Looking for advice on a quirky (possibly Asperger's) kid.

In My Humble Opinion
1

My cousin is 5 years old, in kindergarten. His preschool teacher has suggested that he get tested for Asperger’s. I can’t really say how his social interaction is at school, but when he is at the playground or with others, he tends to play by himself. He interacts pretty well with adults. He picked up reading last year very quickly and is now reading considerably above kindergarten level. Here are some of the things that my aunt and uncle and I have been having trouble with.

He has serious screaming fits where he gets super-worked-up over a lot of things, like his toy cars being bumped or having to take his coat off when he gets home. He screams and whines in general more than his sister (who is 3), but when he gets in a real fit, there’s no stopping him. There’s no real way to get him to calm down. If you try to put him in his room, he throws things and yanks at the door to the point where we worry he will break it. He’s super-sensitive to changes in routine too, which can also cause these fits.

He also has listening issues. He says “What?” after almost everything anyone says. Sometimes it’s because he can’t hear, I’m sure, but I am not exaggerating when I say that he says it after almost EVERY single thing, no matter how loud and clear the statement or request is. This is the one that really bothers me.

He and his sister have started in with some sibling wars. She’s a wicked little pincher and hitter (which we’re trying to deal with) and he doesn’t retaliate much, but he yells and screams and takes her toys and doesn’t share well. Obviously sibling rivalry is normal, but is there anything that would be good to know in that area for a kid of his temperament?

Also, does anyone have any advice on testing for Asperger’s? My aunt and uncle have looked around the area, and the only doctor they could find told them that he could fit them in - and then promptly went on a two-year sabbatical or something. We live in New Hampshire.

I’m sure there’s more I could go on about, but I don’t want this to go to long.

Despite his quirks and issues, he’s a sweet little guy, and he actually reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. I’ll probably still be living with my aunt and uncle for at least the next couple years, at least on breaks, so it would be nice to have some strategies to pass on to them that might help.

Any advice would be welcome. Thank you!

2

My 7 year old has some similarities to your 5 year old, the tantrums, the obsession with cars (and trains too), the non-interaction with other kids. We know he falls on the autism spectrum (on the high end…possibly Asperger’s), but his reading level is a year or two below level. He does great with identification of letters, words, numbers, shapes, colors, etc…but putting it all together to make sentences and speech is somewhat difficult for him to do. Your cousin may have “auditory processing” issues, rather than being hard of hearing and there might be some ADD or ADHD issues that might be responsible for that. Our son is on the lowest form of Risperdil, Tenex and Lexapro to help address those issues. He is also a very light sleeper after 4 hours of sleep, so we also have to address that with a natural melatonin supplement. Are any of these issues similar with your cousin?

As for finding a specialist to diagnose your cousin, doctor’s are not the best for the task. You need to find a specialist in the psych related field and a trip to Boston, Hartford or even NYC would be worth your while. It will take more than a visit or two to diagnose properly, so probably plan on a batch of tests stretching out over a few months.

But of course, YMWV…each child is unique and the the other factors such as environment, upbringing, and the characteristics of your aunt and uncle will help determine what issues he has.

Good Luck.

3

Doctor Intarwebs is not the way to get a diagnosis, but you knew that :wink:

The best thing to do is to have the parents talk to the child’s doctor (pediatrician, family practitioner, whomever) and get a referral to a specialist at their local children’s hospital and/or clinic specializing in the evaluation of children with autism spectrum disorders and/or behavioral problems. The right folk can take it from there.

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An eval by the pediatrician would be good and your local school district may be able to provide some evaluation and treatment services, too. Make some calls.

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Pediatrician.

Neurologist.

Clinical psychologist who specializes in autism spectrum disorders.

They will refer you to the next bunch.

Don’t read a book or a website, don’t watch fucking Oprah or some celebrity. Real dx require highly trained medical professionals. Get real help, not bullshit scams and crazy ideas. And generally, school district psychologists suck and are looking to provide the least amount of services/help possible.

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Sounds like he needs some behavioral therapy, stat, but I’m afraid I don’t know what the situation is in New Hampshire. Here in California, you can get free psychological testing through the school district and through special centers called Regional Centers. The district or the regional center then refers you to the proper therapists, i.e. physical, occupational, educational, or behavioral.

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I have specialised in teaching gifted kids, which often includes those in the Asperger’s cohort. I would advise getting an assessment from an educational psychologist who understands the syndrome. Gifted education more than autism. There is some question now whether Asperger’s really does fit into the autism syndrome, or is its own little world - although there is certainly overlap. Although there are lots of good reasons for avoiding labelling kids, getting the right educational attention needs a label to be out on the forms. Plus it helps you find material to read - not to adhere to religiously, but to give you some idea of the different way of thinking.

If you are not aware of it, read “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime” by Mark Haddon. A great read, story written for young adults, but also an incredible insight into the thinking of Asperger’s kids. It is not a prescription for your child - just a glimpse. It helped me enormously dealing with the Aspie kids I was working with. Oh, and don’t skip the math in it - looks like a worry but is easy to understand, and glorious! And don’t let the word ‘math’ put you off. I know no-one who has read it who doesn’t love that book!

