My brother doesn’t speak to me - for reasons I don’t really understand but then again he doesn’t really communicate much with any of the family. The sad thing is that he’s about the only member of my family I actually respect for what he’s achieved in life…still you can’t choose your family etc etc…
My grandmother, the one grandparent I have left (and she knows this), has always been a difficult thing for my mother to handle. “Oh, well you know dear, we didn’t want you/you were very plain/you were an accident/you ruined your father’s plans.” And I’m leaving out some of the more painful stuff because let’s remember what forum this is.
My mother still talks to her (as far as I know) because of that whole “honor your father and mother” thing, which she interprets to mean not “don’t give them the attention they deserve” (none) but “keep on giving her chances to hurt you”. Now, this in and by itself would not necessarily solely be grounds for me to sever ties with her, but then she is told that I am engaged to someone three years my junior.
I have blocked out of my mind specifically what the reaction was, but if nothing else comes to fruition in my life, she will never know what I am doing except through little notes in the mail, from time to time, from my mother. I have no desire to let her affect my life any more than she already has. The things she has said and done to my mother, combined with her utter lack of respect for another person’s LIFE, tell me exactly how much I should care for hers.
That’s mother’s side of the family.
On my father’s side I refuse wholesale to communicate with, among other things, three relatives of mine who … well, if they were brought to civil suit and the parties involved told the truth, it would depend on whether or not they could get internet access from prison.
For a very long time.
And this is not “wrongful death” or something that can be played as such. This is the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to do for a good many years. This is, in my eyes, one of the few things you never do I don’t care what the situation is. Some things you just do not do. And they did them for years.
Let other people talk to them. I have made known my reasons, and nobody … nobody … could truthfully object. Not one person could give me an honest reason why I should not sever all ties with them. Note I say “honest” because among some on that side of the family, denial is not just a river in Egypt. And it flows deep and wide and cold. It flows between them and their children.
Don’t talk to my (only) sister. Really bad blood there.
Don’t talk to most of my aunts and uncles on either side of the family.
My mom is about the only person with whom I have regular contact. One of my dad’s brothers emails a couple times a year. Due to distance only occasionally (every few years) do I see any other of my dad’s family. I haven’t seen any of my mom’s family in about 3 years.
My paternal grandparents got divorced in the late sixties and never spoke again. Birthdays, Christmases and so on were divided between them (it’s grandpa’s turn…). My grandfather died a little over a year ago and my grandmother has become demented, so it’s not a problem anymore.
My immediate family doesn’t speak to my maternal uncle and his family. I’m not sure exactly what happened since I was pretty young when the rift occurred, but I know I’m the only one who’s met them since, and that was several years ago. I have two cousins I’ve only met that one time.
My father doesn’t talk to any of his five brothers or sisters (or their kids). I won’t speak to them either. I’d rather not speak to any of my moms brothers or sisters but its not a problem since I dont see them that much. I dont speak to any cousins and neither does my sister. Gosh what a happy family I have…
On one hand, I’m kind of relieved I’m not the only one.
On the other hand, I wish I was the only one. hugs to everyone
My mother’s brother severed contact with her shortly after their father died. Their youngest sister is mentally handicapped and she lives with my mom. My grandfather left a good-sized estate to care for the youngest until her death, with any remaining money going to the surviving sibs at that time.
My uncle seems to think my mother is using the money for herself. She has absolutely no need to because my dad had a good retirement/survivor benefit set up, so even as a widow, Mom is doing OK. And my uncle has been on disability since he was hurt (nearly killed) on the job as a longshoreman, plus he realized a major chunk of change when he sold some property, so he’s not living in a cardboard box.
Anyway, he doesn’t answer calls or letters. He’s refused numerous invitations to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, he didn’t come to my folks’ 50th anniversary party and he didn’t come to my dad’s funeral. All because of his perception of a non-issue money issue. I know it hurts my mom, but there’s not a whole lot she can do. And I can’t remember the last time I saw my cousins from that branch of the family. Ah well…
I don’t talk to either of my parents. But, if I wanted to see either of them, I’d need a shovel…:eek:
I have two cousins, a brother and sister, and they haven’t spoken to each other in years. I saw him at a familily bat mitzvah celebration a few days ago, and he told me that he doesn’t have any idea why his sister won’t talk to him.
