I haven’t spoken with my biological father for about 5 years now. The last time I saw him before that was when I was 2 years old. Out of all his children, and all of his marriages, I am the only child that he did not maintain contact with. When I was 18, I decided that I would regret not finding him, especially if I waited and found out that he had died. I located him and basically showed up on his doorstep. He’s remarried with 5 kids at home. The family seems nice…but it isn’t my family. He wasn’t there when I was growing up, and I really have no desire to continue contact. He has my phone number and address, but I haven’t heard from him in several years now. I am not planning on reestablishing contact with him although if he were to call me, I would talk to him. There are a lot of other issues that have influenced my decision. I am glad that I made the effort to find him. I would do it again. But I am also content for the most part with our current lack of communication.
Haven’t spoken (civilly, anyway) to my father since 1990. I think my sister, who had much more reason than I do, kept on contacting him for a while, but gave up after it became clear their main issue just wasn’t going to be resolved. That break affected my relations with my grandmother somewhat, although I wrote her letters and sent her a birthday card every year until she died. Sis and I both went to her funeral and managed to ignore our dad well enough even though it was just immediate family. Haven’t often spoken to my uncle or aunt on that side of the family either, but that’s just 'cos of distance.
Sorry – can’t ignore it 
You mention a small issue with your uncle that you solved with a bottle of wine. That’s well and good – keep in mind, however, that not all issues are small and not all problems can be solved by a bottle of wine.
I don’t talk to my biological father for a very good reason. He’s a pedophile, plain and simple, and I have no room in my life for someone who is unrepentant about the kinds of things he did.
My decision wasn’t made out of anger or hurt or anything negative, it’s really more about setting appropriate boundaries for me to feel safe and secure in my own life. And it’s what works for me.
Of course I would not want them in my life. But Iam sure they did not do it without a reason. There must be something before. (we better stop here, we can’t talk about everybody’s probs in one thread ;-))
I just mentioned it by the way (to show that my familiy is not perfect ;-)). And I know that my family’s problems are nothing compared to the rest in this thread.
My plea was addressed to the people who wished to have contact.
(I better shut my mouth before I get problems with you ;-))
I better go and call a girl I haven’t talked to for 3 days now although I love her
severin
I had a big fight with my father outside my grandma’s with him and his new wife, and I’ve not spoken to him for five years.
I have to second that, Contrary. Sometimes there are just things that can’t be forgiven.
Both my parents are dead and I hope to never hear from my only sister again. About 9 years ago she applied for credit cards using my social security number and her address. She didn’t get them–because she is stupid (she put on the application that she made $42,000 per year working at a car wash. Unless it’s a topless carwash, honey, I don’t think so!) This was just one of her criminal stunts. She’s still wanted in this state for welfare fraud so I don’t think she’ll show up on my doorstep any time soon. I have no desire to see her again and I certainly don’t want my children to meet her.
My dad’s family is all in the mid-west and I never really knew them so we don’t keep in touch. My mom’s family puts the fun in dysfunctional–I prefer to keep my distance there. But I have friends who are closer to me than any blood relative ever was and we spend lots of time together.
Don’t talk to my maternal grandmother. She’s caused my dear aunt and mother more heartache and tears than she’s worth. When they were willing to put up with her drama and nonsense, I put up with it. When they FINALLY decided to cut her out of their lives, I stuck by them and will continue to follow their lead.
My brother and sister remain loyal to my grandmother for reasons which escape me. She’s as sweet as pie to them in front of their face. But when they leave, she can’t stop gossiping about them. According to her, my sister is going to hell for getting divorced. Twice. Her children are brats. My brother married a gold-digging whore who was “all used up” because she had come off a long-term relationship with another guy before she met my brother.
I’ve come to a point in my life where I realize that I can’t stop Granny from talking nasty about the people she pretends to love. But I sure the hell don’t have to give her a set of willing ears anymore.
Family? BWWWWAAAAAAAA. You gotta be kidding?
My Dad is dead, but I sure didn’t speak to him for 3 years before that. I hated getting continual shit for something I did for him. (He didn’t like it but the city gave us no chice.)
My Mom is still alive but get returns in spades of the ignoring she did of me as a youth.
And my Brother? well, he’s still holding a 15 year grudge against my Roommate and Cousin that keeps him from knocking on the door or ringing the phone. If his hatred and fear overides anything positive he may feel about a relationship with me he deserves to be the lonely old’ spinster he’s slowly turning into.
My Half-Brother is about useless as a Brother but good for an aqaintance, and it is the best it gets.
About the only family memebr I don’t resent is my Half-Sister but she has always been “buzy with her life” so not talking has been the norm for 30 years.
