Dogma 2001 and Star Trek

In My Humble Opinion
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At this site:

you’ll find “Dogma 2001,” which identifies a number of problems and cliches of modern computer gaming. (It’s inspired by Lars von Trier’s Dogma95, but I think Dogma 2001 suits the current discussion better.)

What “Dogma” would you suggest for Star Trek? For starters, I’d list:

  1. Don’t reconfigure the warp coil. Let’s not make SF look like a dumping
    ground for unimaginative writers who can’t come up with real resolutions to the plots.

  2. Consistency in the Prime Directive. Sometimes the Enterprise crew (mostly on STNG) sits around wringing their hands about how they can’t break the Prime Directive, while at other times they break it in more trivial circumstances.

  3. Consistency of Technology. If you can use the transporter as a fountain of youth in an emergency, why isn’t it already a commonplace? Why is it never used as a fountain of youth again? Why do we get a movie that’s all about a desperate search for a fountain of youth if all they have to do is use the transporter?

  4. No more Love Boat plots. This was mostly a problem a few years ago, in one particular season of STNG in which every episode had two independent plots, neither of which was explored very deeply. A giant leech has sucked onto the Enterprise… and Deanna is pregnant! The Borg attack… and Wesley goes on his first date!

  5. No sappy group therapy. The worst line ST ever produced is, IMO, “Neelix, you’re not mad at him because he slaughtered your entire race. You’re really just mad at yourself.” What?!?!? No, he’s fricken mad because the guy killed off all his loved ones in a flaming inferno, you fricken moron!

  6. Thou shalt not multiply ridgy-foreheaded entities needlessly. In the last STNG movie, we had an alien henchman with a head like a conch. Yes, a conch. What’s next? A head shaped like a pretzel? Like the Golden Gate Bridge? Do you people look for inspiration in the pasta aisle of the supermarket? (“Hmmm… we did a spiral head in the last movie. How about these cartwheel-shaped thingies?”) These are Trek aliens, not Tick villains! I know plenty of ST fans who would be mighty happy if the races from “Journey to Babel” (or even just the Andorians) were introduced again. Why have we never, ever, seen any of these aliens again, even in the background? Were they wiped out by a particularly dirty telephone?

  7. No more trial episodes!

  8. More guts (politically.) TOS gave us the first interracial kiss on TV, and the pilot had a female first officer, despite a much more conservative political atmosphere, even among the viewers of the show. But in ST:NG we were promised, with much fanfare, gay characters which never arrived. And on ST:Voyager we get an Asian man who is a stereotypical wuss. When it came time to cast the characters, why did an Asian man have to play Harry Kim, and a white man play Tom Paris?

  9. More guts (philosophically.) Trek has far too many wasted opportunities. As was mentioned in the other ST thread, Voyager had a very good chance to explore the psychology of the Borg (ie, perhaps they’re addicted to the experience of having a group-consciousness, and must assimilate new minds to keep it fresh.) Similarly, Data was meant to be an excellent chance to explore the nature of emotions, but in the end, the lessons were all incoherent (ie, “I’m sad, because I should feel sad that my daughter’s dying, but I can’t feel sad at all, and that makes me sad.”) A distinction could have been drawn between hormonal and intellectual emotions (ie, the sensation of fear caused by adrenalin, as opposed to an unwillingness to risk dangers because of the desire to continue one’s own survival,) but instead we got a confused, on-again off-again approach to Data’s emotions which ultimately resulted in the use of the “emotion chip” for little more than comic relief.
    What would you add? (Actually, I had meant this thread to be about SF in general, but the recent discussion of the new ST show inspired me to make it about ST in particular.)

-Ben

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Trek Dogma…

  1. Stop with the Acme Exploding Keyboards[sub]TM[/sub].

  2. Develop some commonsense battle tactics (start shooting and DON’T STOP 'til the enemy’s dead!).

  3. Never, ever, EVER make assumptions about an alien species’ justice system. Just because YOU detest execution, that doesn’t mean the Dubyans aren’t all-too-jolly to toss someone in the death chamber.

