(blinks twice)
Canadians.
Growing legalized dope.
On a huge pile of radioactive lizard poop.
Ghod, this is starting to sound like some kind of horrible Troma movie, starring Jack Black and Julie Strain…
I’ve just consulted the Zombie Survival Guide, which claims that zombie digestive systems ARE dormant, and that consumed human flesh remains undigested. However, it notes that if a sheer volume of consumed human doesn’t cause the zombie to outright rupture, the meat will eventually be “forced [out] through the anus,” while not actually becoming feces per se. (Kind of like Zombie Olestra, I guess.)
It also claims that one captured (and dissected) zombie specimen had over 211 pounds of human meat inside his body cavity. He was a hungry boy, apparently.
Damn! What with all the research going on in this thread, we gotta be careful or someone will move it to GQ!
Well, y’know, fightin’ ignorance and all that.
And I find it hard to believe that a zombie could actually poop via the sheer volume of flesh consumed, considering the fact that in order for this to work, (a) the system would require lubrication, i.e., water consumption, and (b) the fact that the meat would have a tough time working its way through several dozen yards of rotting intestine if it weren’t pretty well masticated.
I personally prefer the “exploding zombie” theory…
Well, it’s all a bit moot with Zombies really, but it really depends on the body and it’s environment. The prescence of more bacteria and parasites would speed the process as would a warmer climate. The body generally swells up first as the bacteria inside produce more gasses (the smell of decomposition is actually bacteria farts ;)), then a leak will develop and the gas will escape slowly (usually through the rectum) allowing the body to collapse in on itself. Although it is possible for the skin to rupture and release pressure more quickly, given the motion and clumsiness of your average Zombie, I imagine they’d have a constant leak (snicker) but a rupture would probably be fairly common too.
As far as I’m aware there’s never been a test where they pumped extra food into a rotting corpse or kept the limbs moving to see what happens. Lottery grant anyone? heh.
Having aspirated a few bodies in my time, I think I’d rather be eaten by the Zombies than be retained as some sort of undead organ irrigator. Besides, releasing the gasses isnt going to stop the decomposition.
Huh.
Couldn’t the zombie excrete its own rotting intestines first, then expel the brains/whatever it’s been eating?
Of course, that would lead to the question of how the matter is expelled with no intestinal muscles to help it along. I suppose it would either be a build up of internal pressure or maybe that just give each other big ol’ hugs, like squeezing out toothpaste, only ickier.
Let’s take for a given, for the moment, that a zombie could poop. After all, the arms and legs are working to a limited extent, why not internal organs? However, given that the organs would be operating haphazardly (i.e., zombie fashion), the end results would likely be poorly digested, if at all. Would other zombies then react to the brain-poop and, well, re-eat it? Ewwwww …
I don’t remember which movie it happened in, but there was one zombie who, upon being eviscerated, began to re-consume its innards. Not quite poop, but not quite food…
:eek:
Man, you musta seen more zombie movies than I have.
It was my understanding that zombies weren’t much interested in any meat that was anywhere near room temperature. Therefore, they don’t attack each other, and they would be unlikely to autocannibalize.
Excretion, I would think, would kind of hinge on an actual muscle reaction of some sort, to move the poop along. Therefore, excreting one’s own rotting intestines would seem unlikely, at least until the rectum ring is decayed enough that it’s no longer watertight, at which point the zombie would seem to be decayed enough that it would have other problems.
However, using the Romero films as canon, it also seems that the reactivation process also slows decay; zombies seem to be able to perambulate and hunt many months after death, despite obvious decay problems. Therefore, it’s safe to say that perhaps the zombie’s own body would not generate the gases of decay. I was thinking more of the zombie’s meals… and a considerably shorter route of exit from the body, for gases, anyway, is the gullet, although certainly the intestines will be inflating and expelling some gas as well. Theoretically, a well-fed zombie, as previously mentioned, should likely be burping and farting like mad… an idea which frankly kind of amuses and boggles the mind when I think of a mob of zombies trying to sneak up on the living after dark… “Ssshhh! Dammit, Guido! Shut the hell up! They’re gonna get away THIS time, too, if you don’t keep a lid on it!”
