Door: 1 C_e: 0

[clayton_e]

Not nearly pitworthy, but if not the most embarassing thing that’s happened to me in a long time this would have to be the dumbest.

Early this morning I couldn’t sleep so I decided to go out for a walk. Around 3:30 or so I head out and walk several blocks and back. It was nice and cool, a really refreshing walk.

Then I get home. I’ve locked myself out. F*CK!

Ok, no problem. The plexiglass in the door had been pushed in long before by someone who had either forgotten their keys or was trying to break in, breaking the caulk about halfway up and along the bottom half of the plexiglass. I had noticed this last week and realized anyone could reach in and unlock the deadbolt.
So a few days ago I screwed a board across the back of the door and another going across the bottom corner, blocking any attempt to reach in.

Well, I look at the windows, all locked. Back to the door…

Hm… maybe… just maybe… There still is some give and after much grunting and a couple scrapes on my hand I can just barely touch the little knob on the lock.

Just a little bit further… a little bit… ow ow… a little bit further…

Oh crap.

The plexiglass gave a little and allowed the meat of my hand below my thumb to slip in. OWWWW!!! Plexiglass pinching my wrist, right across the veins.

Ok… I’ll just unlock the door and reach around with something to wedge it, as all atempts to wedge anything in from my side weren’t working.

Crap. Still can’t quite unlock the door.

Double crap. I’m losing feeling and mobility in my hand.

It is about 4:30 in the morning… Don’t quite know what to do… Ok, I’ll try and turn it that way… ok… that made it worse.

uh… “Help?!”

Anybody?

/me turns wrist the wrong way.

*#@&*#(@*$ OW!!! ANYBODY?!

I live on a street that has a lot of college students. There’s always something going on somewhere down the street, you just ignore it usually. Guess that is what happened, because about half an hour later finally a guy comes jogging down the street. I’m in the only non-extremely painful position I can find… Half balanced up against the door on one foot with my other hand in the door too (not stuck) to give a little relief of pressure on my other wrist.

I yelled for him to call somebody… I could see from the light inside that the tips of my fingers were a light shade of purple. He said he already had.

He grabbed a metal bar he found near the bottom of the steps and tried to pry the plexiglass away, but due to the wood I’d put on both the bottom and halfway up the door it wasn’t giving at all.

The cops show up a few moments later.

Me: “Quick, Quick!!! Get over here!”

Cop: “PUT DOWN THE BAR SIR!!! BOTH OF YOU, GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR!”

Me: “I CAN’T! I’m friggin’ stuck!”

A few seconds later they’re at the place, thinking they’ve caught the dumbest burgler in the world. I explain that I live here and ask if they wouldn’t mind giving me a hand.

They push on the plastic (OW!) try and wedge something in there, didn’t work again… Finally he grabs a mag light and with all his weight pushes against the plastic near my wrist. I work my hand out a little… scraping off bits of me.

um… can you push just a little harder?

shove

OW OW OW OW OW!!! (hand pops out) THANK YOU!!!

After a look over in an ambulance and answering a few questions and showing some ID they say goodbye and leave, they recommend that I break a window (I don’t know why they didn’t stick around, but I was half insane from the last half hour and no sleep).

After a bit I can move my hand a little more and grab the bar and smash in my bedroom window.

I’m fine, just a painful wrist and lots of scrapes and little cuts, but nothing major, I can type pretty much fine.

I’m just embarassed as hell. :o

Well that was M&P.

[Doctor_Jackson]

Wow! Mine’s not quite as bad, but I’ll share. I was living with my parents shortly before I proposed to my wife-to-be. I had decided to go ahead and buy the engagement ring one beautiful, hot spring day and pop the question that night. I bebopped happily out of the house and reached for my car keys - uh oh. No keys in that pocket, nor that one, not in the car - Crap! I had left my keys in the house. A quick check of the door proved it to be locked tight, as was the front door and the basement door. My parents were out of town and no one else had a key. OK, think. I KNOW! My dad had just set up a citizen’s band base station inside the house attached to a 30’ outside antenna. He had not yet gotten around to drilling a hole in the wall for the coax. For the time being he had simply run the wire out a ground floor window. That meant the window would not close enough to lock. He had wedged a stick in the window to keep it from being opened from the outside. I reasoned that I could push up on the top of the window to release some pressure on the stick and tap on the bottom part of the window to dislodge it. Great plan, let’s do it! As I lifted on the top pane and tapped with my palm on the bottom pane I could see the stick shifting. It’s working, but too slowly - it’s getting late and the jewelery store will be closing soon. I tapped a little harder and was rewarded with more movement. A little harder and we’re almost there. One more time and OW! The glass broke and the heel of my hand was inside the house. I quickly moved the stick, gently removed my bloody hand, and gained entry to the house. I grabbed my keys and stopped by the restroom to quickly clean up my hand. The 2" cut on my wrist just below the heel of my hand was not serious but it was bleeding pretty good. A quick look at my watch showed I had just minutes until closing time. I grabbed a clean towel, wrapped it around my wrist, jumped in my unair conditioned car, sped to the jewelery store and ran inside just in time. Just as they were preparing to close. Disheveled. Sweaty. With a bloody towel around my wrist. The clerk looked at me and suddenly appeared a bit uneasy. I asked to see a particular engagement ring I had looked at before. The clerk slowly obliged, a visible shake in his hand as he reached for the ring. He placed it on the counter, somewhat reluctant to let go completely. No matter. I had looked at the ring before and decided it was the one. I asked “Will you take a check”? His whole expression changed from apprehension to pleasure. “Certainly, Sir. And I sincerely hope she answers yes!”

I’ll bet he did, too. I’m sure he thought that if I had slashed my wrist just thinking about proposing, there would be no telling what would happen if she demurred!