Why not? Do you wear tight jeans, a leather jacket, short skirts or something to attract men? The dudes has earned his right to wear that uniform, so he can. If it works for him, more power to him.
For any squids out there, what’s the Straight Dope on Fleet Weeks? We have the one here in NYC, and all the squids are walking around in uniform. Granted, this isn’t a formal survey, so maybe some, or even most, are in civvies, but a sizable number are out on the town in uniform. This ex-zoomie, when going out on the town off-duty, much preferred his civvies over any uniform.
Well, in my case it would have taken the attention away from me (as groom) and my ushers. And it was my day, so what I say goes/went. My brother didn’t attend in his surgical scrubs
Plus - in my personal opinion - a soldier’s role is nothing special. We don’t expect the same of doctors, dentists, lawyers etc, so why single out soldiers to wear a costume out of work?
It’s on a par with retired servicemen using their rank instead of “mister”… you may be Colonel Blimp (rtd), (or indeed Dr Smith, or Lord Williams or Prof Einstein) but that’s ONLY approriate when you are acting in your professional capacity.
Anywhere else, you’re plain “mister”, etiquette can get f*cked 
Well, forgive me, but I think I’ll be taking my clues on propriety from somebody else.
really? you do stuff just 'cos “it’s the done thing”?
even if (as in this case) it’s extremely naff?
etiquette and manners are two different things… you maybe have confused them?
the question remains… why single out soldiers? if a judge wore his robes to a wedding it would be daft, likewise a soldier who wears his dress uniform to a social (non-military) event.
To me there is a distinct difference between most of the examples offered and a soldier (or any member of the military). A judge wears a robe while doing his job, ditto a postman, etc. A doctor doesn’t have a uniform per se, he has working clothes. However, a soldier is, in a sense, always on duty. He is a servant and defender of the sovereign (in the case of the US, the People). Why would the People not want to see their servant and defender properly dressed?
I see where you’re going with this, but I don’t think the two are exactly interchangeable. Somehow, dressing to show off one’s physical attributes seems a bit different than advertising your occupation. As far as the dude having "earned " his right to wear the uniform, without meaning any offense to our service men and women , I respectfully say, so what? It is his chosen profession, so I guess yes, he’s “earned the right to wear the uniform”, in that he signed up for a job, and this is what people in that profession wear.
I certainly don’t think he’s (the serviceman in the OP) a dick, or a phony or even a jerk. I’m just saying I can understand why Misnomer saw him a bit of an attention seeker (though I don’t feel nearly as strongly about it as she does.)
As for wearing a dress uniform to a wedding, or any other event when the attention should be focused on a particular person, I guess it should be up to the guest of honor. *Ordering * another adult to do anything, unless you are their employer is pretty bad behavior. On the other hand, stealing someone’s thunder on their special day is pretty tacky also. So I think it’s a case by case thing where the groom or whoever might *respectfully * make their feelings known and a considerate guest would willingly comply.
Why a lot of things that don’t matter? Like I said: it’s tradition, it doesn’t hurt anybody. Why care?
I agree with the OP in that I find that behavior very tacky. Same as the cops that would come through the Wendy’s I worked at as a teen and would expect free food.
Yes, a man in uniform can look quite good and it may make me want to ravage him in countless ways (rather like a guy I knew who would stay with me when he came to town for police training classes…) but it’s still tacky (IMO) to go out to the bar in uniform.
I do try to stick to proper behavior (not necessarily ‘the done thing’ whatever that means). You and I differ on whether or not a soldier wearing his uniform in public is naff.
I don’t believe manners and etiquette are two different things. The two terms can be used interchangably, both meaning the norms of social behavior within a particular culture. What two definitions do you use?
Most etiquette rules do have reasoning behind them. In the US, a military career has always meant more than ‘just a job.’ A soldier, sailor, airman, or marine is always a soldier, sailor, airman, or marine, even when he or she isn’t actually on duty. This is why a military uniform has always been considered proper socially. And it is why military people may properly use their rank socially. This is also why ‘Dr.’ has only traditionally been used socially for medical doctors – a medical doctor is always a doctor, while a Ph.D is (traditionally) a professional title only. This last is changing (etiquette does evolve), I believe. More and more Ph.Ds are choosing to use their titles socially and it is becoming more acceptable.
Anyway. You certainly don’t have to like any of this, nor do you have to follow any rules of etiquette you don’t choose to. The behavior you’ve displayed in this thread – saying ‘etiquette can get f*cked’; calling people ‘pricks’ because they choose to wear their uniforms in public (properly); bossing your brother-in-law around under the assumption that ‘it was my day, so what I say goes/went’ – has certainly convinced me that neither etiquette nor manners are particularly important to you.
Personally, I would never have worn my dress uniform to a formal event. I always had at least one suit that looked I looked much, much better in than the dress uniform.
e-logic, if I had been invited and you told me not to where dress, I would graciously say “OK” (as I would not have worn it anyway), but if I heard that it was because of a fear of being upstaged, I would have thought, “What an insecure little git.” Most likely, the invite would have come from the bride’s side, because no man that I know well enough to be invited to his wedding is that insecure.
