My parents are/were carbon copies of each other in politics and religious views. They may have disagreed on other things, but in these two aspects they were identical.
For Dopers who grew up with opposite parents (maybe one Democrat, one Republican) and/or religious views (maybe one Christian, one atheist, or maybe two different religions) - how did that play out? Did they quarrel in front of the kids? Did they keep everything silent and not mention it?
My parents didn’t really talk politics, but they would always joke about going to vote “to cancel him/her out”. They probably shared values but differed on implementation. I am now in a marriage with someone not in my party (he’s an “independent”), but our ideas aren’t really so far apart, and we don’t really argue about much. So also shared values and different implementation.
I guess I sort of assume most relationships are not “carbon copies”.
When I was growing up my adopted father was an atheist and my mother was a Christian. Well, it’s complicated. I was a Christian before my mother was. She had some strange beliefs, like that she’d had a near death experience when she was four, and that some unseen presence had moved her hand to select the right answers on a test in college. After I became a Christian, she eventually did too, and kind of latched her already weird beliefs onto her understanding of Christianity.
Anyway, my adopted father and I talked about our differences a lot. But I’m not sure the extent of the conflict between my parents. They had what I’ll call a mutually abusive relationship. I know she was resentful that he didn’t go to church and that he made fun of us sometimes. I remember we were listening to Christian music in the car once and he made fun of it and she got really upset. She told him he could walk home if he didn’t like it.
Honestly I don’t know how people can even have relationships with such fundamental differences in beliefs or values.
I’m an atheist now. My Mom is still a Christian. Which as far as I can tell mostly means that she believes that she possesses psychic abilities and gets angry that I celebrate a secular version of Christmas.
(My husband and I are carbon copies. Literally the only political issue we have ever disagreed about is marijuana legalization.)
The factor that I find to be most important is how passionate and vocal (and stubborn) they are about their beliefs. Not everyone is girded for battle about their religion or politics, many (most?) prioritize maintaining cordial relationships above “winning” any conflicting arguments.
I’ve also seen people change their partner’s views. When my Aunt got married, her husband was a libertarian and she was a liberal. Over the course of years, she argued him out of it. Now they are much more aligned in their beliefs. I’m honestly surprised that happened. Her husband is the most intelligent person I know, and very stubborn. It took years and years of persuasive arguments and I think he developed more empathy, too. She had a severely mentally ill brother and he said what finally broke him was when she asked, “In your ideal version of society, what happens to my brother?”
My apologies if this is very short, but while I want to answer your questions, I don’t really want to talk about the particulars.
My parents (and I for that matter) started with very similar religious beliefs, and since then went off in our own, wildly divergent directions. She became more secure in her mainstream religion faith, he joined weird cultish stuff that was… mainstream-adjacent, and I essentially became an atheist.
We never, ever talked about it. Ever. Except, years later, as part of the closing rituals of phone calls, she would ask me to maybe consider maybe praying a little or going to a church service, and I’d tell her I’d consider it.
Dad tacked conservative, Mom liberal, though as he got older, Dad became a moderate. (Remember those?) They discussed politics. We all did. It was standard dinner table conversation when I was growing up. But they weren’t vitriolic about it, as so many people are today.
I think the key is that they had the same values: a belief in education, compassion toward those less fortunate, justice for all (Dad was a judge.) They just didn’t always agree on the means and methods. Also, they respected each other. It never got personal. And each of them strongly believed in seeing both sides of every issue.
They’d both be sickened by the political climate today.
My dad was a Republican, my mom is a Democrat, tho she’s strongly anti-abortion. I honestly don’t ever recall hearing them discuss politics, and knowing how non-confrontational she is, I expect they never did.
My husband is a Democrat and I’m non-affiliated, mostly because I don’t want either party bothering me with pleas for money. I think I’m mostly moderate, tho I skew left on a lot of issues. He’s more politically attuned than I am, and he has influenced some of my views, but we don’t argue about it.
My father always said, “Out of the top ten reasons for a couple to fight, the first four are about money.” Once you got past that, there were the kids, in-laws, household chores, etc. By the time you went through the list, he said, there was neither time nor energy left to fight about politics or religion.
My father was Roman Catholic, my mother Seventh Day Adventist. They both compromised and became Methodist. One sister converted to Judaism, one sister stayed with the Methodist church, my brother is an atheist, and I went to a private Presbyterian college, dated a Mormon and was a member of a cult (but now I call myself a non-denominational Protestant)
My father was pretty liberal in his views, the more so as he got older. By contrast my mother was moderately conservative (she might’ve been viewed as a Nixon Republican except I don’t think she liked Tricky Dick very much).
They avoided hassles by virtually never discussing politics, at least in front of their children.