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Captain Gutgore Blooddrink - 1406-1432 Born to Irschelle and Phabius Bloodrink off the coast of Madagascar. Gutgore was blind at birth in one eye, but managed to excel in the family business of progressive emu slaughtering. In 1422, his sister Erzbet was thrown overboard the family vessel and spirited away by a giant carp. After this traumatizing event, he swore his everlasting goal in life would to always “be a jerk.” One night in 1423, he chained his parents and sold them to slave traders for a hog and a flagon of wine and made off to sea. After sailing from port to port, looking for a crew of cutthroats, he was forced to settle for a crew of disgruntled potato farmers and tailors. Although trying for many years to earn his place in history as a bloodthirsty tyrant, he is now only remembered for a few dirty sea shanties he wrote while drunk and suffering from food poisoning. Tired of his general lameness and lack of tyranny, his crew bludgeoned him to death with a half eaten turkey leg in 1432.
Also see: shanties, adult drunken
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