May I also add that the individuality is a real hassle for you now, but in the long term, it can be turned to a real asset. Some of the most successful adults I know now, were Asperger’s at school. The important thing is for them to understand they are different, that it is OK to be different and that their brains do operate in a different way - but it is also critical to help them to learn the strategies they need to fit in, to play the social game, to the extent that they fell that they need to, for their own happiness. That’s the balance - easy to say, not so easy to do.

Good luck.

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It does seem that the kid might benefit from a more generalized workup before testing “for” a specific diagnosis. Even simple things–like hearing.

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Thanks, this is helpful. I will suggest these steps to them and see how it goes.

Yeticus Rex, thanks for the auditory processing suggestion. That seems very plausible. The kid has been tested for hearing problems, and he has no trouble with the hearing part, so I have the feeling it must be something like that, if it isn’t just some super-annoying phase he’s going through. Either way, I guess we just need to be patient with him on that issue. He doesn’t have really have sleep problems, luckily for us. He loves trains too!

Lynne-42, do you know if there’s any specific resources for gifted children in general that we should look at besides trying to find a educational psychologist? He’s way above the skill level of what they are doing in his classroom, and he can only have one hour with the school’s gifted teacher a week. They usually don’t let kindergarteners have any time in gifted, but my aunt insisted. They would love to send him to private school or homeschool, but don’t have the money or time. When we saw his former preschool teacher the other day, she asked him what he was learning in school, he said “things I already know how to do,” and it seems obvious he could use some extra stimulation in school. Any tips?

Once again, this is great help. We all hate to think there’s anything “wrong” with the little monkey, but it’s obvious he’s unusual in some ways. Anyone have any possible suggestions on how to deal with his behavior in the meantime?

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bindera, from what you say, I think it is a good idea to consider that he may just be gifted and bored, and this can explain a lot of the behaviour you report. I spent my career writing material for gifted kids, but not as young as he is. I was a senior high school math, computing and physics teacher who then specialized in gifted, and taught them from senior high to as young as 9 years old. So the methods I use are probably not appropriate. I wrote all my own material (now used in America as well as here in Australia) in online format, because I couldn’t find what I needed.

A really good place to start is Hoagies:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

Good luck! I wish I could be more help, but he’s just too young for my direct experience.

Lynne

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Yes indeed- that’s why the pediatrician is the first on my list.

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The thing that jumps out at me is that he’s reading so well so young. A lot of parents get excited, thinking it means the kid is gifted, but hyperlexia is considered a warning sign of (or a type of) autism.

In NH the school system is responsible for providing services to special needs students age three and up, and I’m sure someone at the superintendant’s office could recommend area doctors to have your cousin evaluated.

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You say he interacts pretty well with adults, and a lot of Aspie kids do, one on one. Adults are more patient and know how to deal with awkward conversations, kids are more blunt. How does he do in group conversations, at the dinner table for example?

My son has Asperger’s and one of the most helpful therapies he’s ever had was speech. Not because he had any impediments, and he’s all over hyperlexia and showing off his big vocabulary, but to help him understand group conversational dynamics.

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This site for auditory processing disorders will help you recognize the issues. I myself have some similar issues with my own auditory processing and it is very frustrating to listen to somebody talk when there is a lot of background noise. My wife always wants to tell me something before she leaves our house while I am taking a shower, and the running water totally drowns out her voice. I get irritated when she assumes I heard what she said while the shower is running and I keep telling her over and over to either wait till I am done or tell me directly to my face and get my acknowledgment that I did indeed hear what she said.

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Lynne, I really hope that’s what it ends up being. Thanks for the link.

Elfkin477, that’s interesting, and the symptoms of hyperlexia fit him to a T, down to the selective hearing, if that’s what the deal is. Interestingly enough, he’s been super today, it’s like he has these really rough patches where he seems to fit everything that might point to a real problem, and then he has days like today where he’s a little ray of sunshine and seems pretty much normal.

Queen Tonya, he daydreams a lot. And interrupts with random thoughts. He doesn’t usually pay attention to the flow of the conversation unless it’s directed at him. Although sometimes he is listening and interjects with a question or comment. Our dinner discussions can be difficult to break into sometimes, so I wonder if that keeps him from talking more. He does well one-on-one with his sister (when they’re not fighting) and he tells us stories about conversations or exchanges he’s had with classmates during free time.

Honestly, he reminds me so much of myself. I have trouble interjecting in conversations to this day. I was and am a space cadet a lot of the time, off in my own world, and I’m not the best with people of my own age. I was a super-sensitive kid too, read early, was put in gifted. I want him to have a chance to be better than me, go further. Whatever he has, whatever his quirks and issues, I want him to be able to do whatever any other kid can do and not feel outcast. I’m sure you all can identify. At least he has an extremely supportive family, and I know that will take him far.

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Since you live in New Hampshire, if you can get to Mass General in Boston, I would really recommend it. It’s worth the drive to have the best people, and you will save a lot of time in the long run. (Of course if you get a good recommendation for someone near your home that would also be great.)