tee-hee!!! ain’t a gonna say nothing!!!
My parents were married over 20 years before I came on the scene in 1968 and for the longest time I could not get mum to tell me why. About a year before she died, she sort of let the cat out of the bag that there had been serious money and relationship problems between her and dad, and that they came really close to divorce, which made them decide that they wouldn’t have a child till they got things straightened out.
The other biggie which made me go “HUH?” was a cousin ‘supposedly’ dying of spinal meningitis. When I heard his symptoms, I knew IMMEDIATELY it was AIDS. And no one in the family save me and my folks knew he was gay. His family pretended that it wasn’t true and shoved women at him every chance they got.
There are some things we don’t talk about.
It’s very hush hush about my aunt’s mental illness for example, though I’ve known something was wrong for years. After I had my son some of that came out (more in warnings from my Dad never to leave him alone with her… just in case). She’s schizophrenic, depressed and possibly a few other things. From what I’ve found out, it’s mostly blamed on a boyfriend who thought it funny to spike her drink which put her into the hospital… when I became of age I got a LOT of talks about watching my drink.
Other things my Dad talks too much about. I know way more than I needed to about his love life for example, I usually stop him when he goes to far (not into details but just… you don’t want to know, y’know?).
And of course Mom’s side has Dad as a verboten topic ever since they divorced. It almost amuses me that my other uncle, who is divorced from my mom’s sister, is still invited to holiday dinner.
My family does have stuff they don’t like to talk about. For example, there’s my brother who died the day he was born, because he was premature and his lungs were underdeveloped. I was a toddler at the time, and so I didn’t know about it. For many years, my mom wore black every year on his birthday, and I think I was the only one of her surviving children to know why.
Also, I have a half-brother (from Dad’s side), same age as my full brother. My siblings and I met him, but he rarely keeps contact with anyone other than my dad. I know better than to mention him in front of Mom.
I never expected this in my own family, but my mind was blown when two major secrets came out during my parents’ divorce. One was that my father was married before my parents were married; apparently, he was cheating on his wife with my mom. I’m not sure how complicit my mom was in that. The other, I won’t share, but blew my mind even more.
It was also during my parents’ divorce, in college, that I realized I never really knew my parents, or what was going on during their marriage. I still don’t fully know or want to know the scope of the badness that happened; my mom had shielded us from a lot and I’m grateful for that. I definitely now have a very close relationship with my mom, but it is mostly based on our relationship as adults. It didn’t work out the same way with my dad, so we’re estranged I guess.
Since then I’ve found out a variety of family secrets, from generations back and more recently. Even in recent years and my own immediate family, disturbing things have happened that nobody discussed for years later and I never knew at the time.
Not that long ago I happened to ask my mother about how she’d met my father. Oh, she said, I met him when my father was engaged to his mother. Huh? See, my father’s father had died when he was only five or so, that’s fine, but my mother’s parents, well, they lived into their eighties, so… Turned out they had been divorced for a few years when my mother was in her teens, before remarrying.
First (and last) time I ever heard that divorce mentioned. I guess divorces were really shameful back then.
Oh, and it came out that my father’s grandmother was a stripper! Given that his mother was apparently one of the sternest, least fun, type of Methodists…Wow!
My family didn’t/doesn’t talk about my younger brother’s autism. My mom and I talk about it together, but not really with anyone else, and no one asks.
My cousin’s depression and subsequent use of Prozac caused murmurs and silence (especially when he openly talked about how much better he felt, how awesome therapy was for him, etc.)
My other cousin’s severe (to the point of frightening) depression and post-partum depression is definitely an off-limits topic, but gossiped about.
Pretty much if it has to do with mental health conditions that our awesome genetic pool gave us, it’s off topic.
I think that is a family thing though; as some other people have said, some people just don’t think talking about stuff you can’t change is pointless. Not so good for dealing with your issues though, IMO.
G’morning!
We’re a quiet family by most people’s standards, or so I’m told. We’re not into small talk but do tend to have interesting discussions on a wide variety of topics. I don’t think we have any secrets so there’s nothing I’m aware of that we purposely avoid discussing. We don’t care for evil/demonic topics, rude discourse, or other breaches of etiquette, but the aformentioned notwithstanding there’s nothing we consider taboo. - Jess.
When I was 17, I told my mom that I “wasn’t entirely straight”. Her reply was that I was only 17 and didn’t know what I was yet, in a tone that implied I wasn’t to say that again. I haven’t, though I’m now 23 and still bisexual.
We also have a “funny uncle” (or great uncle) in the family - he molested one of my cousins when she was a little girl. I didn’t know about it until I was about 20, and he was about to die. My parents were arguing about whether to attened the funeral or not (they went to support my grandmother).
My grandmother is a Holocaust denier. We don’t talk about it.