Lets say there is a person, and they mention to you they recently met a Nigerian prince through email who has offered them a business partnership that could net them millions and would like your opinion. You tell them this is a well known scam, and in fact show them cites proving it is a well known scam, you advise them not to fall for it.
They then ask you if you will just give them millions of dollars, or have another chance for them to get millions, you answer no. They ask you if you have gone to Nigeria and personally confirmed this person is a scammer, or ask you to perform another time consuming task for them, you decline in both cases. They then say well how do you know then?
Later on once they have been fleeced by the scammer they let you know not only were they scammed, but they blame YOU! Afterall you knew this was a scam and you let them go through with it by not physically stopping them, or taking outrageous or even illegal means to stop them. They blame you, hate you, and everyone they have talked to agrees if you knew this was a scam why didn’t you physically stop them from making the bad decision instead of just talk.:smack:
This same scenario plays out time and time again over years.
Same person, asks for advice which is never taken, I am then blamed. The Nigerian scam was just a hypothetical example, but many situations have been no less absurd. The fact that I knew better, but only offered advice instead of forcefully stopping them from making the wrong choice makes me culpable.
Happens over and over and over and over, if I wasn’t blood related I would not even talk to the person.
It’s a subset of psychological projection. It’s a way of making it possible to say to themselves that it’s not THEIR failure, it’s really YOUR failure.
Same one, in my experience. When I worked at the credit union we had this one crazy old lady who kept giving her account number to psychics. And then wondering why her account kept getting drained.
We tried reasoning with her, pleading with her to stop, even at one point threatening to close her account never to re-open it if she gave out her account number to a psychic again.
Every damn time her account got drained she’d be in the office crying and then swearing at us for not protecting her account. Once she even threatened to sic a lawyer on us.
Sometimes you just want to grab people and shake them.
If it’s an elderly person, it’s possible that they are in the early stages of dementia and not really thinking straight. That’s why so many elderly people end up being scammed in general.
If they’ve been like this their whole life, well, gullible and stupid pretty much covers it.
I’m wondering if Narcissistic Personality Disorder might be part of it - they don’t listen to you because they know better, then it’s your fault because they are never to blame.
Sorta peripheral, but I thought I’d contribute this: many scam artists/thieves are themselves scammed! The reasons for this are complex, but take one example (Mayor Curley of Boston). He was a crooked politician all his life, and became rich via graft payments, from businesses supplying the City of Boston. From what I read, his standard "take’ was about 5% off all city contracts. This money was paid in cash, funneled through bagmen, and kept in a safe, in the basement of his house. So far, no problem…the problem is when he spent it-he needed a way to “launder” this money, so he cold account for having it.
The solution (he thought) was to buy a defunct silver mine in Nevada. His money wold rebuild the mine, and he’d have a secure source of income (free of taint).
unfortunately (for him), he was scammed-the mine was worthless. This meant his subsequent political career was even more corrupt, as he had to steal more.
For such a seasoned crook, he was taken pretty easily-why?
You can absolutely stop speaking to someone who is acting abusively towards you, which is the dynamic you are describing, even if you are blood related. You don’t even have to stop speaking forever; establish boundaries and cut off contact for a day/week/month when they are violated. Simply refuse to accept being treated badly.
You have the ability to end this cycle, if you choose. If you choose not to, because that is easier, that’s ok too. But it IS a choice that you are making. You are allowing this to continue. She may always be an annoying nut, but she doesn’t have to draw you in. Stand up for yourself.
Reminds me of the time my former wife and I were in the car arguing. In the heat of it all she told me to stop the car. I protested, but she insisted. I stop, she gets out and I head on home (About a half mile.)
I enjoyed about a half hour of peace before my then wife made it home, madder than a rabbid dog: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET ME WALK HOME! HOW DARE YOU! IT’S 11 AT NIGHT! WHAT IF I GOT RAPED?”
Sigh… My name for it is pyscho.
I know someone who fell for the Nigerian scam… twice. First time they ask for bank information so they could deposit the money, she gave it to them, they cleaned her out. Second time, she was sure it wasn’t a scam because they acknowledged that there were Nigerian scams out there and weren’t asking for any personal information, they just needed her to deposit a cashier’s check and withdraw the funds, minus her commission, and send it to them. She was shocked that the cashier’s check bounced a couple days later. At least this person didn’t blame anyone else who warned her for it
Anyway, I don’t know if there’s a single term for it, but it’s basically just naive. Extremely naive. It’s combined with selfishness, which contributes to that by overriding their skepticism, and if they blame someone else some projection, but those other parts can easily exist separate to falling for the scam.