i have.
But i love to talk and i Love to debate and i will happily lay (sans a few specific people) who can give me a really good debate.
I have met really intelligent people who you can’t have a conversation with because they know they’re smar and assume that it means they are always right.
I’ve met some people, one friend in particular, who “isn’t the brightest crayon in the box” and we’ve talked for hours upon hours about anything and everything. because even though she wasn’t bright she was willing to think and consider others opinions.
as for mentally retarded, (granted i don’t know if the autism spectrum is listed under this)
there is a condition call asperger syndrome and it is listed under the “very high fuctioning” section of the autism spectrum.
symptoms, Highly pattern oriented, complete inability to grasp social ettiquete(sp?)
again i could talk with her for hours because she didn’t have the same perspective on things, and she was intelligent. would have dated her but for other complications
anything more detrimental than that, well i slept through psycology so i couldn’t tell you.
I won’t lie–I’m smart. I have an ex who’s a sweet, sweet man–and about as bright as Alaska in December. There were many reasons the relationship didn’t work out, but deep down, I believe it was because I couldn’t talk to him about anything more meaningful than what we were going to have for dinner.
I can’t be happy with someone I can’t talk to. About books, about personal philosophy, about whether slow zombies are scarier than fast zombies. Not all my conversations are deep and meaningful, but I need to be able to use four-syllable words and be understood. I like my large vocabulary, and what’s the use of knowing all these neat words if I’m not going to use them?
I don’t judge people for being dumb. I judge them for being willfully ignorant.
there is something to be said for being sillfully ignorant.
there are many things that i chose not to study even though they come up in daily conversation with my friends
my point of view. If everyones knowlagable about a subject and it not controvertial then where is the debate.
an ignorant person should be involved in every discussion. If everyone has studied the sme material then they have all learned how to “think” on a subject. I mean its not the ignorant persons fault that he can think in directions the other can’t because his intelect hasn’t been restricted by conventional thought
If anyone has read David Weber’s Honor Harrington series, i present the Graysons as my evidense
except from when i become an evil mastermind. “i will hire permanantly to my staff one seven year old, because if a seven year can find any flaw in my plan then it shall either be corrected or scrapped”
Yeah, I’m a snob. I admit it. I have very little patience for the dim-witted and I do not suffer fools gladly.
It’s something I’ve really tried to work out of myself, but it’s extremely difficult. Socializing with my husband’s co-workers is a trial, for example, because their conversation consists of work, drinking, and work. I sincerely would rather go to the dentist than spend an evening with them.
I have the bad tendancy to get a little snippy when people ask me to repeat something because they don’t know the meaning of a word. I also get annoyed when people do not know about current events, or understand common cultural references. I get downright hostile when people tell me they hate to read.
As I said, I realize this is not a Good Thing, and I’m constantly working on it, trying to be more patient, but it strikes me that there is no excuse for ignorance.
Could I date someone with an IQ 50 points above mine? That would put her in a truly scary range, but sure, I’m game! I could also date someone with an IQ 50 points lower, however we might not connect well enough to have anything but a casual relationship. I honestly could not date someone with any degree of retardation.
Not 50 above, not 50 below. Pretty much equal to mine is best. (Which, I’ve been told is around 87 or so.)
Don’t want to date someone who would be making jokes about Schopenhauer or boolean search functions when I’m trying to take her pants off. Nor would I want to point out that Alabama is a state, not a city, when planning a vacation.
Sorry, dopers, but I have found that VERY smart women may be sexy as all hell, but nightmares to have relationships with. They can read James Joyce, but can’t get through the day without deep issues. Although all that could be superseded by perfectly sculpted legs.
I just don’t find myself attracted to guys unless they have a certain level of intelligence. One of the best things that happened recently was having a conversation about physics while in bed… and naked. To me that’s just about the best kind of relationship I could ask for.
So no, I wouldn’t date anyone with a significantly lower IQ than I have (although I have no idea what mine is so numbers don’t really matter, it’s overall intelligence/ability to carry on an intelligent conversation) and I certainly wouldn’t date anyone with any mental retardation. It’s just an issue of having common interests and abilities. I don’t think I’d find a lot of commonality with someone significantly less intelligent.
