It sounds like he should be checked for autism.
Listen, China Bambina has just been formally diagnosed as autistic at age 6. We always knew she had problems - she was born limp blue and not breathing and there is an old thread on that.
Anyhoo, the child needs to be tested and the sooner the better. There are other checklists out there but you all know something isn’t right and there are autism warning flags.
Since you are being proactive and helpful, do a search ***right now ***on “autism support group” + your city. Then email or call them.
These support volunteers have been there, done that, bear the scars, live with autisms impact everyday, and generally are extremely helpful, sympathetic and non judgemental. Reach out to them and I suspect that will be really useful. And really useful to the parents.
Also search on the children’s hospital in your area and if they have an autism center. We were told that the 6 months from starting the process to formal diagnosis was extremely fast. There is government help out there as well for under 3.
Early intervention is critical for speech aquisition. Autistic kids don’t “get” the encouragement and reinforcement critical for learning how to talk. And lack of a speech delay is immensurably helpful.
(And yes I feel guity as hell for not finding a new job and relocating back to the US earlier for china bambina’s sake.)
Everything China Guy said +1000…
About 5 months ago, Caricci started the thread I linked to above. And my immediate (unspoken) thought was something like "Bwah? There’s nothing wrong with that kid. I mean, my son is only a few months younger, and he doesn’t do any of that stuff, and he’s not … he’s not…
Crap."
So now here we are 5 months later, Daniel has been through a battery of tests from paediatricians, speech therapists and psychologists (and yes, audiologists too, but he can hear fine) and he’s a few weeks away from getting what I’m about 99% certain is going to be a formal diagnosis of autism (at least, that’s what everybody’s telling us informally)
And I am SO thankful that that thread existed to give me a kick up the bum and start the process, because without that it might have been months, maybe a year before we twigged that, no, he’s not just a late talker, there’s something really wrong. Because every month really does count - a two year old is vastly different to a three year old, and every month entrenches bad habits which then have to be got rid of, at enourmous effort.
Also, it’s incredible what can be done these days with good therapy at an early age. If (when? ;)) you manage to convince your sister to get him assessed, and if there IS an issue with him, they will thank you later, for sure.
Are the grandparents willing to say anything to the parents? Or is that too much of a minefield? (I know I would not have been receptive if my parents ever tried to tell me there was anything “funny” about my kid.)
What if the brother AND the parents all say something together?