It’s pretty sad, because when the cousins all got together when we were younger, we always had a great time.
I don’t wanna play the upholder of moral standards, but damn Iam really shocked!
How’s it possible that so many family members live apart from each other??? My family hasn’t got such problems although we argue a lot. (Just a little with my Uncle. But we solved that while having a good bottle of wine ;-))
In my opinion it’s really important to tell someone straight what you think, forgive others and apologize. Especially the last is a tough thing, I know. But I can’t imagine someone to be happy not talking to family members anymore. It takes a lot to go up to someone and try to burry the hatchet, but it’s certainly worth it.
(If you don’t like this post, ignore it…)
c ya sev
Well I haven’t talked to my father in nearly 2 years. It doesn’t sound like very long really, and it doesn’t bother very much anymore. Come to think of it though, we have never talked very much at all. It’s not that we had some kind of falling out or anything like that, he has just never made much of an effort to ever know me. I’ve just come to accept that he will always be manipulative and if he’s going to play stupid little games, there’s no point trying to keep in touch with him.
He used to write to me every now and then, and when I actually replied to his last letter, I never heard another thing from him. That was nearly a year ago now. I suppose he sees it as some kind of punishment to me for not wanting to go interstate to visit him. But oh well, that’s life.
My father hasn’t spoken to his brother since leaving the house at age 17. He will be 66 this year.
Well, my father did try to call him a couple of years ago, but my uncle played the “I don’t know you, don’t call here anymore” game. From what I understand, half of my cousins don’t talk to their father, either. Apparently he’s a snarky old bastard. We do keep in touch with his kids since we found them online.
I went for two years without talking to my older sister. We got in a fight one Thanksgiving, and she told me that I was a selfish brat and that I didn’t care about anyone else but myself. (The fight started because I took my mom’s side in a disagreement she and my sister had.) The only reason she started talking to me again was because my younger sister got married, and she didn’t want to be perceived as the “bitch of the family” at the wedding. My opinion of her still hasn’t changed, but I talk to her.
I don’t speak to my father for a host of reasons, the main one being he’s just not worth my time or energy. I get a dose of the guilts everytime I call my grandmother (his mother) because it hurts her that we don’t speak. :: shrug :: I don’t like hurting her, but I hate hurting myself more and that’s what contact with my father would do - that’s been proved enough in the past. No more.
Haven’t spoken to my twin brother in four years (give or take), mainly due on his part.
My husband cut off contact with his father about a year ago. We still make an effort to keep in touch with his side of the family, though. His parents are divorced, and this decision was a long process, not because of an argument or holding a grudge.
Sometimes it’s easier ( and better ) to let it all go.
Do Mother-in-laws count? I haven’t spoken to mine since we got caller id. (Have I mentioned how much I LUUUUUUUV caller id?)
She’s 84, paranoid, very negative and hateful (but in a nice way), and thinks I’m the biggest mistake Hubby ever made. And my christmas present to her last year? I sent Hubby to her for the holidays. (and she thanked him for not bringing me.) grrrrrrrr
My sister-in-law has offered to be my surrogate m-i-l; I just love her!
Severen, if your parents stole the health care coverage for their own granddaughter (your little girl), just how much would you want them in your life?
I don’t talk to my younger sister. I am 24, she is 19. She is a total nutcase and has been unbearable for years. I’m chalking most of that up to teenage angst, so I hope that someday we’ll be on speaking terms again. Her birthday was last week and I bought her a very nice present (which she hasn’t thanked me for yet, btw, although my parents assure me she loves it), so it’s not like we don’t acknowledge each other completely, we simply…don’t communicate.
My sister went on a rant a few years ago and I told her not to call anymore if she was going to behave that way (well, I may have said it more colorful than that). Her family hasn’t made any contact with me or my kids. Considering that they are my kids godparents and only live about 40 miles away, it was a bit of an ordeal. I come from a family of six, and at this point, she’s not talking to 3 of us!
We moved three times in two years and didn’t tell my wife’s side of the family about the last two moves. With any luck, we’ve thrown them off the trail so they won’t be finding us any time soon.