Does it count as a chore if you enjoy it?

In My Humble Opinion
41

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
A couple of questions and comments.

How is the split outside of cooking and shopping? This also goes along with a question of how much time is spend on cooking a shopping. For example, let’s go with an extreme case that you spend three hours per meal cooking gourmet dishes. So if you cook say 8 meals a week, that’s 24 hours of housework.
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Without cooking and shopping, I would probably still say it was about even. She would probably disagree. So, it’s at worst 70-30 her way. But I would say 50-50.

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]

This was one of the problems that I had with my ex-wife, except that it was her religion. She thought that her hours volunteering for her religion should count as equal to the time I spend at work. If we both agreed on the merits of spending time for a religion, then it would be fine, but I thought that her religion as almost a cult, so I saw that time as negative.
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This analogy makes me understand her point of view, though I would still disagree with it, obviously.

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]

Households need to share contributions from everyone, and make sure that no one is getting stuck with all the unpleasant tasks. As jsgoddess and others have mentioned, it can’t be that only one person is stuck with all the yucky things.

[/QUOTE]

Well, over my years long objection we got a housekeeper every two weeks. So, nobody does the truly yucky things anymore! Mostly what she ends up doing is all of the bills, all of the organizing of what we need to do/buy on the weekends to get chores done, and most of the non-grocery shopping. Though lately we’ve been doing most shopping together. She also picks up a bit during the week, but I would say I do 80% of this. She takes care of the cat, but I take care of the dog (which is a bigger task!). We split and do our own laundry (is that weird?).

In all, I don’t think we’re terribly uneven even if I completely removed cooking.

This whole thing came up because she used to work a lot longer hours than me, but recently I’ve been putting in longer hours. I’ve asked her to pick up some of the slack in the chores, and she seemed surprised to hear that I believed that I did more.

42

[QUOTE=Fiveyearlurker]
Well, over my years long objection we got a housekeeper every two weeks.
[/QUOTE]

Well, I tried to see her point of view, but dammit. Nope. She’s just being unreasonable. :smiley:

43

Why don’t you just ask her what one chore you can do for her so that she thinks things are more even. Then you can go out or get take-out two nights a week to make up for the time. She’ll feel like you care about her feelings and it won’t take any time fom your day.

It does sound like she thinks that you only do things that you think are fun. I’m not saying I think she’s right because I have no idea what really goes on in your house. Perceptions are often more importnt than reality.

44

[QUOTE=Fiveyearlurker]
Without cooking and shopping, I would probably still say it was about even. She would probably disagree. So, it’s at worst 70-30 her way. But I would say 50-50.
[/quote]
Yup. She’s at fault here.

That was just an example of difference in values. The thing is that with my ex-wife, all of the efforts helped people outside of the house. Cooking helps, even if she claims it’s not needed.

You sure you don’t want to dump the wife and come live with us?

Sounds like it.

You could both keep records for a week. It could surprise her how much you are doing.

45

I just don’t get the eating habits of the couple.

Being compatible eating partners is more essential to me in a relationship as being compatible traveling partners, compatible “entertainment” partners and only slightly less important than being compatible sexual partners.

It’s EATING. It’s a necessity. You do it three times a day. It’s enjoyable to do together, and do for one another.

A woman who would be satisfied with crackers, and processed food every night for supper. . .complete, utter and total deal breaker.

I’m the primary cook, but cooking is basically a total shared experience in our house. We shop together. She’s in the kitchen when I’m cooking. She helps when I need it, and sometimes she does it all.

We’re happy with overall division of labor. I don’t think cooking figures in.