Is it, I donno, fear?
I drove late. I was kinda sheltered with a bunch of drivers in the house.
Got the permit and liscense quickly when I did.
I don’t have a dog in this young woman’s fight. I just can’t believe she’s kept it so long from this guy. Or why? It seems like something you’d tell right off and have a good reason. Maybe it’s a personal fear or she was in a horrible accident as a youth.
The reason I even know is because the lil’wrekker told me inadvertently. The couple were coming to our house before Thanksgiving and she told my daughter to make sure I didn’t bring it up in front of him. Not that I would have. But this woman is actively concealing the thing.
This is a problem IHMHO. What if he cannot drive temporarily for some reason? May be the sweetest caring person ever, but hey, what if your boy friend needs you to pick up a prescription and can’t even temporarily not drive?
I wonder these things as well.
A lotta reasons…
The researchers didn’t look into what the reasons for this decline might be, but in an earlier study, they surveyed young adults ages 18 to 39 without driver’s licenses about why they don’t have them. The top three reasons were: “too busy or not enough time to get a driver’s license” (37 percent), “owning and maintaining a vehicle is too expensive”(32 percent), and “able to get transportation from others” (31 percent).
For my nephew and niece, it will be the latter two (they’ve specifically mentioned it is too expensive while not bothering to get a job). They’ve got a shit ton of free time on their hands.
Choosing not drive or have a DL is perfectly reasonable even if you live somewhere in the US that is not particularly setup for that way of life (i.e. pretty much anywhere outside Manhattan)
Doing that and not telling your long term romantic partner, (and it not being obvious very soon to them) is not. Unless you are living somewhere like Manhattan they are gonna work it out.
“Warning Will Robinson” But I’m sure you know that. Have them mow the grass.
I’ve seen a few people like that. Still trying to clean up from an ‘entitled’ relative. It’s NOT a good legacy to leave. And am helping her sister deal with that. It’s a mess.
It’s VERY hard to put your foot down and say NO. I understand that. If you’re a gentle kind person, it’s hard to say, no. And then say it again. It’s very hard.
The person I’m helping could not do that. I understand. Love gets in the way. But love is a two way street. No one could get this persons ass in gear, and now we are dealing with it.
Well, I hope these two work out. They seem good together.
They have chores and we basically have to ride herd over them to complete these tasks. And the older niece FINALLY has a job (she is a college freshman). That is also part of the problem: Having someone that is by most definitions an adult in the house and trying to figure out where we should draw the line. The younger brother we have no problems telling him to do things. We are entering the long dark months where there isn’t much outside work and last year, he was useless at shoveling snow. He has grown since then so I’m hoping he can help a bit. We have plenty of snow shoveling and each year my back complains more. It’s supposed to be an El Niño year so maybe it will be a lighter snow year.
As others have said, it’s not as unusual for a young person now to not have a driver’s license, compared to a few decades ago. I suspect that at least part of it is that, thanks to the internet, it’s a lot easier to have a social life without leaving the house than it was in the past.
My mom was 27 before she learned to drive. I was about to start kindergarten, so 5 years old or so. Before that I guess my dad had to take off work to drive me or my sister to the Dr. and stuff. We always lived in rural areas, no buses. This would have been the late 60’s.
I think that could be part. I used to want to go to my friends houses and go out and do things. They meet friends through video games, snapchat, etc. My parents used to say “no” to a lot of our requests. Now we are urging them to go out! GTFO out of here for a bit and give us some quiet! 
While they are in their rooms, they can be quite loud and super annoying.
I’m not adverse to having teens wait til later to get lisc. Maybe even a mandate that prohibits teens from driving alone til age 18.
A bunch of families would really hate that, I know.
I just hate reading about youths getting in wrecks and engaging with LE for not following the laws of the road.
It’s not the fact she doesn’t drive. It’s the fact she has deceived him. I’m thinking they met in college. That’s a good 4 years of the lie.
Maybe it began innocently. She said she just didn’t have a car. I think it’s moved to a higher degree of a lie.
Maybe she’s still telling him “I don’t have a car” and he continues buying it.
Do you know he doesn’t know? Or are you (or Lilwrekker) just surmising that he doesn’t know? Or have been told he doesn’t know and are assuming you’ve been told the truth?
If he truly doesn’t know, overall that make him sound too clueless to stay employed for long at a 7-11. It also make her a lying liar who lies, and therefore someone no one should get close to. That “no one” includes your daughter. Run away! Run away! If the GF is really engaging in that extreme a level of deception with somebody she truly cares about, what sort of deception does she drop casually on everyone else everywhere she goes?
Or …
He knows and has for a long time, but it’s simply an unmentionable “agree to disagree” topic between them, and “he doesn’t know” is just the cover story GF told your daughter. Who believed her then told you.
If the latter I could understand how they got there, even though it’ll be a long-term source of discomfort between them if they stick together.
My point was, unless they live in Manhattan, he almost certainly knows already, and its clearly not a deal breaker for him. I wish that wasn’t the case, it would be awesome to be able to live in an average American city and get by just fine without the need to drive somewhere ever happening, but in 2023 America that just wouldn’t happen.
If I had to guess, she gets upset when he brings up the subject of her driving, and so he worked out what was going on pretty early on and just doesn’t mention it.
As a teen or college kid back in the day, one heck of a lot of kids ended up with a shitty part-time job after/during school whose sole result was to supply the cash to pay for the crappy car to get them to and from the job. The car ate nearly every penny they earned. That hardly seemed a noble endeavor then and it still doesn’t now. I’d bet that relative to shit-job wages cars, fuel, and insurance are even more expensive now than in the 1970s.
I have no use for moochers, which it seems most of the non-driving set are. I’m not being judgy on your living arrangements or on how you came to be caring in loco parentis for nieces and nephews. Good on ya for stepping up however that came to pass.
I’m just talking about their relationships with their peers who’re chauffeuring them around regularly and willingly. For sure teens tend to be real generous with other teens as they’re learning about socializing as amateur quasi-adults. At the same time I remember a fine bit of bumper sticker philosophy from our youthful era:
Gas, grass, or ass. Nobody rides for free.
Words to live by. Regardless of which side of the car you’re sitting in.
Maybe so.
I know we don’t tell our SOs everything. I certainly don’t. But this is a big big thing.
Maybe not a deal breaker.
I hope he knows and prefers not to upset her with it.
In an “average American city” in 2023, it’s probably a lot easier to not be able to (or care to) drive than it was 10 or 15 years ago, thanks to Uber and Lyft.
Prior to ridesharing taking off, you would have been limited to (a) public transportation (if it even existed in your area, and there was a bus or train line close to you), taxis (if they existed in your area), and getting rides from friends or family members (plus, of course, walking or using a bike). Now, if you have the money, you can Uber around, at least locally.
This makes no sense. They live together. He must know.
Do you think he’s never said:
“honey, I’m still sick with the flu…I have explosive diarrhea…Please go to the pharmacy and get me some Imodium”
“I don’t have a car”
"okay. so take my car "
What did she say? “No, I’d rather you shit in your pants”
He must know that she can’t drive, and that the reason is not “she doesn’t have a car”.
Actually, this might be an even bigger red flag about their relationship than her not driving: Why in the past 2 years has he never suggested to her that she use his car? That’s okay for roommates, not for a couple.