More intelligent? As long as he didn’t make me feel slow or stupid for not being as smart, I think it’d be ok.
I am admittedly sort of an intelligence-snob. I don’t dislike un-intelligent people so much as I dislike stupid people. For people to hang out and have fun with, anyone who is halfway average is fine with me. For someone to date? Sorry, you have to be pretty smart, and someone who is smarter than me is a complete turn-on.
It helps that I’m surrounded by intelligent people of at least average physical attractiveness. Life is going to really suck once I finish college.
50 points higher than me… that’s up into sort of crazy range. 50 points lower than me… maybe, if they’re really well adjusted and have a passion for knowledge, but probably not. No to the mentally challenged of any degree, and yes to the genius, depending (there are a lot of psycho geniuses out there!)
I have to be intellectually interested in any woman before I could get involved in a relationship. I’ve also discovered that my relationships need to be women at least as smart as I am (which, fortunately, isn’t hard ).
50 points difference may be a bit much, though. i know what my IQ is, and someone 50 points higher might challenge the Great Master for supremacy.
Well, if it’s any indication, the woman I now call my wife (and “sweetheart” and “dear” and a number of other monikers at the appropriate moments) was introduced to me by a friend who thought I’d enjoy chatting with her because she was really intelligent. He wasn’t mistaken.
I can imagine being friends with someone of any intelligence level, and there are, in fact, several wonderful people in my bowling league who are mildly retarded and fun to hang with. But in terms of dating and spending my life with someone, I would definitely want someone who hovers in my intelligence range for all of the reasons cited previously.
My wife is a bit higher on the IQ scale than I am, and I believe she qualifies for genius, but I think we’re close enough to still be a pretty good match. I don’t think I’d want to date someone who was enormously more intelligent than I am simply because I’d be insecure about boring them to death all the time.
I was just thinking more about this, and I don’t really think I could date someone with an IQ (assuming for a moment that IQs are valid) 50 points higher than mine. That’s an INCREDIBLY big difference. That’s the difference between mild mental retardation (IQ=80) and Mensa (IQ=130), or between smart-but-not-Mensa (IQ=120) and one-in-a-million-genius (IQ=170). However smart you are, someone with an IQ 50 points higher than you is going to be someone who thinks SO differently than you that it’s hard for me to see what kind of meaningful real communcation you can have.
(Note: This doesn’t apply to people whose intelligence is poorly reflected by their IQ scores… there could certainly be two people whose language skills, emotional states, and general levels of conversation were similar, but one of whom was a math genius and one of whom was a math-phobe who TESTED at 50 points of IQ difference and who got along quite fine, but that would be a VERY unusual case, and have more to do with the weaknesses of IQ testing than anything else. Not that IQ testing is MEANINGLESS, but it is certainly not comprehensive.)
If I wasn’t already married, I would be happy to date a genius or someone about my IQ level or higher. (This statement in no way implies that my IQ is genius level.) I would not be willing to date anyone who was mentally retarded, no matter what the degree, because I would not be willing to consider having children by someone who was mentally retarded. The 50 points gap is too large, in terms of dropping the potential date into mental retardation territory, for me to surmount. A 20 or 30 point gap (provided the potential date had strengths in areas not measured in IQ testing) would probably be OK. I have never tried to estimate or ask what someone’s IQ was, though.
PhoenixFire , I thoroughly enjoyed the first several books of the Honor Harrington series (got fed up when HH ended up being elevated to sainthood if not godhood in the later books, though). It’s nice to meet another fan of the series. While there is something to be said for the fresh insights into a topic one might get by not being blinded by conventional wisdom, I prefer knowing what the conventional wisdom says and being prepared to ditch conventional wisdom if other evidence presents itself. As you said, a matter of individual choice.
I have some really smart friends, and some that are not-so-smart. I guess I get different things from people. As for my dating criteria, it’s pretty low. But, I am in a relationship with a smart guy right now and it’s working out better than the relationship with the dumbass. Dumbasses can be really fun in bed, but that’s about it for me.
I recently discovered that I’m a bit of an intelligence snob: I met a young woman earlier this year who gives the first impression of being the epitome of the ditzy blonde. She’s gorgeus, but I wasn’t attracted to her until I discovered that she’s actually really sharp.