Of course, this could also presuppose that zombie digestion is dependent on this gas in some way, if only to keep it moving along the intestinal tract. Geez. Maybe zombies DO poop…
Actually, I’ve never seen the film I mentioned. I just enjoy reading film reviews online. (And I’ve really not seen many zombie movies myself; at least not compared to all the zombie-zombies out there.) From what I remember of the review, the zombie in question was more interested in returning its organs to their proper place inside its body, rather than just eating them. I believe it may have been one of the last scenes in the film, as well.
On the subject of mummies, are their intestines one of the internal organs removed from them during the mummification process? I believe this would impact (no pun intended 
) their ability to poop.
Back to zombies proper, somebody’s most likely already done a zombie flick using this premise, but… I had the demented idea to do a film where the undead, instead of being so horny for brains, would be horny for, well, sex. Instead of grabbing and biting victims, they’d grab and hump them. Of course, maybe they’d bite them to death in the throes of passion.
But, only the dead who died as virgins would be reanimated. But that wouldn’t mean non-virgins would be safe from the advances of the zombies. They’ll screw the brains out of anyone. 
Perhaps they’d be more likely to go straight for the virgins in a crowd, though. Nonetheless, a lot of horny guys and gals would have a relatively good reason to try and get it on before the zombies find them.
That would be a great movie, methinks!
I don’t even like zombie movies, and I still had to open this thread. Why? Because every time I see the title I keep thinking it’s asking if zombies pop, and I get this image of a zombie head exploding like a well popped pimple.
Then I scan down the thread and discover that people are suggesting that zombies really would pop, eventually. :eek:
I have to go scrub my brain now.
That reminded me of this:
I like the brain-eating zombies better than the other kind. If they were jelly beans I’d go for them first.
Would now be a bad time to bring up munging?
What if there was a group of people who liked that sort of thing, and did it to the zombies as charity work?
Maybe the zombies hold some victims captive in order to force them to mung
Zombie Mom: “It’s brains, dear–and chew twenty times before you swallow!”
Zombie Tot: “I say it’s spinach and I say the hell with it!”
:eek:
If there was ever a good time to bring up munging, this would be it. However there is NEVER a good time to bring up munging.
Eww…
I was thinking more along the lines of:
UNNNGH! UNNNNNGGGNNNGGGGGGGGH! Brains. (flush)
Master Wang-Ka, your summary of the undead’s eating-and-excretory habits is probably the finest thing I’ve read in awhile. And to think I was giving you advice in the DotD thread. I’m so humbled.
Good work. (golf clap)
The only “mung” I know of is either the bean or the acronym (“Mash Until No Good”). I must be getting old, not keeping up with you youngsters’ colloquialisms …
Chastain86, it ain’t the writin’. It’s the research. And it’s all a collaborative project.
I really don’t think I have it in me to do an independent solo research project about zombie poop.
As to munging: I have no clue what this person is talking about… but based on context, I prolly don’t WANT to, now, do I?
TOTBP: Yes, prior to mummification, a mummy had his internal organs removed; it was part of the embalming process. They couldn’t force natron or spices into internal organs, so it was easier just to take 'em out and put them in little jars, which would then be placed in the tomb with the mummy, on the off chance he’d need his guts with him in the afterlife.
This has led me to wonder, on the off chance that the ancient Egyptian version of the afterlife was on the money… how did all those kings and queens feel about waking up in the afterlife with their kidneys several feet away in separate jars? I think I’d find this a little disturbing, whether dead or undead, you know?
Then again, you really only need ONE thing to poop, and I’m pretty sure the embalmers left that item right where it was…