Not to derail the thread, but good luck with that 
I know how hard it is to wait!
Heh, my first piece of advice has been. “They aren’t as fragile as you think they are.”
It took a while for me to really fall in love with my son. I had an easy delivery and recovery, so I can’t really blame it on that. No colic either. And he was very much planned and wanted. Nevertheless, it took me some time to really want to hang around with him and enjoy his company.
[ul]
[li]Immediately after his birth: Huh, there he is. OK, can I have a sandwich and a nap now?[/li][li]A few days later: OK, he’s pretty cool. Can I have a nap now?[/li][li]A few weeks later: Why won’t you sleep!!! Here, somebody else hold him.[/li][li]A couple of months later: OK, he’s pretty cool. Kind of interesting. Oh, hey, that was cute![/li][li]Several months after that: You know, I think I really love this little guy. Hmmm…[/li][li]Now (at almost 2 years old): OMG. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! He’s so smart, so funny, so cute. I just want to squeeze him and eat him up!!![/li][/ul]
Nowadays we have the best time playing, and chatting, and going to the park, and reading books, and snuggling. I adore him.
It was very gradual with the first one, and took a long time. It was an awful pregnancy, an awful post-partum depression, and I never wanted a kid to begin with. I was petrified to be left alone with her. It gets a heck of a lot easier as they develop personalities.
I got to this thread through your “Strangers Invading my Lady Garden” thread b/c I needed to see how it all turned out. I’m really happy for you!!
As for the OP, with my first, I did. She took her own sweet time coming out and tried to do so sideways (stubborn girl) and I was exhausted and overwhelmed with love from the moment she looked up at me. I, too, wanted to seriously upbraid anyone who even had the potential to harm her. I remember sobbing in my room that first night after the nurse took her for some tests or something. My husband woke up and asked me what was wrong and I said something about how at first I couldn’t see the nurse’s badge and I had asked her to show it to me before she took the baby anywhere. He was very confused and said, “But she showed it to you, right? She’s a nurse who actually works here, not a kidnapper?” and I said, “Yes…but what if it had turned out differently and she was a deranged baby-stealer??!”
With my second, I was so concerned prior to his birth that I wouldn’t love him as much as my daughter, and I spent the first few days having this weirdly detached feeling as I examined and re-examined my feelings. “Do I love him? Do I love him enough? More than my girl? Less?” He had latching and nursing issues and was also colicky. While it sucked at first, one strategy was to wear him almost non-stop. While this was wearing and exhausting, I think it also helped us bond. We were in it together, you know?
There’s no wrong way to love your kid (well, within reason. You know what I mean).
Thanks! We’re still trying to come to terms with the whole “it’s worked” thing ourselves, but slowly getting there.
I’ve really been enjoying all these stories as well. It’s been making me think a lot more about the reality of having a baby - you know, the one that’s not all instantaneous rushes of love and puppies. I can hope for that, but if that doesn’t happen, it’ll all work out in it’s own way.
Yup. It will. And definitely not all love and puppies.
Yes, definitely loved them immediately, and sang this song to them many times:
I loved, loved, LOVED my first while he was in utero. I talked to him all the time, sang songs, gave him wise, motherly advice… I really felt like I KNEW him.
And then he was born. And he wasn’t the same guy I’d been talking to for months and months. He cried, he didn’t laugh at my jokes, he pooped, and he never was the least bit appreciative of all the work I did for him. I didn’t have a clue who this guy even was.
But I find myself loving him more all the time. Now that he’s two-and-a-half, he’s my little buddy and we can do so much more together. I find that, not only do I love him, but I appreciate the little person that he is.
Now that Kid #2 is almost here, I’m not putting so much pressure on myself because I know that the beginning is VERY hard, and the good stuff comes gradually.
Father of two daughters here.
I felt nothing before their births. For both of them it was unconditional love at first sight.
Father of three.
About 3 minutes after each of them was born I couldn’t emotionally recall them not being part of my life. Intellectually I could recall, but it seemed to me that that part of my life happened to someone else.
So yeah, I’d say it was about as instantaneous as it gets.
Congrats to all the expectant Dopers (Neeps, I can’t believe it is 20 weeks already…time flies!).
Irishbaby will be 4months old on Monday. She’s beautiful and a placid, content, happy and laid-back baby. As I type this she is asleep beside me after her night-time feed.
We had a scary few days right the start when there was a real possibilty that we were dealing with an ectopic pregnancy. I don’t know if I loved irishbaby, but I knew I really, really wanted everything to be OK and was more scared at the idea there was something wrong with the baby than that my life was potentially in danger…actually, now I write that, I think it is pretty clear that I loved irishbaby at that point!
I had an elective c-section, and I got such an overwhelming sense of joy and love when they lifted her out and put her on my chest that I burst into tears. It still feels surreal to be someone’s mummy, but the feeling of love is definitely real and visceral. For me not having a labour didn’t affect the bonding process at all- once she was in my arms she was mine and that was it.
The way Irishfella tells it, he was still in shock from seeing her half in and half out of my abdomen that he couldn’t focus on the fact that he was a dad, and that the gross, slimy thing was his daughter. For him the love kicked in when he was holding her in the recovery area, waiting for me to get sewn up and come out of theatre.
Breastfeeding- hurt more than the c-section and no, I’m not kidding. For me, once the initial painful few days were over though, it became a really lovely bonding experience and so we’re still doing it!
From the moment I knew they were coming (3 of them), when the stick turned blue I loved them. By the time they were bron they already had a 9-month love.fest
Yes, right away.