If 50 points below me is indeed in the average range (I’ve never taken a legitimate IQ test, but this may be the case), then the difference wouldn’t be a deal-breaker. A woman doesn’t have to be a full-on intellectual for me to be drawn to her, she just needs to be fun and interesting.
A woman with an IQ 50 points higher than mine would be very exceptional indeed, and I would want to get to know her. I don’t know whether the difference would be an issue, because as I stated in the other thread, I’ve never met anyone who I know is smarter than me.
I would never date anyone who is retarded. I am obsessive-compulsive and (irrationally) find retarded people repellent, so dating is out of the question.
Your question kind of changed in the middle, Anaamika. At first it was about value judgements based on intelligence. I can honestly say no (unless we’re talking about hiring decisions). I have friends considerably smarter than me, and friends that are considerably less intelligent. I enjoy conversing with different types of people. A 50-point swing? I know I’ve had a friend with an IQ score 40 points less than mine, and one friend was 30 points higher than mine. I judge people based on how much I enjoy being around them, not whether they can solve differential equations and quote Dante.
Halfway through, the question turned to dating and romantic involvement. That’s very different. I want a woman I can communicate with that shares my interests. If her IQ measured 50 points lower than mine, she wouldn’t even understand many of my interests. I’d have enjoyed dating a woman with an IQ 50 points higher than me, but I would probably have bored her stiff. My wife and I would score differently on an IQ test because of what it measures, but our brains are equally sharp in different ways.
For friends, intelligence doesn’t matter. For a wife, it makes a big difference.
Yes. It matters. In an indirect way. There are lot of things, important to me, that are correlated with intelligence. Like having an interesting conversation, being open minded, etc… Exchanges with bright people can be so much more pleasant and fulfilling… However, intelligence per se isn’t a guarantee that these attractive qualities will be present, of course.
I don’t think there are many people with an IQ 50 points higher than mine. And in all likehood I wouldn’t date someone with an IQ 50 points lower. The range you picked is way too broad. Had you chosen less extreme differences, I would probably have answered maybe. There are a lot of things making people attractive besides intelligence (especially raw intelligence as measured by IQ tests).
[quote]
Would you date someone who was mildly mentally retarded?
Moderately?
Severely?
[quote]
No to all three questions.
Probably if she had some of the attractive qualities I’m seeking. I used to know someone who I think was a genius but still lacked some of the intellectual qualities I appreciate. I wouldn’t have dated someone like him (since he was male and not a physically attractive one at that, he wasn’t personnally dating material for me in any case. I’m refering to a potential female version of this person).
On the other hand, I might be intimidated. I wouldn’t know (But I’m willing to try ).
Hmmm…There are some people out there who are brigt but aren’t intellectuals due to failures in their education or due to lack of interest in what is usually considered intellectual issues. Or both. They’re in my opinion just as interesting as equally bright but intellectually oriented people. People who are clueless about sciences, politics, etc, but with the weirdest ideas popping up in their mind every other second, for instance… You’ll never have a deep philosophical debate with them but they’ ll challenge your brains all the same.
Inability to spell properly isn’t an evidence of stupidity. One of my brother is undeniably intelligent, highly educated and quite sucessfull but absolutely terrible at spelling. He just can’t write five words in a row without a blatant spelling mistake.
I admit that I get impatient when I say something and people don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. It’s okay if it happens occassionally, but I don’t like having to explain myself a lot. Nor do I want to feel like the teacher all the time.
But I also don’t want to be the student constantly. I enjoy learning new things, yes, but I’m an insecure person as it is. I don’t like that feeling I get when I’m around someone who’s seen it all, done it all, and read it all. It would be hard to relax and be myself around someone like this. I’d rather be around someone who’s my intellectual equal and is just as sophisticated as I am.
I think what’s more important than intelligence is common knowledge and areas of interest. I get along well with people who are into the same things that I’m into. They’ve watched the same movies that I have, they will sing along when I break spontenously into a random song, and we can discuss books we’ve read and recommend others to each other. We can also make discoveries together and have the same level of inquisitiveness, introspection, and sensitivity. These things are related to intelligence, but they also go beyond it.
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