Nope, never. I can see why people do it, but it’s not part of my family tradition. My mother in law wanted to visit her parents’ graves on a recent vacation, so we went; but it was creepy and weird. Perhaps when my own parents die, I will see the point of it.
I do for my mother’s side, since they’re all in one family tomb. Not for my grandfather, and I don’t think I could locate it. He’s in what they called “nichos”, which are (to me) like a tomb apartment building. Just a plaque, really, so nothing to tidy up.
I’ve visited a bunch of them while doing genealogical research. Growing up, we did the Memorial Day thing too, visiting the cemetery where my g-grandmother and two of my brothers were buried and where my paternal grandparents, several great-aunts and uncles, several cousins, an aunt and uncle and eventually, my parents’ ashes are (will be) buried. When I go up north, I still go on occasion with my dad. I also visit the place where we scattered another brother’s ashes. I go to the cemetery where Mom’s parents, some aunts and uncles and a cousin were laid to rest when there as well.
When I go to the western part of the state, not only do I visit my late SO’s grave, I visit his paternal grandparents’ graves (same plot), of whom I only knew Granny Sarah. I usually will go with his stepdad on occasion to his mother’s grave.
Although I have no plans to be buried myself, I enjoy old cemeteries and feel a connection when going to visit loved ones’ graves.
Those of mine which I know where they’re buried are in just two places, barely 15km apart. I’ve visited the ancestral manor only once, and its chapel isn’t accesible without asking the current owner (who doesn’t live there) for permission to visit. The other one is in a public cementery; I go there by myself sometimes, more often with Mom.
I don’t visit graves because I don’t really see a need for markers and tombs. If I have memories of someone, I will keep them as long as I can and share them with those interested.
If the memory fades with me, then so be it.
Just doesn’t make much sense in my mind for dead folk to take up so much space.
Please don’t read anything into this. If your customs require it or what have you, fine, that doesn’t mean it has to make sense to me.
I live (coincidentally) in walking distance of my grandparents’ graves. I never walk inside the gates.
This might be a propos of this thread.
After the 2004 tsunami, on the island where I was working there was a mosque, and the Buddhists had dedicated a banyan tree as a place of worship. There was nothing else.
The organisation I was working for deemed this lack important enough to create a memorial garden to cater to those who were of other faiths, or no faith at all, as a focal point for their grief. And it was very successful. Atheists, Jews and Christians (and presumably a few Hindus) came and grieved in this one place.
On the first anniversary there were three marquees put out on the beach: Muslim, Buddhist and Christian, each with their own mourners and celebrants. Meanwhile the atheists (and I guess the Jews and Hindus) spontaneously congregated in the shade of the trees and shared an hour of reflection and tears.
It’s my belief that those of us with no faith still require some kind of publicly shared ritual to mark significant life events, and what happened there bore this out.
Yes. However, I would be surprised if my sisters were aware of where my grandparents are buried.
When I was a kid, we’d go to the cemetery on Mother’s day, Father’s day, Easter, and possibly around Thanksgiving or Christmas - I don’t recall - always in conjunction with a visit to the grandparents. As family members died, the visits became longer, as there were more graves to stop by.
Off the top of my head, I remember Uncle George - my dad’s uncle who died unmarried and childless, my mom’s grandparents, then my paternal grandparents. At that point, I’d left home, but I returned for my maternal grandparents’ funerals (both within a year of each other), my dad’s, and my great-aunt’s about 5 or 6 years ago. That was the last time I was there.
As a kid, I remember my folks being strict about us not running around, making noise, or walking on the graves (Don’t step on Uncle George!!) and I remember Mom making little bouquets of flowers from our garden when there were flowers. I remember the quiet, and always a little wind, it seemed.
I expect my last trip there will be when Mom dies, or her sister, if she goes first. But it’s 2 hours away from me, so I don’t make regular visits, and honestly, I don’t get anything but depressed when I’m there. I’d rather remember my relatives as they were alive instead of as a plot of grass.
I live five blocks from the graveyard where my parents are. My fathers side of the family is also there. I walk there maybe five times a year and go to each grave. Make sure the stones are alright and think about my family.
My moms side of the family has a old cemetery. Lot of her family were buried there from 1900-1970. My grandmother was really good about checking on its condition and making certain it got mowed. She had known these people when she was a kid. She didn’t want to be buried there because of worries about future upkeep. Our family still chips in money to pay someone to look after the cemetery.
I go by there about once a year. Its a 100 mile drive from my house. I never knew most of those relatives. Most died before I was born.
Philadelphia has *many *asses.
I had no idea that Memorial Day had connotations other than to remember those who have died in military service. Interesting. I don’t really have graves to visit, as both sides of my family tend towards cremation.
When I was first widowed, I would visit my husbands grave quite often, but I haven’t been there in many years now.
My parents are not close enough for me to visit. We placed my moms ashes into her moms grave, and I’d sure like to visit that site someday. It’s a very old cemetery in Tampa. Maybe I’ll get the chance when I retire.
The Catholic cemetery was just a short walk across the field behind my grandmother’s house (and still is, though Grandma died ~15 years ago and the house is occupied by other relatives). When I was a child, my siblings, cousins, and I used to play there often and drop by our grandfather’s grave; he died when I was 2 and before the younger kids were even born. On the night after Grandma’s funeral, pretty much the whole family wound up gathered there.
The last time I was visiting the area with some friends, we stayed in a bed and breakfast–an old, restored Victorian home that had once belonged to my great-great-grandfather. He and his daughters are also buried in the same cemetery, although I didn’t know about them when I was a child. After I had told my friends about this family history, I took them over to the cemetery so they could meet some of my dead relatives before I introduced them to the living ones still in town.
Well, on Memorial Day when we visit the family graves we do put little flags on the graves of those who are military veterans. One year some organization had already done that, put flags on the graves, but I know that one guy was rolling over in his grave as he was a Confederate veteran! His daughter married my maternal grandmother’s brother, making her my great aunt by marriage. She had a brother, who died at sixteen, whose name was R. E. Lee Woody, so you know that Dad wouldn’t have wanted a US flag on his grave.
One cemetery we visit has a veteran from the War of 1812! Not a relation, but still kind of cool to see, speaking historically.
Actually, the only family graves (other than where my brother’s ashes are scattered) locally are those of two of my great-grandmother’s great-uncles (that would be my 4 X great uncles) who fought and died at the battle of Murfreesboro (or Battle of Stones River, if you choose). I discovered their resting place was at the national cemetery there while doing genealogy. It’s only 25 miles from where I live (and 380 miles from where they were from). And yes, I have visited.
I do.
I used to go every year with a friend to her mother’s grave, we’d pack a lunch and loll about, it’s a beautiful spot.
I go at Christmas and leave little trees, sometimes. I go on her birthday and tidy up, do the whole family while I’m there.
I was once in Singapore, on the traditional grave tending day and went, with a friend and her family, from graveyard to graveyard, cleaning and tiding. I quite enjoyed it, to be honest.
I always enjoy graveyards, and often visit them when traveling.
I sometimes visit my paternal grandmother’s grave on her birthday. (Grandpa is also buried there along with a child that died early). I don’t know why.
Whenever I visit my mother I also go to the cemetery and visit my father’s grave.