Dog Torture! Help! Ouch! from Leet the Wonder Dog


Naughty grampa Shodan is being completely unreasonable!

I was scratching and shaking my head, and Grampa took me to the Evil Veterinarian. She evilly poked in my ears and said I had an ear infection, and she gave Grampa Shodan some nasty itchy tickle medicine to squirt into my ears. I didn’t like the nasty itchy tickle medicine, but I learned to put up with having my ears squirted, especially since I got a yummy dog treat if I Sat nicely and didn’t shake my head and spray the immediate vicinity with droplets. So I put up with it.

Then my ears felt much better, and I stopped shaking my head, and everything was fine.

But Grampa Shodan took me back to the Evil Veterinarian! I tried to explain to him that I felt fine, and my ears were fine, and I didn’t need to go to the Evil Veterinarian. But did he listen? NOOOOO! He dragged me off the Evil Veterinarian Place of Bad Smells and Indignities! I hate the Bad Place - they’re mean to me!

And I was being Good Dog and everything. First they weighed me on the Scary Scale of Doom. Well, OK, I Sat nicely on the scale and the vet tech said I was a good weight, so obviously everything was fine and I was all better so I attempted to make a beeline for the door. But I was not allowed to wait in the car where it was safe - they dragged me into an examination room. I hate the examination room. That’s where Bad Things are done to dogs.

And I was being ever so brave and courageous, even when the Evil Vet went poking in my ears. And, just like I said, everything was fine with my ears. So clearly it was time to go home, so again I tried to make a break for it and get out of the Bad Place. But their cruelty was still not at an end! Further torture for innocent dogs!

The Evil Vet looked at my chart, and said I was due for “vaccines”. I didn’t know what that was, but nothing the Evil Vet says bodes well for dogs. I was [del]looking for my chance to bolt for the door[/del] waiting patiently, when the Evil Vet took a shiny thing and hurt my neck.

OOOOOWWWW!!! Then she took another shiny thing and hurt my neck again! OOOOOOWWWWW even more!!! Then, the crowning insult - she did it again!

Enough is enough - the instant she turned away, I cleverly hid behind Grampa Shodan’s leg, so no more owies could be inflicted on my innocent self. And it worked - she couldn’t find me to hurt my neck anymore, as long as I was careful to keep Grampa Shodan between me and the Evil Vet while Grampa was doing that thing with the piece of plastic that he does when we go to PetSmart and buy yummy dog food or treats.

Then at last my torment was over, and I could make for the exit at top speed. We made it to the car without further injections being inflicted on unsuspecting dogs, and the instant we got in, I had to jump into the back seat and hide under the blanket that Grampa puts down when we go to the dog park, which we did on Saturday. Then when we got home, I hid behind the bushes in the back yard so no one could inflict any more suffering on me. Right now, I am recovering.

Grampa told me that the savage torture of innocent dogs is at an end for another year, and I won’t need any more shots for a while. So eventually I will find it in my heart to forgive for his heartless betrayal of me into the hands of vicious medical personnel.

I don’t like the vet.


I assume forgiveness will ensue immediately upon either the next yummy snack or thrown ball?

Well, yes - I’m not a dog who holds grudges. One of the advantages of a short attention span is that I can live in the moment. Especially when that moment is one in which someone mentions “yummy snack”.


I read this in Dug’s voice.

“I do not like the Cone of Shame!”

Dear Leet,
Rest assured that the bad stuff at the vet’s office is only because grandpa want to have you with him for a really long time.

Leet, you may want to let grandpa know that there are now vaccines that can be given every three years instead of every year.

Psssst, Leet, this is Nathan! If you can, get to the computer at any time after 10:00PM tonight, and we can arrange for your escape. You have friends and are not alone. There’s a network of dogs like us to help…oh damn, got to run for now, Baker is coming.

The vet likes you. Otherwise, he/she could be making a lot more money taking care of humans, and the classes probably aren’t as hard if you’re only studying one species.

[offers MilkBone]

The antivax dog should be a great hit on the straight dope message board.

A giant-sized dog biscuit heavily coated with peanut butter may ease Leet’s sense of betrayal.

None of my dogs have seemed to mind the vet all that much, although they have had reason to doubt the vet’s sanity.

On one early visit, the vet and her assistant were attempting to make friends with our Texas-sized chocolate Lab, crouching on the floor and making extremely silly noises. The dog turned and looked at me with an unmistakable “what the hell is up with these weird women?” expression. I assured her that some humans are just nuts and she should go with the flow, especially if treats are offered.

Shodan is a 5vv33t owner!!


the sadistic saimese

Wait, since when can we not torture dogs? Yeah, it’s not as much fun as torturing cats, which was Salvador Dali’s hobby (“You tape walnuts to the bottoms of their feet…”), but good Lord, they are so stupid you simply have to.

Dear Leet,

I read your story, wonderfully written, if I may say; indeed, I was gripped by the tale of woe you presented. What next tragedy shall befall our poor, brave hero?! When at last your tribulations reached an end, I thought to share your tale with the felines in my house. They too, have had their run-ins with the Evil Vet.

Four of the felines were in attendance at the time of the reading. I am loathe to tell you, but your story was met with total and utter disdain.

Little Man merely yawned, rolled over, and refused to hear any more. Smudge, who is obviously a sadist, insisted on being petted while she heard of your incredible suffering. Shitty Kitty, probably the most empathetic of the bunch, quietly left the room. And Pretty Girl, well, she wants me to give you a message.

But I fear I must not, as you have suffered so much on this day. Yet she insists, and as she is old and cranky, (and knows where I sleep,) I feel I must pass on her message. Pretty Girl, A.K.A. “Psychokitty,” A.K.A. “The Evil One,” wishes for me to tell you; “Stop your whimpering, at least they didn’t shove a stick up your butt.”

She’s a salty old girl.

Hey there, Leet!

I totally feel your pain. I mean, actually feel it. I get ear infections all the time and my lady squirts the nasty itchy tickle medicine into my ears far too often. She says it’s best if I just sit still, but I just can’t seem to do it. Sometimes my guy has to hold me still so she can actually get it in my ears. One time I shook my head very hard. Some of the nasty itchy tickle medicine flew out of my ear and right into her mouth! She made the silliest face and some really mean noises. I thought maybe she would stop after that, but I got another ear infection and she had to do it again.

I actually love my vet-person! I love going to her place! As soon as we turn onto the street where she is, I can hardly sit still in the car. I try jumping out the closed window. That hurts. She is super nice and gives me treats. Sometimes she does the needle sticking thing, but not very often. She loves me and says nice things to me. She never makes mean noises.

Anyway, I hope you don’t get any more ear problems. They’re yucky!



Hi Leet,

I am another doggie named Scooby Doo. Let me tell you what Me_Billy did to me!

See I had a bit of diarrhea and he read, to cure it, a doggie should not BE FED ANYTHING for 24 hours! (And then get rice and chicken.)

Well he did just that! Not a scrap of food for 24 whole hours. I thought I was going to die! Oh the humanity! How could anyone do this to a starving doggie such as myself?

That is why I ate all that garbage out of the garbage can. So what if I get diarrhea? Don’t people know I am a starving doggie from Ethiopia and the reason I am fat is due to STARVATION!

He needs to feed me more! That will cure everything. And that vet doesn’t know a thing either - saying I am overweight and all! Geeezzzzz!