  4. Stop crashing the friggin’ shuttles.

  5. Put some targetting sights on yer friggin’ guns.

  6. If the holodeck malfunctions and threatens the safety of the ship five times a week, SHUT THE DAMN THING DOWN!

General Sci-Fi dogma…

  1. See that guy sitting in the corner? The REALLY QUIET guy? The REALLY QUIET guy wearing the hellacool body armor and helmet?

Yeah. Him.

Stay on his good side.

  1. Don’t mosey up to a big, ugly, unpleasant-looking alien in a bar.

  2. If you’re on a world infested by nasty alien creatures, and you’re boarding your ship, and find a trace of goo on the landing ramp… don’t take off 'til you make a full security sweep of the vessel.

  3. Never, ever, EVER land on an alien world without some form of a heavily armored combat vehicle to back you up.

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I’d like to add a few which might just clarify ones already presented:

  1. NO innovative technological resolution to a plot, ever. The gang can never, ever resolve a problem by inventing something technically. They can resolve problems through innovative use of canon ST technology, but not by creating unheard-of technological solutions.

GOOD: “Let’s lure them into that nebula where shields don’t work and then transport their entire crew into deep space, where they will die a horrible death!”

BAD: “Let’s reroute the plasma inductors through the google-photon coils to create a stream of humpyon particules which will penetrate the shields we said just ten minutes ago were completely invincible!”

Exceptions can be made for stretching technical things when:

A) A GENUINELY DIFFERENT plot can be created, such as the cool TNG episode where they hit a really old ship that emerged from a time warp and the Enterprise exploded and they were all killed, and then it looped back again and again, and they were only saved from looping thru it forever when Data realized he had left a hint behind for himself as to the way out. Did you see that one? That was awesome.

B) COMEDY, like inventing “Tribbles.”

  1. The crew must make command decisions like a military crew, which is what they are, rather than Jesus Christ II And His Merry Band of Ultra-Passive Autistic Nitwits, which is the way Picard ran his ship.

The WORST moment in Star Trek history, absolutely beyond any shadow of a doubt, was in the TNG episode “I, Hugh” when the gang thought of a way to destroy the Borg with a computer virus - and then decided not to use it because they liked Hugh and it would be wrong to kill all the Borg. Give me a goddamned break! ANY amount of belief I had in the characters was gone right there. Even the simpering Dr. Crusher would have been screaming for blood if that opportunity presented itself. Hell, they logically should have been court-martialed and imprisoned for life.

  1. Consistency in holodeck technology. And transporters. This relates to #1 and I know it’s been said but it had to be said again.

  2. Logical combat. They use weapons less effective than muskets, for God’s sake. Why doesn’t the Enterprise have armored surface excursion vehicles?

This might sound like a whine because I want stuff to blow up more, but it’s a serious writing deficiency the ST series have; EVERY episode is either the Enterprise getting into trouble and coming up with a ludicrous solution, or Enterprise crew on a planet surface getting into trouble and coming up with a ludicrous solution. The basis for people getting into trouble on the surface is invariably that they went down with no backup, no real weapons, no nothing, and were quickly overpowered by the local aliens, constabulary, rebels, or what have you. Later, a stupid technical solution (see #1) presents itself.

It would be nice for a change to see a ST episode without such absurdly simple, retarded plots, and it would be MUCH harder for ST writers to get away with that crap if the “Enterprise” and crew actually behaved like the soldiers of a military superpower, which is what they are. Imagine the cool plots you could have if you came up with something better than “The alien Bordaxes have presented us with (made-up technical problem) and we are doomed! But wait! Wesley has come up with (made-up technical solution)! We are saved!”

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To be fair, that was way back when they didn’t know a lot about the Borg… that was in the days of “The Borg only assimilate new civilizations” stuff. THEN, after Wolf 359, the Borg became violent and malevolent… and then, after Voyager, the Borg became about as threatening as Peewee Herman.

