Picture if you will, a retired Army civilian, a good samartian with a lot of free time. He believes that a few Virginians have been unwilling agents in a vast conspiracy which could have larger implications for the general population. The only tools at his disposal is knoledge of the court system and a few suspicions.
However his enemies are UFOs and the government.
A man by the name of Larry W. Bryant is filing a lawsuit against Virginia governor James S. Gilmore III. According to him, Gilmore has ignored a public safety issue and legal obligation to “identify, assess and repel this clandestine invasion within Virginia.” Gilmore refuses to acknowledge this invasion. X-Files in Va.
what our friend wants the courts to order Gilmore to do is,
[ul]
[li]Convene a special state grand jury, under the Alexandria court’s jurisdiction, to investigate the scope, impact, perpetrators and methodology of “this clandestine invasion.”[/li]
[li]Appoint a state police task force to analyze and publish all available intelligence on the subject.[/li]
[li]Direct the Virginia National Guard to establish and operate a quick-reaction force to repel “these non-human/humanoid/alien entities yet to be apprehended and brought to justice.”[/li]
[li]Afford to invasion victims the same victims-rights counseling, comfort and protective measures as any other victim of criminal activity.[/li][/ul]
Does this case have merit?
How many days will it take for it to be thrown out?
How close does this man live to Phil Dennison?
One of my life goals is to become a judge so when some whacko brings a nonsensical suit like this into my court I can not only dismiss it but order him to pay the other side’s attorney’s fees.
The reason Bryant can’t find an attorney to take his case is probably twofold. First, any attorney would see this case as being a prime example of the sort of thing attorneys get sanctioned for. Second, even if an attorney was foolhardy enough to take this case, they would want to be paid on an hourly basis, and at what’s about average these days ($150 to $200 per hour), Mr’ Bryant would have to pony up a really good sized retainer before anyone would take it.
He’s doing it pro se? Shoot, he won’t get past the first round of motions.
Quote: Convene a special state grand jury, under the Alexandria court’s jurisdiction, to investigate the
scope, impact, perpetrators and methodology of “this clandestine invasion.”
Let me get this straight. He wants to sue to force the state to find the evidence of the thing that he assumes? What a putz.
Reminds me of an absolutely brilliant case out of the Western District of New York about 10 years ago. I’ll try to track it down but the case was *[forget name] v. Satan *.
In it, the plaintiff wanted monetary damages from Satan for Satan’s conduct, which caused the plaintiff misery, emotional distress, failures in business and social activities, etc. He also wanted the court to enjoin Satan and his minions for engaging in any more of the above-described conduct.
The judge dismissed the case on the grounds that Satan lived in Hell, not the Western District of New York, and therefore the court did not have personal jurisdiction over Satan.
Now, we Dopers know the court got it a bit wrong. Satan lives in North Carolina.
In a recent case in Canada, a man of questionable sanity sued the federal government, the Solicitor-General, the United Nations and the President of the United States and a few other notables on the grounds that he was a Martian, and was being subjected to a campaign of harassment and intimidation. He sought cash damages and a court order against the named defendants to cease their harassment.
The (admirably resourceful) judge dismissed the case on the grounds that if the man was indeed a Martian, then accepting his testimony in this regard would constitute de facto evidence that since he was a Martian he was not a human, and if he wasn’t a human he would no longer have any standing under the laws of Canada, and hence couldn’t sue anyone.
I heard the same thing on the radio this a.m., and I wondered about the jurisdiction- why’s he suing VA? I’d think that the Constitution’s mention of “provide for the common defense” would point at the feds as the proper target for this mis-suit.
I came across this case years ago–I believe it’s Mayo v. Satan. But I think you’ll find it’s out of Pennsylvania (either Middle or Eastern District), and it’s considerably more than 10 years old.
Seeing your text in boldprint really does help find where your proofreading skills need a little tune up.
To number one: No, but I have relatives over in the big D. Before I could remember, mi familia did live in Houston, whe I was a wee toddler. We promptly left in fear of the school system.
Anyway, far for me to tr to ascribe motives to our Army civilian (and I shouldn’t be trying to talk law), I have two hypothesis.
The lower the court you try the case in, the more likely you’ll find a judge sympathetic to your case and not toss it with last night’s chinese [dinner]. This could also explain why there are multiple versions of this case springing up nationwide.
The ability to keep this case in the system longer. County district court is a long ways away from the nine justices on 1st St NE 20024.
As a research aide, I’m thinking of signing up for his email list. It might prove as interesting as citizen AM radio or WND.
I wonder what the chances are that this fella will be used as a character witness in one of our cases.
