Not Native American Crow(e?) but plain old big black pain in the ass bird crow.
You see for the last several days every time I am outside I hear a crow cawing at me. He is usually up in a big tree by the barn but sometimes he hangs out back by the deck. He’s there when I get in and out of the car and also when I take out the trash.
I’m not sure but he may be one of the same two crows that used to sit up in a huge sycamore tree right in front of the house and yell at me in the same manner. That tree fell down a couple of years ago and the birds left apparently in search of a suitable replacement.
Now every time I go outside Mr I’m-so-much-more-superior-than-you-cause-I-have-wings-and-you-don’t yells at me bold as you please. I think it sort of sounds like “Mermaid eats bird turds” but it could be “stand right there for a minute cause I’m coming over to crap in your hair, OK?”
I would really like to learn how to say “I don’t care if you do have wings cause I’ve got a car and you don’t so there Nyah!” but I would settle for “oh yeah, well I heard you are just a blackbird on steroids” or maybe “everyone knows crows are just dinosaurs who couldn’t cut it”.
Is there anyone out there who can help me communicate with this thing in a sincere and meaningful manner?
I think you should stand out there and yell at the top of your lungs:
CAAAAAWWW! CAAAW! CAW!
That means “You ain’t the boss of me, crowman! Get outta my lawn, you damned kids!” or something. Let me know how it works out!
On the other hand, it could be that crow from the movies that turns back and forth from crow to person and dresses all in black and kills people. Could be him.
You can get crows pretty rilled up if you can make a passable owl hoot. though that tends to bring in more crows not scare them away. the owl hoots also bother turkeys greatly.
I could help you communicate meaningfully and sincerely with the crow, but first I need to know how understanding your local public safety officials (especially police and firefighters) are.
I could send my resident mockingbird over to translate. We have a fairly regular exchange:
Bird: “Hey, this is my yard. Get out!”
Me: “This is my yard, buddy. Buzz off.”
Bird: “Be careful, lady, I’ll make you sorry!”
Me: “Oh, yeah? You and what army?”
Bird: “Don’t make me come over there.”
Me: “I’d like to see you try!”
etc.
This takes place while he glares at me from the pecan tree, fence, and picnic table, occasionally darting in to land a few feet away and puffing out his chest in a manly fashion. After a while, I finish what I’m doing and go back inside, and Mr. He-man Mockingbird claims victory for another day.
Actually, I think a group of crows is called a murder.
As for communicating, I’ve had good luck flapping my arms like a madman and shouting CAWW–CAAAAW!!!. They seem to understand better if you’ve been drinking.