Yup, I am among a crop of winners
I haven’t spoken with my older brother (9 years older than me) in over a decade. My 2 sisters have not spoken to, or had any contact with him for the same amount of time. Basically, my brother decided a long time ago that he wanted to be a drug addict and thief more than he wanted to be a part of our family. For years, my parents tried everything they could to help him- counselling (for him and us), therapy, rehab, etc…It’s basically cycle- he gets arrested, makes the tearful “I want to change my life” phone call to my parents, they bail him out and pay for whatever court-ordered program he’s assigned to. Then, as soon as he can, he walks out or relapses, all the while telling my parents it’s their fault he can’t get his life together. Several times, he’s shown up at my parents house in the middle of the night, whacked out on drugs and begging for a place to sleep. Then, the following morning, my moms purse is empty, my dads checkbook is missing, and the car is gone. We finally, as a family, told him that he is on his own from now on. It breaks my heart to see my parents trying to help him, only to have him play the victim card over and over. After years of my brother telling my mom that it’s her fault he turned out this way, she of course starts to believe it, and it wrecks her . I’ve seen her break down many times, wondering if she did something wrong to make him a lying crackhead. My brother is a master manipulator- he knows what buttons to push to get his way, and he won’t hesistate to sink to any level because he thinks the world owes him something. I sincerely hope he someday gets his sh*t together, but after 15 years of our entire family revolving around his court dates/rehab/violent outbursts/stealing, he can do it on his own.
I haven’t talked to my maternal grandparents in 17 years. For all I know they could be dead.
No great loss. I have never met two more bitter, control freak hags in my life.
I haven’t talked to my mother in 10 years. She pulled some shitty stuff on my dad during their divorce, lied to me about it, and I figured I was better off without her. I don’t regret it either.
As I told my sister (we were on the outs for a couple of years, but now we’ve patched things up) I don’t hate my mother.
I’d have to care to hate her.
And severin, if I may…just because someone is related to you by blood does not mean they are a nice person. If they are hurtful and cause you pain, why keep them in your life?
Some things can’t be fixed. It’s better to write it off as a loss and get on with your life.
I’m pretty much the exile on my father’s side of the family but it is my choice. I finally had the courage to tell my husband about the 2 decades of physical, emotional and sexual abuse I suffered at my father’s hands. When I started talking my father started spreading his own version of events and pretty much all the relatives believed I was a lying vindictive snot. I don’t really care about any of them anyway they are all pretty insane anyway.
I have a very strained relationship with my mother. She did divorce my father but she’s got regrets since she doesnt like living alone and she can’t keep up with the house very well. She also goes into pity me mode whenever anything about the abuse surfaces. She’s the bigger victim here… right ma. So the jury is still out on how long we will still be communicating.
Thank goodness for my husband’s family 
I personally don’t have anyone I won’t speak to, but there are relatives who, for whatever reason, choose not to speak to the rest of us. My dad’s oldest brother hasn’t spoken to most of us since I was a tiny baby. He didn’t come to either of his parents’ funerals, my dad’s funeral, or their sister’s funeral. Family rumor has it that he did keep in touch with his sister and with one of his sons, but why my dad and their other brother, his other sons, and everyone else are on his personal “ignore” list is a mystery. My dad was hurt when he found out his brother had talked to his their sister and not him; he was honestly ignorant of what he might have done to have hurt or piss off his brother so much, other than being born. If you’re going to hold a grudge someone, isn’t it good manners to at least tell them why first? We aren’t psychics, people!
And speaking of my absent uncle’s other kids, one of them appears to be pulling a disappearing act, too. His ex-wife has shown up to more family functions in the last 10 years than he has. Again, I don’t know why. Maybe we’re just bloody annoying people?
On my mom’s side of the family, one of her half-sisters also had some kind of disagreement with the other sister, and refused to speak to her or any other family members she perceived as siding against her. She didn’t come her my grandmother’s (their step-mother’s) funeral, even though so far was we know her disagreement had nothing to do with grandma. (Again, is a note or something too much to ask for?) For over 20 years, she was incommunicado, but I think she’s softened with time. Just for the hell of it, I sent her an invitation to my wedding and included a letter so she’d know who the heck I even was (I’ve never met her), and she sent back a letter and a check for $50! (Not that I was grubbing for money, it just seemed like an extravagant present for a niece you don’t know.) Since then, we’ve exchanged Christmas cards, and last year my mom and the other sister and another half-sister from another marriage (Oh what a tangled web we weave once we practice to conceive ;)) all drove to her house and surprised her on her birthday. And she didn’t slam the door or spit on them or anything so I guess there are no hard feelings. So this story had a happy ending
My grandmother has not spoken to her brother, her only living sibling, in more than 20 years. I don’t know the details, but I’ve heard it has something to do with a fight about money after her father’s death.
One of my cousins hasn’t spoken to me in almost 11 years. Judging from what I’ve heard, she’s cut herself off from many people in our family. I’ve written to her many times, but I’ve never gotten a response.
Actually, that’s not completely true. I recently received invitations to her wedding and her “surprise” bridal shower. The events were scheduled a month apart, and I live about 1,500 miles away. I can’t help thinking she just wanted a gift. 
