Doing Cologuard again

It’s possible VOW is thinking of the FIT kit.

The hard plastic container is kind of a drag. It bumps up against your bum and can cause you to tense up. But it can be done!

When I returned the box to a UPS store, I tried to wait until there were minimal customers in the place. It’s embarrassing to stand there in a crowd holding a box clearly marked with the Cologuard symbol. I went in when there was only one man in front of me. But he had a long dragged-out conversation with the clerk about the cost of something or other, so a line started to form behind me. I found I could hold the box with my hands covering the “CG” letters on the box, but it still took a long time. I know, I shouldn’t be embarrassed by something like this, but I was. Finally handing off the box took 1.5 seconds. Done.

My UPS store has a big box just inside the door for boxes that already have a label on them. You just toss it in and leave. I’ve used it for Amazon returns.

I had colonoscopies at 50, 55 and earlier this year at 60. Prior to the most recent colonoscopy my insurance company started nagging the shit out of me (haha) about Colorguard. Like multiple emails and mailing me the test unsolicited.

I called my doctor and they said it was unnecessary since I was getting scoped. Imagine if I took the test and it came back positive before the colonoscopy! Someone actually called me and I told them to leave me alone because I was getting the other procedure. Next year I’ll see if it makes sense to take it on non-scope years.

Despite it not being nearly as good at the scope, it’s great for people who will never do an invasive procedure. Much better than nothing.

I confess, I only assumed the test I had was Cologuard. I didn’t know there was more than one kind.

I’ve had that particular test twice. Both times, I had to fasten a strip of tissue paper (reminded me of the paper seat covers in public restrooms) midway across the toilet seat. Once the “deposit” was made, I had three or four little plastic screws, and I had to select three or four separate sites in the “deposit.” After the screws had been inserted, they are immediately removed, and placed inside a special plastic bag, which is sealed and marked with the date and time of the collection.

Once that was done, the tiisue paper and "deposit were flushed.

I was fortunate, I did not have to use any parcel carrier to return my sample. I was able to take it directly to the lab and drop it off.

I’m glad I (A) didn’t have to hold a cup beneath my bottom and make a “direct deposit,” and (B) didn’t have to haul around a cup of poo.