Yes, but older, in itself, isn’t a bad thing.
However, I can understand chiroptera’s male acquaintances refraining from compliments on her new look… because many women have swallowed the idea that all signifiers of age are always bad, in women. Therefore many men are reluctant to say anything to a woman that can be heard as “you look older.”
nm
Before going the salon route, have you tried any of the blue or purple shampoos/additives that are for brightening and removing the yellowish tones? It might be worth a try before committing to salon visits and expense. I’ve heard of a product from Lush and one at Whole Foods (don’t remember the names on the bottles) that are at least “natural” and work well. Places like Sally’s beauty supply I think also have them. Some people add a little to their regular shampoo, some just use it once in a while, I guess there has to be some experimenting to get the amount and frequency of application right for each individual.
Also, if you smoke that may be a culprit, if there’s a lot of iron in your water, that can be a problem, too. Even if you get the salon treatment done, you might not be happy with maintaining the result without the blue/purple additive.
When done right, the additive looks amazing. Of course overdoing it makes your hair look blue or purple tinted. I’ve heard that aging eyes don’t see blue/purple as well, so that’s how the little old blue-haired ladies don’t realize the tint is too bright. White/gray hair can be tricky to keep “pretty,” IMO, if you’re disadvantaged by municipal water. I worry about that, because I’ve always noticed iron “rust” residue in Chicago’s water, it rings around the toilet and tub between CLR treatments. I have asked two women who were in their 50’s with stunning grey hair, and both of them said they use that additive, and a little goes a long way.
Totally off the subject, I’ve also heard of using a few drops of blue paint added to a gallon of white paint, and whatever is being whitewashed will resist turning yellowish over time. I haven’t tried it, but it was on a reputable show like “This Old House.” It just seems in line with the idea for hair, somehow, too.
I’m totally rambling, but this thread is coincidental with me looking in the mirror and looking at my roots which aren’t that bad now that I’m coloring my hair close to natural, and wondering if I should just keep letting it grow to see how the grays come in. They’re there, they’re silver and resistant to color, but I’m 40 and single and don’t think I’m quite ready yet. But maybe I am.
Emmy-Lou Harris has never looked better.
Careful with the blue and purple washes. Too much can turn you into my grandmother. You want to brighten your hair, not dye it. Use a professional. Grandma used something cheaper and bluer than Clairol.
I assume blue is for blonde and purple is for brunette.
A nice-looking 60-ish brunette woman I knew was getting a lot of gray along with the black; instead of dying the gray back to black, she began dying to ‘age-appropriate’ silver. It kind of shocked me the first time she showed up at church that way but it makes sense; looks more natural and avoids the 2-tone issue. Where I come from, gray hair is not viewed as frumpy; on the contrary, hiding it is considered a bit pretentious.
this is where?
I apologize in advance if this sounds horribly ageist and/or mean. But I **am **ageist; old people scare the shit out of me and I never want to be old. I’m sorry if I come off as mean, though. I’m speaking truthfully here. When you say:
It’s a lot more creepy to me (a totally biased and jerkish 20-something–sorry) to see a 50+ year old person exhibiting this attitude than it is to see an old person with dignified gray hair. So I vote that going gray was an improvement for you.
When I see a 50+ year old person exhibiting their boobs and playing up their sex appeal, I immediately think of someone who’s trying to look cool to their teenaged kids’ friends. Or a supercougar who’s trying to pick up guys half her age. Totally not classy, at all.
It’s neither petty or ridiculous. Wanting to look nice is a fairly universal thing among people, I think, even if how they define nice is vastly different.
I think if you look in the mirror and are feeling a bit blah about who’s looking back at you, adding a bit of highlight (whether blond or silver or whatever) would probably perk you right up.
You could certainly try something like Fanciful which is a colour enhancing shampoo - they have it in a sliver and white colour, to see if you like the results, but I think going to a salon for a pick me up is a totally reasonable thing to do.
If you were contemplating a face lift, full body liposuction and a boob job that might be a bit petty and ridiculous but a bit of colour around your face sounds like a great idea. 
Old and frumpy is not in a color - it’s in attitude, IMHO. If you feel old and frumpy, all the dyes and cosmetics in the world won’t help you. Of course, there’s a definite line between projecting vigor and vitality and clinging desperately to your 20s when you’re in your 50s. One is sexy, one is pathetic. The trick is finding what works for you.
I’m 57, and thanks to paternal genetics, I have no grey yet. When it starts to turn, I’ll decide if I like the look and deal with it accordingly. And while I have more aches and pains than I did 20 years ago, I still feel more like I’m in my 30s, so I’m not ready to spend my days hanging in the Senior Center unless it’s as a volunteer.
And I probably look frumpy more often than not because, quite frankly, I don’t much care about clothing. I’m good with jeans, T’s and sneaks. If someone judges and dismisses me because of my attire, well, it’s their loss, isn’t it? 
Yes.
Ah, I get where you are coming from and I agree. To a point…I don’t see anything wrong with a woman vamping it up on occasion, no matter what her age…and vamping it up for a husband or significant other is IMO appropriate. Trying to compete with a teenage daughter or being Jersey-Shoreish is creepy and not at all classy.
I should say that’s been my persona in my head for the last couple of decades for the most part. “…exhibiting boobs and playing up sex appeal” is totally* not* me. I wear makeup and heels maybe few times a year, otherwise I’m sort of between crunchy middle-aged hippy and REI-outdoorsy. And my regular gig is a painting contractor, so I dress like, well, a painting contractor at work. Not sexed-up in the least, I assure you!
I haven’t gone the route of silver-enhancing shampoos or anything yet.
It’s very difficult to dye hair gray. ‘Gray hair’ is what we perceive when there are enough white hairs growing amongst pigmented hairs. Individual hairs are not gray, they are white or pigmented.
You can bleach your hair until it’s white, and add a blueish or lavender dye to make it appear gray, but this is difficult and expensive to achieve and it doesn’t usually look natural. Lady Gaga has dyed her hair gray off and on.
I seriously doubt any hippie chicks are dying their hair gray in this manner. But plenty of women in their 20s and 30s have naturally graying hair.
I can respect that. I’m not yet 40 and I have grey hair coming in and I love it! But I my hair is a deep chestnut brown that verges on black, the contrast is fun for me! My partner thinks it’s hot too. But yes, a friend of mine who was blondish and greying started to dye her hair and it turned an odd shade of khaki or is “Ashen Green” a Benjamin Moore colour?
BTW, there are plenty of women with grey hair that I think are “OMG I want to have sex with her sexy.” You have to look like like the Warner Brother’s cartoon little old lady that owned Tweety Bird with your hair in a bun before I think “grey” = “grandma.”
Nicely said
Very much so.
I love Tavi! How old is she now, 15?
Her hair is more blue than gray, to my eye. Doesn’t look like any gray-haired person I’ve ever seen.
She’s fifteen? :eek: Yikes! She looks like a 43-year-old with good genes to me. :smack:
I guess that’s the aging effect of gray/blue hair! She looks even younger than her age to me… although she does usually have the hairstyle and fashion sense of an old woman.
Yeah, now that you mention it, I think the style of her gray hair, along with her glasses, clothes and facial expression contribute quite a lot to her older look in that photo too.
