I guess it’s not a worthwhile question to ask whether this person has a drinking problem.
And I only probably will cease talking to him. He didn’t always drink this much.
I’m clearly being nosy by asking this sort of question in an online forum without mentioning his name or suggesting that I’m going to do something to prevent him from living his preferred lifestyle.
False; most of his friends think it is okay. His group of friends, over the past couple of years, has increasingly shifted towards those who binge drink and use large quantities of marajuana. One of them recently spent an hour trying to convince me to use marajuana.
I guess you don’t understand the idea that certain levels of drinking and certain patterns of drinking (called binge drinking) can constitute a severe psychological and medical problem that can have both short-term and long-term consequences.
Some standards are mostly arbitrary, like taste in music. Some are not totally arbitrary but contain a range of reasonable tastes, such as alcohol consumption. Some drink not at all. Some drink once daily. Some get a little hammered once in a while.
Some people drink so much that they wake up with blood on their hands not knowing how they got there. It’s not unreasonable to ask whether this constitutes a medical problem.
People who worry about whether their friends are harming themselves are not nosy, sorry. They’re called friends. If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t worry when one of his/her friends veers towards a self-destructive lifestyle, I have to wonder just what your image of friendship is.
I think SecondJudith well expressed my thoughts in post 9. And Shakes demonstrates that some people can certainly be productive, functioning heavy drinkers/alcoholics.
It sounds as tho you and the drinker are relatively young - perhaps in college or in your 20s. IMO, the biggest problem with drinking as heavily as your friend does when young, is that it sets up patterns in which you are more likely to drink heavily through later stages of your life,rather than enjoying drinking socially and in moderation. And the older you get and the more responsibilities you take on, the easier it is for heavy drinking to have unfavorable implications.
Bottomline, tho, IMO how he leads his life is his choice (and yes, I consider drinking to be a choice in nearly all cases). You can offer your opinions and assistance, but cannot change him. If his drinking really bothers you, that the one thing you CAN do is cease to associate with him.
Not that it makes me an expert or anything, but I was what I consider a heavy drinker for a couple of decades - far exceeding the amount you describe, and have been sober for 5 years. Never lost a job, no current debt, married 25 years,3 kids in college, no legal problems or health problems yet evident.
I had this long snarky post all typed out, but I decided to delete it. You are worried about your friend, and something I said upset you. I never actually meant for it to, so I am sorry for that. You asked if having seven drinks three times a week means someone has a drinking problem. My answer, along with several others, is maybe. I am sorry your friend has changed and you two are growing apart.I hope he doesn’t have a problem after all, and everything turns out alright.
I have a pet peeve about what I consider to be the over diagnoses of alcoholism in our country. I think it is silly and prudish, but I was wrong to take it out on you. Good luck with your friend.
Geeze, when did this start? I used to go hang out with Dopers at Flying Saucer near Dallas, and we did our fair share of liver-damaging. Do people still have Dopefests? I haven’t seen any posts about them, and I’m not in Dallas any longer.
Seconded. 7 beers was pretty much a warm-up when I was in college in the US.
I’ve had a really different experience. A sister who almost killed herself with liver damage that took THREE YEARS to get a diagnosis of alcoholism. IME, its HARD to actually get a diagnosis of alcoholism…we are too quick to write off “social drinking” and “self medicating.” Its possible that lay people diagnosis alcoholism far too quickly, but it was seven doctors and hospitalization and two trips through REHAB (!?!) before someone actually pinned it on my sister - and that was the doctor that did the liver biopsy.
But it is destroying a relationship - Bith has said that he’s close to ending this friendship over it. How many other friends does Drinker have to lose before it qualifies for “destroying relationships”?
Not all alcoholics are passed out in gutters, either - Bith could very well be describing a functioning alcoholic. I don’t know the stats on functioning alcoholics, but I suspect there are A LOT of them around.
