Doubletree Doubletalk

So - last night I stayed at a Doubletree and was very impressed by their decor. Very Crate & Barrel.

Anyway, as I was performing my morning cleansing routine - I noticed the normal guest amenities: shampoo, conditioner, french milled soap, hand lotion, et al. They were all name brand items (Neutrogena mostly) and then there was this “luxury vanity kit.”

It was clearly marked a Neutrogena product so I was all excited. What wonderment was this? Luxury vanity? Such a small box, such a fancy name! I fairly shivered with delight.

And then I opened it.

It was two q-tips and three cotton balls in a plastic sleeve. I kid you not. :smack:

For years, I’ve been living in the lap of luxury and I never knew it! Why, right now, in my very own bathroom, I must have dozens of cotton balls and hundreds of q-tips. What luxury! What vanity! I really felt quite overwhelmed with how bourgeoisie I must be to never have noticed that before.

Am I the only one to get underwhelmed by such doubletalk? Have any of you others been surprised by what you’ve gotten in such clever packaging?

They could leave a dump in the john and label it some sort of “VIP” amenity as long as they keep handing out warm fresh-baked cookies at check-in.

I think that the vanity referred to is not the ego appeal type, but the bathroom furniture type. Cut them slack on one word, if not the other.

One place I stayed had a complimentary cafe au lait station. Water heater, plastic cup, and packets of powdered coffee, cream, and sugar.

So can Midwest Airlines - I never use the bathroom anyway.

It was the finest Egyptian cotton.

I had the same experience staying in a posh hotel in dublin. Here was my myspace post about it:

Based on my experiences staying at posh-ass hotels for work:

Shoehorns - seriously, rpeople use these? I have never used one in my life but all these rooms have them, some of them have 2!

Sewing Kits - Apparently rich people rip their clothes often enough that these are handy. Most times when I rip mine they are done in such a spectacular fashion that one small needle and 17 inches of black thread just mock me.

5 types of soap - You know, I enjoy being clean as muc as the next guy. Maybe more if the next guy is French. But how many types of soap do you need?

2 “Shoe Mitts” - which sound like a glove you would use to catch a shoe, but turn out to be more like a chamois cloth, probably to remove fingerprints from your fancy ass shoes after using the shoehorn.

1 dozen various cut crystal glasses - seriously like waterford crystal. drinking glasses, wine glasses, higball glasses. My room isn’t big enough to have 12 people in it… what the fuck do I do with these? Maybe I should fill them with soap.

A Porcelin crock full of cotton balls - I can probably count the number of times I have used cotton balls in the last year on one hand, and none of those times have I required more than 2. I guess I could put some in the crystal glasses.

A “Vanity kit” - contents: 3 cotton swabs, 3 cotton balls (again with the fucking cotton balls, what do you rich people do with all of these?), 1 emery board. This either leads me to believe: A- This hotel had an ironic sense of vanity or B- I have been mislead to the deadly nature of this particular sin.

Trust me, I love the Doubletree. And I understand that the “vanity” means the bathroom.

But just for giggles I’ve been showing it to other people - and all of them were equally suprised at what a “luxury vanity kit” actually contains.

But my more relevant question was - when has the packaging or name of something conjured up for you something far different from what the item actually was?

I thought a luxury kit from Neutrogena would be some kind of lotion or special cleansing pad.

When I was young, I was always intrigued by “continental breakfasts” until I realized they were just coffee and donuts. (before you say anything, I realize they are much more than that these days - but back in the stone age - that was something I was excited about that was so much different than what I thought.)

You’ve never used a shoehorn? They are damned handy for getting into nice shows without breaking their back. I swiped a couple from hotels back when they had them, and usually take one on trips where I’ll be wearing good shoes. Used it on the trip I just came back from.

Handy things to have when a button falls off.

Yes, nice to have to buff the polish on the shows whose backs you haven’t broken thanks to using your shoehorn.

Bet your room had a bar. Nuff said. I prefer glasses to plastic cups myself.

The hotel I just stayed at in Barcelona had male and female packs, the male one having a little toothbrush and toothpaste, a throwaway razor and shaving cream, and a tiny show brush. I don’t remember what the female one had except a little sponge which we used instead of the washcloths the room didn’t provide. What do Europeans have against washcloths anyhow?

Burnmeup, obviously you’re not female. In addition to the pts Voyager made (sewing kit, shoe horn, shoe mitt), I’ll elaborate on others. Cotton balls are very useful when removing makeup – especially removing waterproof mascara with eye makeup remover – and for nail polish remover. I usually have an emery board with me, but if for some reason I didn’t and the hotel had provided one? bonus points for them.