Lastly, during my short tour, I met many, many airmen whose only dress clothes were their dress uniform. They would wear it to the few formal occassions they were invited to simply due to lack of another option, and lack of desire to shop for / own a suit.
etiquette certainly isn’t important… most of it’s a relic from previous social systems and is irrelevant in modern life
manners are different - it’s polite to call a medical doctor “mister” (rather than “oi, you”), but it’s etiquette to always use Dr.
I would reject the etiquette, but embrace politeness.
I can’t see how a orthopaedic surgeon is “always on the job”, any more than a soldier is… are troops in the USA under a legal obligation to act in a certain way (preventing crime, rescuing small children from danger, stepping in front of an assassins bullet) even when they’re off duty and out of uniform?
Doctors here have a duty of care and are expected to assist in emergencies, but it’d be downright rude to ask a doctor to examine your bunions during a dinner party.
Do soldiers have responsibilities when not on active duty that the rest of the public do not?
Sort of. Soldiers are governed by the Uniform Code of Military Justice not civilian law (there are some legal complications here, they are still subject to civilian law, but the military holds the first right to try, convict, and punish them, unless the military cedes this right to the civilian body in question). They are so governed for the entire time of their enlistment (including nights, weekends, and holidays). IIRC, they are not guaranteed all of the same Constitutional rights as civilians (specifically, I’m pretty sure freedom of speech is severely restricted). So in that sense, they are always on duty. They are also always “on call” and subject to have liberty cancelled at any time and for any reason.
Sorry that I’m at work and can’t provide cites for the above. Most of it is memory based on a couple of years of active service. I eagerly await confirmation/correction from some of more knowledgeable posters.
I also disagree about your “politeness” vs. “etiquette” false conundrum. It’s polite to address a doctor however he/she requests you address them. For most of them, that means using Dr. XXXXX on social as well as professional occassions.
I see where Misnomer is coming from. If I, like her, had a deep, abiding respect for the military, whose role is to proudly serve their country, I’d be ticked to see someone using that as a means to pick up.
Well, I can only say that I disagree most fervently.
That’s the problem. If you don’t follow etiquette (the established norms of politeness) then how do people know you don’t mean to be rude? You don’t consider it rude to call a medical doctor “Mr.” The doctor himself, not being able to read your mind, may very well take it as a slight. If you don’t mean to be insulting, then follow the social convention of addressing him properly.
Speaking of etiquette – you planned a wedding fairly recently it seems. Did you expect your guests to RSVP your invitation? Did you expect them to turn up on time, bringing only the people who were invited? That’s all etiquette, you know. I hope for your sake that your guests had more respect for etiquette than you do.
No… that’s just being polite (manners).
Etiquette means…
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a written RSVP in the third person, where we were happy with an email or phone call (in the first person)
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having the speeches in a set order, where we had them after starters and before the main course
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seating people according to social rank / hierarchy, where we were happy for people to sit where they chose
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drinking wine with the meal, where we were happy for people to get a pint from the bar
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dressing in a suit and tie (for gents), where we were happy for people to wear what they felt comfortable in
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inviting people you don’t really like simply because they are family, where we invited our loved ones and no-one we didn’t want to be there.
There’s a world of difference between treating people with respect, and following the social diktats of etiquette purely because “it’s the done thing”.
Putting a skin-head, knuckle-dragging squaddie into a suit doesn’t turn him from a violent thug into an honorable defender of truth, justice and the (insert nationality) way.
You all seem to have a very romanticised view of the military 
You may notice I said ‘if’. I have no particular opinion of the army one way or the other, therefore, I’m not offended. If I did, I would be.
Heh. I did proudly serve my country for four years, and if Misnomer is “proud” of the military because she sees ordinary soldiers as somehow being above using any trick in the book to get women including wearing a uniform (And again, she had no way of knowing if this was the case), then I’m afraid her pride is misplaced. Soldiers aren’t high and mighty, nor do most of them pretend to be. It’s no tackier than any other trick in the book, and, in fact, it’s not tacky at all. It’s not like the soldier is manipulating anyone. It’s not like the uniform is this awe-inspiring garb to wear only to solemn occasions.
I’ll also repeat what I said before: There’s nothing wrong with using the military to get what you want, as long as it’s not illegal or immoral. Believe me, the military’s gonna use you.
And even if someone does think it’s tacky, well OK, I can agree to disagree with that. All I ask is that he or she doesn’t insult the guy and rag on him just because the guy doesn’t measure up to her unrealistic arbitrary standards.
Personally, I’m starting to think that Misnomer is the attention whore, and she was pissed off because her friends decided to pay attention to someone else, and that she’s using the uniform as an excuse, but meh, that’s just me.
Well, there are few things that bug me more than people attempting to psychoanalyze someone based on a couple of paragraphs posted on a message board, but that’s just me.