In other words, cats are assholes, which makes them cool for some reason
Are cats Republicans?
Is today opposite day?
You guessed the secret question of the day so early in this thread I wanna know who let the cat out of the bag!
Cats’ tails don’t clear the coffee table.
Cats don’t try to hump you, your family, or your friends.
Cats don’t find the toilet to be a good source of drinking water.
Cats don’t need daily walks.
If a cat likes you, you know it; there is nothing insincere about it.
… and best of all …
Cats can purr.
What planet are your cats from?
Well, Jim’s cat likes to knock everything off the end tables and night tables if we’re not paying enough attention to her.
Mine do.
It’s true; I have a cat, and my husband has a cat; there is absolutely no doubt whose cat is whose.
The preference for a dawg tells me more about it’s owner than I want to know.
Ducks and covers
Insincere? You think dogs are faking how much they love you?
Well that easily explains why you don’t get it. Cats suxxx
Dogs are hardwired to fawn over the pack leader. Cats have no such instinct - when they come and sit on you (after you’ve taken care of all their whims), it’s because they want to be with you.
Cats are lithe and agile and remarkably catlike.
Cats can ride sleds.
Okay, cats can’t do this. But it would cut into their busy sleep schedule and they wouldn’t have time for their pre-bedtime naps, so why should they want to?
Cats can get kids to rescue them from burning buildings. This may qualify as “tool use”.
I bet cats can as well, laughing at us because we can’t. You never hear of any cats killed in terrorist attacks, do you?
Cats can* make* dead ducks, if they work as a team… Sparrows, robins, chickadees and the odd seagull are just them practicing.
Cats are superior to dogs.
I have three of each and they all love each other. I call them collectivley- My Fur-tards.
For me, cats win for a very simple reason:
I do not find any cat of any size annoying.
I find small (usually yappy) dogs extremely annoying.
Plus, cats are better than dogs at mousing, thus protecting humanity against little dangers like the Plague.
Controversy over.
But dogs like working. So from their POV, they’re being smart to do so.
<minority of one pipes up>
I like 'em both.
Really.
No, they want to be with your lap.
Dogs are the Democrats of the animal world. They mean well but are oaf like and annoying…lovable losers. Nice doggie. 
Correct! Dogs are fun (have you ever rough housed or gone running with your cat?) but more than anything, dogs are just plain sweet. That is a far more attractive quality than the ability to purr.
Exactly! I’ve never understood this whole “It’s the cat’s apartment. I just pay the rent. Haha!” thing. I’m sorry, what is the appeal of having an asshole pet again?
A cat has the good grace to bury its own shit and clean itself
A cat does not need a babysitter if you want to go away for the night
A cat will not just be waiting for you when you get home, they will meet you half way down the street and walk you home
A cat doesn’t need to be walked on a cold, wet, dark night. In fact, the cat wants to stay home just as much as you do
A cat does not yap, bark, cause near fatal injuries to small children or anything else that will piss off your neighbours
If your cat escapes through the garden fence, they won’t need a policeman to bring them home
A cat is like living with a quiet flat mate. A dog is like living with a toddler
Let me say right up front that for the first 65 years of my life I had only dogs. then for some reason stray cats started moving in, and we now have only cats. My only comment is that while I’ve known a lot of idiot dogs, I’ve never known an idiot cat.
My neighbor has two pugs, which, as near as it is possible to tell, are only good for barking madly at anything or everything. Pugs - the most useless animal in creation!