Anyhoo…

Another addition to the Trek Dogma listing:

Never, ever, EVER reroute ANYTHING through the deflector dish.

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Question for Ben: Fountain of youth? I must have missed that one, or I’ve forgotten it.

I am reminded of something in one of Larry Niven’s books (World Out of Time?). A transporter that transports the user across a room and somehow acts to rejuvinate him/her.

Question for Spoofe: Exploding keyboards?

Question for Rickjay: WHAT!? You’re saying it’s BAD to reroute the plasma inductors through the google-photon coils? I don’t want to hear this! I ALWAYS do that when I’m in trouble!

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Well, of COURSE you should never re-route anything through the deflector dish! Everyone knows that. Re-routing through the google-photon coils OTOH, is a really cool move.

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“Fountain of youth” thing: there was at least one episode in ST:tNG where the crew contracted a disease that aged them all very rapidly. They were cured by rewiring the transporter with the deus ex socket wrench, which beamed them up, then beamed them back down, only rearranging their pattern to match what it was before they got the disease. I would think there would have been some memory loss from brain structure changing, but apparently they adjusted that parameter with a deus ex phillips screwdriver.

Mostly I always wanted the starboard power coupling to stop failing, blowing up, etc. It was ALWAYS the starboard power coupling. It got to the point where any damage report could have simply left it off, they should just assume it.

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  1. Never bring Geordi into bright light.

  2. Never get Data wet

  3. Never ever feed the Romulans after midnight.

  4. Never get into a space war in the Delta Quadrant, but only slightly less well known is this:

  5. Never go in against Species 8472 when death is on the line.

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You say your starboard power coupling is failing? No problem! Just reverse the polarity of the nutron flow!

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**

I’m pretty sure the I, Hugh episode came after the Best of Both Worlds. When Hugh met Picard for the first time he referred to him as Locutus. The Borg were already known as a violent malevolent force that constituted the greatest threat to the Federation at that time.

I’m sure the next Federation citizen who is assimiliated will feel good that the crew of the Enterprise followed their conscience and didn’t kill off the Borg. Luckily the Star Trek universe is so white washed that crewmembers do not have to make tough ethical decisions that might make them feel bad but prove to be the best decisions in the long run.

The only exception I can think of off the top of my head is an episode of DS9. Sisko and Garrak attempted to use deception to bring the Romulans into the war agains the Dominion. Sisko didn’t have the stomach for the murder of the Romulan official but he didn’t have the guts to report it either.

Marc

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Hazel…

Yeah. Every single time the ship takes damage, it’s always the computer consols in front of the crewmen that explode and wound bridge personnel. It’s led to the much-touted joke about the Federation being incapable of incorporating fuses into their machinery.

MGbison…

Whoops, you’re right. Best Of Both Worlds was set at the end of season 3 and the end of season 4 (it was a two-parter), and I, Borg was in season 5.

Sorry. But my original comments stand… they still regarded the Borg as a cold, utilitarian force of nature, rather than a malicious evil that should be destroyed.

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I hope you mean the start of season four… unless Star Trek had just set a new standard in drawing out the suspense…

Although, I once saw the first part of that episode on TV. What was on next week? Voyager. Never saw the second part…

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Yeah… sorry, Matt. The BEGINNING of Season 4…

Not that it matters. All TNG episodes were indistinguishable from each other, anyway… :smiley:

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Random ramblings:

There are to be no cross-breeds between humans and aliens. Reproduction doesn’t work that way.

If holograms are so tough (as demonstrated in some episodes of voyager), they should be used as soldiers (instead of, you know, mortal flesh and blood sentients).

The pattern buffer of a transporter can be used to hold someone in suspended animation for a long time (remeber that episode of TNG with Scotty). When someone is dying (poisoned, alien disease, injured), anyone present should realise that if you’ve got transporters, then time is not an issue.

