I have never been to Portland, and have absolutely no firsthand knowledge of the city.
That said, like my hometown of Austin, Portland is growing rapidly and a lot of people living thre now wish outsiders would stop moving in.
On a regular basis, people in Austin write articles like the OP’s screed, in which they trash their own town in a futile attempt to get people to stop moving in.
I thought you meant Portland, Maine a place I will never visit again, but Portland, Oregon now that’s a very nice place full of good memories and nice ladies, but hey were all different they say.
especially in Portland, Oregon I heard a rumor that they are going to vote to legalize pot in Oregon this coming November.
That would cool you down, right?
I have not lived, or even been, in Portland.
Still, having lived in Hawaii, I can tell you there’s a 90% chance your statement is true purely judging by the suckiness of Hawaii.
I have a friend who lives in Hawaii and she loves it. Milk is $10/gallon though.
Of course there are, just like in any city with a food scene. There are also dives, food carts, pubs, etc. that make better food than full-on restaurants in some cities. I haven’t been a chain restaurant eater for 20 years or more, so the absence of crappy steak houses and places like Applebee’s doesn’t bother me in the least. I’m sure these places exist around here somewhere, but I’d rather spend more money and have a memorable meal than eat mediocre food prepared by people who don’t give a shit.
Nope, I really do hate this city. 
I plan to leave as soon as I can save a few grand. I think the person who said it has all the downsides of a major city and none of the culture described it perfectly. You get horrible traffic, too many people/noise, and a high cost of living and none of the good stuff like nightlife, being able to get around easily and job opportunities.
As for air conditioning, we have a window unit in the living room but my apartment’s management won’t allow me to install one in my room and we don’t have central so basically I’m screwed. 
I’m sure that our ideas of nightlife differ dramatically, but there are lots of film festivals, a jazz festival, Blues on the Waterfront, concerts, etc., year round in this city. If you can’t afford them, then that’s one thing, but they are there nonetheless. The pubs all seem to be jammed, particularly on the weekends.
I also don’t know what you mean by culture. Portland has a thriving art community and many galleries. There are artists here that are known worldwide. There are endless venues for music, everything from symphonies to one-man gigs, and several jazz clubs, concerts in the parks, at the zoo, etc. There’s also the Portland Art Museum which has rotating displays all through the year on loan from other museums.
Good luck finding somewhere else that suits you better. I’ve lived here, in Washington state, Alaska, Washington DC, Virginia, Southern California, Idaho and Massachusetts, and traveled a good number of the larger cities in this country. I’ve also lived overseas for many years. Portland compares favorably with most of them. From what you’ve said, I don’t think you’ll be happy anywhere.
Portland is the only city I have ever been to that I need never visit again. Hated it. Lousy downtown filled with well off twenty year old meth addict panhandlers.
You’d despise Olympia, then.
My personal experience with Portland is that it’s more “hip” than Seattle, but not as “cool”. Both are places that it’s fun to visit and spend a night or a weekend in, but at the end of the trip I’m happy that I live in the mid-sized place that’s just close enough to either of them that driving there doesn’t feel like a big ordeal.
You could move to Khartoum. Portland will seem like paradise after a day or two.
NO. I live in Asheville and its turning into the next Portland. Actually, it’s already Portland.
This especially is true:
Another thing: I live in Portland, Maine. If I go any farther away than Boston, I have to constantly explain to people I am not from Oregon.
Grew up in the area, left in the 90’s but still visit regularly. I actually think the OP has many valid gripes, if overly whiny in delivery. Portland is a wonderful city with many great qualities, but if you aren’t amenable to its many annoyances (per the OP) then it is much like being nibbled to death by the cuts of a thousand misplaced poorly-implemented good intentions. For example, yes, they really do indeed think that a person peeing in an open reservoir (that foliage, bugs, gees, ducks, and polluted rain fall into constantly), necessitates wasting millions of gallons of fresh water because…umm…“ick”?
Some added comments:
The girls/fashion. If you don’t like the body-mod tattoo tattered shlumpy vitamin-deficient look, then yes the rest of American cities will look like supermodels in comparison. Also, for as healthy/enviro/vegan as Portland lauds itself, every-frickin-body smokes here. It’s like visiting Italy.
The transit is indeed overhyped. Expensive and too compact, it serves the core district, but not the region. It is great as a test case to show that you can indeed build new transit into a complex old city plan (bridges and rivers and hills, oh my!), but it is a half-assed implementation that didn’t really solve anything.
The economy seems healthy and thriving, but really only from a subsistence/service perspective. Portland is still an industry/service/port city but not generating its own tech or culture to make it sustain the Wall Street, Saks 5th, Silcon Valley yuppie segment. IMO, this is a good thing and part of its charm, but good luck finding a high-salary career.
“Chinatown” is really just “A block or two of some bilingual signs”. Being a coast port city, it’s strange that Portland is so indistinct in its lack of ethnic city segments compared to San Fran, Seattle, Van BC. For good or bad, ethnicity is much more distributed and integrated, there is no losing yourself in the charms of another ethnic district like other cities can be. It’s all just…Portland.
It is so much better now than it was in the 70s/80s. Unimaginably better. We’re talking South Central LA, NY “Warriors come out to play!” level of decrepit decay shittiness. I’d trade today’s weed-baked petitioners at Whole Foods over bullet holes in my windows any day of the week.
Hey, come on, it has a Vegan Strip Club, how can you not like a town with a Vegan Strip Club?
(Never been to Portland other than to change planes, but if ever, well I know there’s an item on the checklist… I’ll be good and wear my Chucks instead of leather shoes.)
The Vorlon: Oh right… Cascadia volcanoes:eek: . Those suckers will mess you up.
You may have a point – However annoying they may be, and however much they may raise average rents, no hipster ever threatened to shoot or stab me.
Exactly!
This is why Congress held a special session to create an act that made Portland take down the sign at the entrance to the city that read: “Portland: The City That Is Perfectly Perfect to Every Person on the Planet.”
hey man, don’t give them any ideas; you might see a rash of ironic stabbings on the news.
Regarding Chinatown.
The area was considered really scary and to be avoided back when. People still talked about tong wars in the 50s. (But people were scared of a lot stuff in the Eisenhower era.) Going to Chinatown to eat dinner was not something that was done. Hence the suburban enclaves for Chinese (and similarly for many other groups).
It’s been cleaned up some and they’ve tried to make it more touristy, but it hasn’t been much of a thing for quite a long time.
Yup. The original Chinatown is still a bit sketchy. Not necessarily dangerous, but you see more homeless/destitute/drug users than tourists. The exception is the Lan Su Chinese garden, which is quite beautiful and worth a visit.
The dining scene long ago shifted to the “New” Chinatown along 82nd Ave in the east. But this is not a pedestrian-friendly street and is spread out over a few miles (and has its own problems like being a center for prostitution). So it’s not really a tourist draw either.
they need to boil their water.
But where else can you visit a restaurant called Hung Far Low?