My personal opinion on what is described here - this sounds like a young person who may or may not have a problem with alcohol yet, but he’s heading down a dangerous path. Saying that college students and people in the UK drink shitloads of alcohol is sort of beside the point, too - I recall people from the UK posting here about how they can’t get away from the drinking culture - everyone wants to get drunk, all the time, and there is massive peer pressure about it (the same for college cultures). I’m not a teetotaller or a prude about alcohol, but it’s just such a damned slippery slope - most people can have a few drinks once in a while and have a great time, then there are the ones who can’t, and you don’t know which category you’re in until it’s too late. I’ll tell you my perspective, as someone in their 40’s who stopped drinking about a decade ago - people who think they’re a lot of fun drunk are kidding themselves. Most drunks are assholes and no fun to be around unless you’re also drunk.
I don’t know. It seems like whenever drinking comes up, the booze-hating brigade chimes in. Maybe I’m just sensitive to it all considering my alcoholism and all.
Bingo. For a good twelve years after I turned 21, I was going out any partying hard at least two-three nights each week – even more in the summer (woohoo for the Jersey Shore in its heyday). But beginning in my mid-20’s, November was dry month, just to make sure things weren’t getting out of hand. As long as I wasn’t flipping out at the prospect of not being able to drink, I was fine with my behavior the rest of the year.
Now that I’m settled down, I’m about a six-pack-per-month drinker, and it’s not at all unusual for me to go six months without thinking about having a drink.
If it’s working great for you, then you’ve got your answer. But if I have to tell someone they’re acting like an arse more than once in a great while, that’s not working for me. Although telling people they are acting like jerks, and not accepting their drinking as an excuse, is something I can get behind.
Like others have said, he doesn’t have a drinking problem unless he couldn’t cut back. I wondered for awhile if my best friend had a drinking problem, as he’s out a good five or six nights a week having six or so cocktails. But I’ve also seen him take a break from the drinking when he isn’t in the mood and can definitely have fun without alcohol. If he is still making it to work and functioning there, hasn’t had any run ins with the law, and his spouse or other very close figure doesn’t have a problem with his drinking, he’s probably okay. You don’t have to drink with him if it makes you uncomfortable, though.
You can’t put a number on it. However, if your drinking is leading to one of the following:
-showing up late or missing work
-waking up next to people you would not normally want to sleep with
-blackouts
-drunk driving
-getting into fights (including fistfights)
-getting into legal trouble
-property damage (including your own)
-relationship or marital problems
…then yes, your drinking is starting to become a problem.
I like drinking as much as the next guy, but normally I like to set certain limits. I really hate when people start ordering up rounds of shots (especially when I specifically say I don’t want one). I’m not looking to show up three hours late for work tomorrow with a raging hangover.
Nah. I don’t think lots of drinks is a problem unless you’re bad at being drunk and it’s affecting your life in other, negative ways. And I don’t think it’s a huge red flag if you can’t bear to give it up. Lots of people self medicate with various substances.
Personal tolerance means a lot too. My parents liked to have drinks growing up. My dad can have two bottles of wine and hardly show it - I’ve never seen him intoxicated. I’ve seen my mom tipsy a hundred times from one glass of wine. Who has the ‘problem’?
IMO, the definition of ‘alcoholism’ is absolutely ridiculous these days. 40 years ago even the kids were having a few martinis before dinner, and now if you have more than 3 drinks in a row it’s diagnosable as a medical problem? WTF. And I say that as someone who hasn’t been drunk in years and rarely has more than one drink every few months.
Blackouts are considered to be the hallmark of the alcoholic. Regular people don’t generally have blackouts. If he’s drinking enough to have had blackouts, he has a problem with alcohol.
I had my first blackout the first time I got properly drunk, aged 16. Instant alcoholic? Moreover, pretty much everyone I know in the UK - I’m talking about dozens of people here - has had the odd night where they go “I don’t remember the taxi home” or “oh shit, did I do that???” Are we all alcoholics, problem drinkers, or are we just people who occasionally drink to excess?