Voyager should have used a cloaking device; it’s not as if the Romulans would find out. Oh, wait, cloaking devices are next to useless anyway. Just use the main deflector dish :rolleyes: to spray the area with, let’s say tachyon particles, and you can see cloaked vessels.

The federation (and all other races, really) should use widespread genetic enhancements for its citizens. There is little or no reason not to.

Virtually every Sci-fi setting can be made more interesting with the existence of 867 lb. rail-shotguns. Ten points for the first person to name the fictional model of gun I’m referring to.

The federation is too wimpy to have the full support of its member races. There should be many independent nations that believe in things like, say, capitalism.

All changeling characters should be required to change shape whenever it is convenient for them, not when the show’s budget allows.

Phasors are to have no “stun” setting.

Starfleet: A navy with no profanity. Riiiiiiiiight :smiley: .

There should be a plausible explanation why the various races prefer shipyards over big, giant, starship-making replicators.

The medical value of transporters and replicators whould be recognised by even the most inexperienced doctors.

The complete absence of human religions should be explained.

Cybernetics and bionics should be used more widely; not just for practicality, but for sheer coolnes factor, as well.

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Um, mass driver?

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Although, conversely, it would be an interesting sci-fi gimmick to have genetic splicing clinics for inter-species lovers who want to have a child (in my own sci-fi series I’m working on, I plan on showcasing this very thing… yay, me!).

To be fair, the holograms as depicted in Voyager were so tough because the Hirojin(sp?) programmed them to be. The Doctor was normally a wuss (a single, low-powered phaser shot would obliterate his matrix).

I trust that 867 lbs. is not the weight of the slug used in the weapon… that would either take up too much space for ammunition aboard a starship, or would be VERY dense. A better idea would be to have the slugs built with a magnetic containment field and a small supply of anti-matter…

Simple: Replicators draw a lot of power. BIT replicators draw a SHITLOAD of power. It’s just not cost effective to build 'em that huge.

Correction: The complete absence of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism should be explained. In the Federation, there’s still any number of mysticism religions and cults running around.

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Holograms and small robots should not be recognized as sentient beings the moment they open their mouths. Give them a restraining bolt and shove them out against the Borg, Dominion etc. At least this is one area where Star Wars got it right.

This is a great point, the six million latinum strip man.If the Feds don’t allow genetic manipulation of their citizens then why not have Cyborgs and Bionic beings. They would whip ass with those things.

One of my own. They rarely use EVA suits or even respirators. They have them on all Star Ships and do use them on special occasions but somehow prefer their crew members to go on board an alien vessel and choke their lungs out. No one ever is equiped with anything more than a tricorder and phaser, sort this out!

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How about no more:

We’ve lost power for life support! We’re going to die in…12 minutes and 32 seconds.

Uhhh…nope. Even if all oxygen production failed, you don’t just keel over dead the second it stops. You get tireder and tireder and you start to keel over, but people keel over at different times based on the efficiency of their respiratory system and their activity levels.

So Dr McCoy keels over after 2 minutes, Kirk lasts 4 minutes, and Spock lasts 8 minutes. And when oxygen is restored, some people are going to be permanently affected by anoxia, while others recover easily.

You don’t have your oxygen cut off, fall unconscious, then get up and start barking orders the second oxygen is restored. Oxygen supplies should be fail-safe, and not require power to operate. Sure, after several days without power then you’re screwed, but death in minutes? I don’t thinks so…

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The oxygen supply requires power, but apparently the artificial gravity doesn’t. At least, it never seems to fail, not even on derelict ships that have been drifting in space for months or years.

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See, when you get right down to it, a lot of ST technical issues are simply budgetary. It’s cheap to have your actors pretend to asphyxiate (they get plenty of practice in flailing about when the keyboards explode.) On the other hand, it’s damned expensive to simulate people drifting around the bridge in free fall.

The one time in Star Trek a gravity system did fail was in a movie; The Undiscovered Country, where the Klingon cruiser is damaged by a photon torpedo. They have a lot of money to play with in movies. TV shows have to be done on a stricter budget.