I was in a play group, lots of mothers with young children.
One of the moms, Jennifer, I didn’t know hugely well, but I’d spent some time with her every week for months. She mentioned she was going to buy an ‘Exersaucer’ for her 6 month old son. I told her that I would let her borrow mine, since my son had outgrown it.
For those of you who don’t know, an Exersaucer is a device that holds the baby up in a standing position, but has a circular area around the baby with lots of toys. Most kids enjoy the feeling of standing supported, and play with the toys while mom cooks, etc. They are nice to have, but baby only really uses them for a few months, and they are freakin’ expensive!
So I let her borrow mine. She very graciously thanked me.
A few months later I was pregnant again. I told the women in my play group and they all congratulated me. I jokingly commented to Jennifer that I would need the Exersaucer back (she’d had it for about 6 months at this time).
She looked surprised and said, “Oh, I sold that at a garage sale a few weeks ago. I guess I should have asked you first.”
You guess you should have asked me??? It was MINE! And you profited by selling it?
Did you make it clear that this was only a loan when you originally loaned it to her? If so, her action was inexcusable. However, if you didn’t specifically say it was a loan, she may have just thought it was a generous gift on your part and that you didn’t want it back. Therefore when she was finished using it, she would have seen no problem with selling it.
I am playing the devil’s advocate here only because something sort of similar happened to me from the other end. When I was pregnant, a friend loaned me a lot of baby clothes, except I didn’t realize at the time that it was a loan and not a gift. She’s done having children, so I thought she was just unloading them on me rather than driving them down to Goodwill or whatever. She never said a word about “I’d like those back when you’re done”, or, “I’m happy to loan you these” or anything. Fast forward to six months later when she sends me an email asking if Whatsit Jr. has outgrown any of those clothes yet and if so, can she please have them back?
Luckily I hadn’t sold or given any of them away, although it was a near thing! Some of my friends are pregnant and I had considered giving Whatsit’s outgrown clothes to them. I had no concept that this person was going to want those clothes back. I thought it was a gift, not a loan.
So I’m just wondering if there’s a chance that a similar misunderstanding happened here, is all.
That’s true, MsWhatsit, but then, if autz asked for it back, and then the misunderstanding was that Jennifer had sold it, the only right thing to do would have been for Jennifer to offer to buy another one.
Well, true. In autz’s friend’s situation, I would have offered to buy a new exersaucer, or at least reimburse her for the cost. Autz, the only thing I can think of that you should have done that you didn’t was actually come out and ask her to replace the exersaucer for you. (Those things ARE freaking expensive.) Not necessarily in an aggressive way, just maybe sort of a bland, “Oh, well, here’s my contact info. Let me know when is a good time for you to bring over the replacement.”
I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I’d given away my friend’s baby clothes. I’m not really sure why she wanted them back, as she isn’t planning on having more kids. I suppose the honorable thing to do would be to offer to replace them or reimburse her, but we’re talking about a couple hundred bucks’ worth of clothing, conservatively, and I don’t have that kind of money. (Which is why Whatsit Jr. wears so many hand-me-downs in the first place.)
I’ve also had the experience of loaning things that it was immediately clear people thought had become their personal property. Some folks – intending never to return a book or video – get a little huffy if you alert them that its return is expected.
I’d be jumping up and down about this except for an experience with a close friend of mine. Do you want to hear the good part or the bad part, first?
A very smart fellow. Thrifty. Well read. Spent – and enjoyed his time – helping juvenile problems in the local lockup. Tutors children, sometimes for nothing, if they can’t afford it.
Same guy: phones me from jail one night. Has switched the price tag on a piece of software he didn’t need. Never repaid the rent money I forwarded him one month. Asked to have something he gave me back again, to “give to a needy child”.
I realized the man just does not have the same sense of property that I do. A true communist, I speculate?
Sure you can. Go to ebay, check out their auctions, get yourself another one, cheaper than you could buy it new and send the woman a bill! I’m quite serious about billing her for the replacement. Even if it was a misunderstanding, once it’s realized that she sold something that didn’t belong to her, she has a (moral, at least) obligation to replace it.
I’ve had people lend things out that I lent to them in the first place. But never something like that.
I would suggest getting in touch with her and letting her know, in NO uncertain terms that you expect her to replace it. If she gets upset, remind her that it was never her’s to begin with, and that technically, what she did was in a way, stealing.
I get the feeling that Jennifer is the type who isn’t going to pay it, though, so maybe that’s why autz (and probably I) wouldn’t even bother.
At the particular time when she had sold it, I would have told her right then and there that she either better get another one or give me the money. But if I didn’t, (like autz), I would just chalk it up as a lesson.
