Since we live in the boonies, visiting anyone is a trek - my closest sib is just over 90 minutes away, my mom is about 2 and a quarter hours, my brother a bit farther, my daughter or my inlaws are a full day of driving away. Even our marina, where we hang with our boating buds, is about 35 minutes or more, depending on traffic. I think one Doper lives within about 30 minutes, another maybe 45-50, and the rest over an hour.
Chances are, I’m not going to drive to Mom’s just for dinner, then drive home. If we go there, it’ll be for the better part of a day. And if we head to Florida to visit the kid or the inlaws, we better be planning on 3 or 4 days there minimum. My rough rule of thumb is that the visit should be at least as long as the round trip commute. Starting next month, I’ll be driving to Annapolis for 8 Saturdays for a class - the commute is just over an hour one way, the class is 2 hours long - this violates my rule by a little, but I really really want to take the class.
The dilemma comes for me when a DopeFest is planned. I won’t drive 2 hours for a dinner that may last 90 minutes to 2 hours, then drive the 2 hours home. OK, maybe for a super-favorite who’s just in town for a little while or for a super-special occasion, but ordinarily, I can’t make myself do it. And I pretty much expect the same about someone coming to visit me, so if I host something, it’s going to be at least 4 hours long.
So, what are your personal guidelines about going places? Or do you even have any? Is no trip too far for a certain someone? Am I just being an anti-social grouch? Ya wanna come hang out with me??
Maybe you should go out for lunch after your class, and that will get your time in Annapolis up over your drive time sufficiently. (Sufficiently for what, I leave it to you and your mental health professional to determine. )
I don’t have a length of drive/length of visit rule, but I consider 45 minutes the longest “normal” amount to drive for a “normal” type visit. (Have dinner, go see a movie with a friend, hang out, etc.) Since a “normal” visit usually runs at least two hours, I’m within your guidelines. For family, all I’ve got is my sister (45 minutes), and my brother in DC (2-1/2 hours, and only for special occasions, since we don’t get along). Aunts and cousins are all down in Georgia at this point, and the last time I was down to visit I flew, and stayed for four days.
I’ve only been to two Dopefests that were two hours-ish from me – Gettysdope last summer and last month’s Baltimore trip. Both were all-day outings, so again, I’m good. OTOH, I’m fortunate enough to live in a Doper-ific area, so our semi-frequent Philly Doper Dinners have all been at venues within a half hour of where I live.
Yep, for most things with family, friends, etc., the risk time better fairly closely approximate the reward time unless it’s a special event like a wedding or the like. About the only time I’ll willingly violate it for entertainment is to catch a baseball game in Dallas . . . from Houston. We’ve got season tics right by the visitor warmup circle so if I can be 7 feet from Jeter, Williams or a similar superstar I like then I’ll do the 10 hours roundie for the 3 hour payoff. But that’s rare.
Most of the time a long drive for an event involves me driving from San Diego to LA. That drive can take 2-3 hours, depending on traffic and where exactly I’m going. That means 4-6 hours round trip.
I don’t think I’d go up for anything lasting less than 2 hours, unless it was vital to my health or financial well-being (or that of my parents, I guess). And if I really wasn’t all that hot to trot on things, it would have to last longer than 2 hours to be justified.
I’ve driven up for a couple of DopeFests, but those usually lasted at least probably 4 hours or so.
This is the very reason I hardly ever see my mom’s family: It takes 6 hours and nearly $20 in tolls to get there, and I’m not going to drive up on a Saturday just to spend one night and have to drive back on Sunday (there are no airports or train stations where they live). It would take two full days to get to see everyone (3 cousins with their own families, my aunt & uncle, and my grandfather), so that makes a 4-day trip the minimum. It’s very hard to take a random Thursday/Friday/Monday/Tuesday off when there’s no holiday, and when there is a holiday the traffic is a nightmare, so I hardly ever go up there. It sucks, but mostly I believe that it helps my cousins and me get along as well as we do.
For other things I do tend to apply a similar drive time/event time calculation, but I’ve also been known to perfectly happily accept a small “payoff” in some situations.
While I don’t mind driving, I just hate being in a car for more than four hours per day. Don’t like sitting still that long and get really bored with the whole thing.
So - four hours one way, I am there at least overnight.
Two hours one way - well, it had better be something worthwhile otherwise I wouldn’t bother driving all that way only to have to get back in the car and drive back.
(Of course, “worthwhile” is relative…could be a great party, a special concert, 3 minutes of good sex…)
This is an interesting question that my wife and I have discussed. Her position is that if you drive a long distance to see someone, then you should stay for a proportionally long time.
My position is that you should stay for the length of time that you will enjoy the visiting or activity. For example, my mother-in-law lives 7 hours away. We visit her several times each year, and stay for several days (because of the distance involved). And both my wife and I agree that the enjoyable part would be over pretty quickly, as my mother-in-law is elderly and senile. Therefore the converstations are repeated every few minutes, and every day is like starting all over…and she won’t remember if you were there the day before. I think that we should go for maybe 2 days max, but my wife insists for more time due to the distance even while admitting that the additional visitation is not good.
So, the result is that we could be somewhere else being productive or having fun, but so far, we’ve stayed for the several days.
Visit time >= drive time is pretty much my heuristic. That includes activities too. I’ll drive 2 1/2 hours each way to get in six hours or so of skiing, but not as often as when I lived 90 minutes away.
I don't actually enjoy driving much, so anything over an hour has to promise some decent entertainment value.
I drive five hours one way to see my mum. I have been known to only stay there one night, then drive back and report for work on afternoon shift. Usually though, I stay at least two nights. I enjoy driving, though. Also I’m a cityslicker who needs to get out and satisfy his “dude ranch” tendencies sometimes, so I enjoy nothing more than watching the road change from suburban chaos to freeway to two lane blacktop to minor road to dirt road where strangers casually lift one finger on the steering wheel as a gesture of hello (they lift one finger in the city too, but it ain’t quite the same).
Nothing better when you’ve been living and working a suburban lifestyle without a break for months, to be able to drive a road that goes dead straight to the horizon, pump up the Creedence Clearwater, smell the trees, and dodge the kangaroos…
So yes, my ratio can be ridiculously skewed. I once drove to Melbourne for a doughnut (1700km return trip). Okay, I did it just for the trip, but I was there only a day or so. And the doughnut place was closed.
I personally prefer a bit more time at the destination than on the road; if the time only works out even (or worse), it has to be something I really want to do.
What time of day is your Annapolis class, FCM? I’m often in Annapolis on Saturday mornings, running errands. Breakfast/lunch sometime?
9:30-11:30 starting April 2 - at Chase St (I gotta print out a map for the first day) The good Cap’n will be working on the boat most of those mornings, so lunch might be doable - breakfast would be too early or possibly rushed so I can make class on time. I’ll let you know after the first session!
Growing up near Detroit, I think my perception is maybe a bit skewed, we’re totally a driving culture.
That said, I don’t think twice of driving sixty mile to meet a friend for dinner, or 250 miles to my parents’ place for a birthday dinner and back home the same day.
Sure, it’d be nice if the friend or parents lived closer, but I base my decision more on the event rather than the drive time.
My husband learned to drive in Detroit and lived there till he was in his 20s, but in his old age, he hates to drive almost as much as I do. So we trade off at the wheel, and it’s tolerable. We’re also less likely to drive straight through on the really long trips - Thank goodness for hotels.
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