Okay, I’ve seen a lot of allegations about this crop of presidential hopefuls and possibles. The Vietnam War lasted so long that virtually the entire field has to have some excuse for not going to the Nam. Perhaps you folks out there could help me complete the list here. I don’t have a lot yet.
Dan Quayle: Dutifully served in the National Guard, at the request of people now dead other than himself Was not called to active duty in Vietnam, but probably got laid in the back seat of an APC.
Alan Keyes: Perhaps he was considered insignificant by the Draft Board?
George W.: Dutifully served in the National Guard at the request of deceased entities other than his father’s career. Was not called to active duty in Vietnam, but as president of his fraternity courageously ordered pledges to their disfigurement.
John McCain: Naval aviator; shot down over Vietnam; spent six years at the Hanoi Hilton. Not angry about it. Not even a little bit.
Bill Bradlee: Well, uh, sports stars can get away with anything in this country. (Insert actual excuse here)
Al Gore: Too busy teaching others how to inhale?
Warren Beatty: Supported the war effort by actively opposing it.
Reform Party/ Other:
Donald Trump: He doesn’t like shaking hands. Chances are he doesn’t like parasite infested mud either, but how did he beat it?
Pat Buchanan: 4F; bad knee, I think…
Jesse Ventura: Navy SEAL; served in Mekong Delta with Seal Team ? Later went on to metaphorically win the war by giving his screen life to help Arnold beat an invisible jungle opponent.
Have I forgotten anyone? Your help is appreciated.