I don’t talk to most of my relatives, mostly because as a family, we’re just uncommunicative. None of us do anything interesting, so there’s no point in any of us contacting any of the others and talking about it. No hard feelings, just no real incentive to talk, ever.
Except there is one uncle I actually refuse to talk to. He hit on me once, quite graphically and in front of my mother, who went along with it and then laughed it off as being harmless, because he also hit on her and she’ll basically take any attention she can get. (This made me quite angry and I didn’t speak to her for about a week. My father, however, was sufficiently angered, which was great.)
That uncle still comes to our house and brings his “precious” (read: bratty) grandchildren, and still attempts to talk to me, and I don’t even look at him. Gross. To think I sat on his lap as a child. I shudder to think what he was thinking then.
The one person I regret not talking to is my brother. He’s 7 years older than me, so we didn’t have very many common interests or friends growing up, and we never really even got to know each other, despite living together for all our lives. I’ve always thought he was a cool, nice guy, and he stood up for me with my parents a lot, but we just never talked to each other. I noticed that we developed similar interests as we got older, and probably could have had conversations, but by this time I was too shy. Yes, I know it’s weird to be shy around your own brother, but there it is - if we hadn’t talked for the first 18 or so years of my life, how could I just start? Now he lives halfway across the country.
I’ve been thinking of drawing him a picture and emailing it to him…
Just one. My aunt hurts family members on a regular basis. But for a long time I felt guilty for disliking her and told myself my grievances against her were petty, and that I should give it “just another chance” to have a good relationship.
But after she printed out and showed my parents a private e-mail I’d sent her, explaining in the most pleasant, nonaccusatory way possible why I preferred not to go shopping with her during her Thanksgiving visit, I’d had enough. I know she hoped to show my parents what an awful kid I was to say that to her. What she didn’t know was that my parents knew about the message from the start and were supportive of me. Unlike she and the rest of the family, my parents and I actually talk about things. She assumed otherwise.
It was appalling how little respect she had for private correspondence. It was even more appalling how she sought to meddle with my relationship with my parents.
Some people are poison.
My sister murdered my father for money.
No one in the family will have anything to do with her anymore.
My parents threw me out of the house when I 16, so we haven’t spoken or seen each other since then (I’m 33 now). Also haven’t seen my sister since then. My sister speaks to both parents I believe but the parents are divorced and don’t talk. As far as I’m aware, nobody talks or sees aunts, uncles, cousins etc. I think I have 2 step-brothers too, but I’ve never met them.
I was having this converstation with GF the other day and she doesn’t believe me when I say the situation does not bother me at all. I could understand this a bit more if her family were close, but they aren’t.
The way I think of it, my parents threw me out when I was 16. My father & sister have never tried to contact me and my mother waited 11 years before half heartedly trying. I’ve lived over half my life in this situation so why would it concern me?
I have a number of friends who know we far better than my family ever did. I guess I just don’t believe blood is thicker than water.
I’ve seen my dad exactly 3 times since I was 2 years old. Once when I was 7…he came to visit, swore he’d start writing me every week, and we could go visit him, and he’d take us to Disneyworld over summer break. I still have the only letter he ever wrote after that, and I waited by the mailbox every day for word from him. Never got it. I saw him again when I was 11. My mom took him to court for owed child support, totalling about $30,000 for my sister and I. And, 4 months ago, when I stopped by on my recent Florida visit to reconcile. He told me he was too busy to be burdened down by a daughter, and he pretty much wanted nothing to do with me. I’m 21 years old…how much of a burden could I be? I’m done with the whole parental guidance thing…
Needless to say, if we never talk again, it wouldn’t be a great loss. I also haven’t talked to either of my paternal grandparents since I was 5. Not a great loss there either.
It’s been almost three years since I spoke with my dad.
He’s just a poisonous person who always manages to bring out the worst in me. That was fine (meaning that I knew this and still had contact with him), until I discovered that he had attempted to cheat my mother in their divorce settlement. What a sack of shit. That made me think really hard.
And I realized that I just don’t trust him. There’s no telling what he’ll do. He’s got no moral compass and no sense of personal responsibility. That means that whatever he wants to do, he can justify to himself, make himself right in doing. I forget which psychologist invented the scale, but he’s at the toddler stage where you can break any law (legal or moral) as long as you can get away with it.
How can I expose my children to that?
It’s kind of a bummer, because I do miss him, and it has put a strain on relationships with other folks on that side. But I don’t trust him.
We’re all better off without him…
As someone else said: Thank goodness for my wife’s sane, loving family. They’ve shown me what a family life can and should be.
Nog
Hehehe, the ONLY people in my family I talk to are my father and maternal grandmother.
Most of this is due to not having people’s addresses or phone numbers, and I wasn’t close with any aunts/uncles/cousins at any point, and I don’t talk to my mother really, but um…yeah.
My friends have always been more my family than my family was.