Does a charity "owe" one anything?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Long version: eleven months ago, my husband - a deputy sheriff - was seriously injured in a car wreck in the line of duty. The initial call was to a structure fire on Friday, December 28, around ten a.m., at an address where Tony feared that there were children whose parents might have been at work. Idiot driver didn’t know how to yield correctly, Tony zigged, zagged, zigged again, and finally hit the ditch and pole vaulted his car, trying to miss Mr. Idiot, who was cited for failure to yield to an emergency vehicle running lights and siren.

Tony was cut from the car and airlifted to the regional trauma center. He suffered a tib-fib fracture that required two dozen pieces of metal to repair, plus a concussion, head laceration requiring 21 stitches, facial fractures, four spinal fractures, three rib fractures, collapsed lung, collarbone fracture, broken elbow, broken pelvis, labral tear, kidney laceration, knee injury, etc. Eleven months later, he still has at least three more surgeries before he can return to work.

The other day, I was looking up a news story about a colleague of my husband, who died in a line of duty car wreck. The search terms I used brought up an article about another colleague, who was seriously injured in the same wreck. That co-worker received help from a charity whose primary mission is to assist survivors of first responders killed in the line of duty. I followed some more links to that charity’s website…

My initial thought about the help received by my husband’s colleague was “cool, I didn’t realize they used to help in that type of situation.” But, as it turns out, this charity actually does offer help in situations other than deaths. The last several listed “who we’ve helped” include officers injured on duty, a sheriff who died of cancer, a fire chief and a police chief who died off duty, of chronic disease, etc.

Please don’t get me wrong: I don’t begrudge the help anyone has received from this group. But I do feel very much like there’s something very wrong when my husband is overlooked. He actually was hurt while trying to prevent harm, unlike Mr Sheriff Who Died of Cancer at age 76, whose son was appointed interim before being elected to the position for another four years. (And believe me, that family wasn’t in a position of financial want.) The latest recipient of this charity’s largesse is a friend of my husband’s. He was hurt on the job - slipping on a curb on his way to the office.

So, two questions: am I justified in wondering why my husband has been overlooked? And, if so, how should this be addressed?

2

How do people come to this charity’s attention?

It is possible that they simply rely on people who fit the criteria making themselves known to them. Since your husband didn’t know that he did fit the criteria, he wouldn’t have done so.

I don’t think there should be any big drama with simply ringing them and asking.

3

My guess is there are two things to consider:

  1. Someone has to inform the charity of the situation - be it a colleague or supervisor or friend of the family.

  2. Need. If someone has great insurance, and is still getting paid their full salary, well - that might lessen the “need” factor. Charities usually zero in on people who have no other resources and have mounting bills that can put them further in jeopardy of losing their homes or being denied health care, etc
    You also have to take into consideration how much money that particular charity has on hand - and if there was a sudden rush of donations for a particular case that may have made the local news and caused many to donate.

However, if you are indeed in dire need of financial help, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to call someone at that charity and tell them your story.

4

I would second what Aspidistra recommended, that is, ringing the charity and just asking them. I do wonder though, even if your husband didn’t know of the charity, why someone ELSE hasn’t mentioned it before.

But if you are knocked back, I would be then jumping up and down like a mad thing to find out the reasons why. From the info you’ve given, sounds like there might be some dodgy dealings with the charity…sometimes such things can be true as much as we like to think that all charities are equitably charitable.

Good luck with your ventures.

5

It is in the nature of charities to be scattershot and random. Who gets helped, and how, is essentially at the whim of teh people who control them.

6

This, although “whim” isn’t necessarily the best word. It isn’t necessarily intentional, just random chance as to what they happen to find out about.

Call and ask for support for your husbands bills, as he apparently fits their criteria. Don’t frame it as “Why weren’t you paying for my husband already?”, but as “We just found out you help in situations like my husband’s. Can you help us?” without any accusations.

7

Agreed here. I’ve been involved in a handful of smaller charities (and somewhat associated with a larger one). It’s sometimes hard to know who is out there that needs help.

There’s a national charity that I’ve dealt with a bit for helping disabled people after disasters - I know a few of the main people from another board. When I ran across something I thought they would be interested in helping with, I sent them a note. The recipients got an immediate check for $500 on my recommendation, and then an official follow up to see what the situation was and how they could best help.

8

Well, given the politics of police work, it likely wouldn’t be wise to call up and even suggest that this particular ball has been dropped. This particular charity is basically made of of a “who’s who” of local social and political powers, and their mission is both small and focused enough that a phone call from me would probably not go over well… (Seriously - their list of recipients of help is 46 families over the past 13 years.) I’m just guessing that the news coverage of my husband’s wreck (a) didn’t really emphasize the serious nature of his injuries, and (b) happened at a time when many would have missed the news coverage. So, it’s probably a good thing that we weren’t really expecting anything from this group!

9

Why can’t you call, if you make sure not to imply they messed up? ZenBeam had some good language.

10

Really, for political reasons, Tony would prefer that no sort of requests for help come from us. And that’s okay.

11

I see. Is there anyone close to you who could call on your behalf?

12

I agree that you might have one of your husband’s colleagues make discreet inquiries on his behalf. And think about what sort of support you might need from them. (For example, the co-worker might call them and mention, “Tony is still recovering from his injuries and his family is having difficulty in paying the rent/mortgage/cable bill.”)

13

Tony discussed this a bit with his sergeant, and I have mentioned it to an on-line acquaintance who is active in a different chapter of this type of organization. If anything happens from here, fine. Otherwise, also fine…