I would agree that it’s more like a bubble chart than a heirarchy. It’s more complicated than that, and although I’m a mom, I would not really say that the children always come before the spouse.
It’s all a balancing act; a loving and supportive partner will want me to pursue my dreams–but not at the cost of the relationship, and it’s always a compromise between everyone’s needs anyway. For example, my husband deliberately looked for a job in Silicon Valley after he graduated from college, so that I could go to library school in San Jose. He was supportive of my ambition; but that came at something of a cost to his dream of working at a particular company that was nowhere near San Jose. Which of us ‘won?’ Whose ambitions came first? Well, we have this give and take in our relationship, and we’re both happy with how things worked out. He got a good job, just not his ‘oh wow’ job–which would have come with certain costs we might not have liked.
Then there’s my friend whose husband worked at a job that required a lot of travel, so that he was not at home very much. They had two kids, and the kids weren’t doing well with all the leaving, and what with one thing and another, she had to tell her husband that his job was just too stressful on the whole family and things had to change. He got a different job, they moved, the family is happier and incidentally he’s gotten some great opportunities from it–but he might not have changed jobs if he were single.
It’s not fair for an SO to just demand a person to quit a hobby or an interest or ambition. But sometimes it’s not fair for a person to impose too many demands on others to support those dreams, too. It’s all about compromise and figuring out how everyone can be reasonably happy.
And about children: they have more immediate and pressing needs than adults, but ultimately it is best for parents to make sure that the adult relationship takes priority too. Children are black holes of attention and can demand all that you can give and then some, so it’s necessary to carve out some time for each other, since they don’t actually need all of it. After all, children grow up and go away, but your partner might still be there…
I’m utterly flabbergasted. I’ve always considered myself a pervert, and have witnessed sex acts on video that would shock and abhor most church-going folk. I’ve also had my share of experiences in the sack. But I don’t have the faintest idea what on earth you’re talking about and how it relates to Peter North (and yes, I know who he is and what he’s famous for).
pssst…
One of the recommended tricks for males with premature ejaculation issues is to withdraw and clasp the base of the penis with circled fingers, squeezing (not stroking!) firmly to quell the impending orgasm. When the “urgency” has dropped, resume coitus. Peter North and Ron Jeremy have a reputation with directors for being able to provide a “finishing shot” pretty much on cue. Ron has stated that if you give him a 10-count, he will give you a cum shot.
well, pinching the base makes it so the cum doesn’t come out. then you can keep on going…well, some guys can, at least.
it relates to peter north because of the countdown aspect that susie derkins introduced.
if you pinch the first burst and let the rest come out, the first burst that comes out is kinda impressive…for when she wants to watch it…yet you want to state a guerilla attack to still get it on her face…
I’m with the people who say it’s complicated. When I was doing my dissertation, that came first. When we had kids, they came first. When my wife is on a deadline, that comes first. And so on. It has worked for 28 years, though there are always going to be some times where you disagree on priorities.
BTW, Harriet, God comes dead last. Religion getting in the middle of a relationship just means problems. If both partners agree, fine, but if one considers the church more important than the other, that’s the sign of a big mess.
In a marriage, your spouse should come first. My husband is the most important thing in my life, hands down. (We don’t have kids.) Now, obviously, if one of us has a big project for work or school due on Monday, that takes precedence over the other’s desire for a romantic getaway that weekend. However, that doesn’t mean that school or work comes before the other person. It just means that one person’s need to get something done comes before the other person’s desire to do something else.
As another example, my husband plays lots of computer and role-playing games. He spends at least one night a week gaming and usually a number of hours during the week playing on-line or planning for a game. It’s not a hobby I share, but I’m glad he enjoys it. But I know that if I had just broken my ankle or one of my family members had died, he would drop the gaming for awhile to look out for me.
If we’re talking a more casual relationship, all bets are off and it’s up to the two individuals to work it out themselves.
If your significant other doesn’t come up pretty high on your list, then how significant are they to you, really?
Significance is in the eye of the beholder, and if they are being told they are a significant other, and yet are left not feeling very signigicant, they may raise issues, ya know? So you need to find someone who’s OK with your priorites. Of course it may be that, as Stephen Sondheim put it: