Why did the duck cross the road?
(sounds better IMO)
So this duck walks into a store and asks for some glue…
Quack! … Quack!
It does too echo!
(d&r)
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Have you got any duck food?”
“No,” says the bartender.
Next day, the duck walks in again and asks, “Have you got any duck food?”
“I told you yesterday. No!” says the bartender.
Next day, the duck walks in and asks, “Have you got any duck food?”
The bartender says, “Look, duck, I didn’t have any yesterday or the day before. I don’t have any duck food. And if you come in tomorrow and ask for duck food, I’ll nail your bill to the bar.”
Next day, the duck walks in and asks, “Have you got any nails?”
“No,” says the bartender.
“Oh,” says the duck, “Have you got any duck food?”
This duck walks into a store and asks for some lip balm.
The clerk, knowing ducks rarely carry credit cards, says “Here you are, sir. Will you be paying cash for that?”
The duck says “No, just put it on my bill”
I had pie tod… Wait, that’s not right. I saw a duck today.
Susan
That joke had me laughing for a good five minutes straight. I’m stealing it to email to everyone I know, and you can’t stop me.
Quack.
Thank you, Laughing Lagomorph and LurkMeister. Like Q.E.D., I love a good laugh-out-loud to aide my digestion after dinner.
When I was growing up we always had at least 2 ducks. My mom liked them because they would eat the slugs. During the spring and early summer the ducks always had slug slime dripping from their bills. We also ate the eggs the ducks laid till one fateful day that just happened to be my little brother’s birthday. My mom was making a cake and used duck eggs instead of chicken eggs. One of the eggs my mom used had a half developed duckling inside. My mother could never bring herself to use duck eggs again.
But why don’t their quacks echo!?!! 
They do. Don’t make me come over there,
[quote]
baby armadilo[/quote
I saw one of these squished on the side of the road while driving to work yesterday. Yuck.
Poor armadillo.
IDBB
WHAT TO SAY WHEN THE DUCKS SHOW UP
I, for one, am going to know what to say when the ducks sow up. I’ve made a list of phrases, and although I don’t know which one to use yet, they are all good enough in case they showed up tomorrow. Many people won’t know what to say when the ducks show up, but I will. Maybe I’ll say, “Oh ducks, oh ducks, oh ducks,” or just “Ducks wonderful ducks!” I practice these sayings every day, and even though the ducks haven’t come yet, when they do, I’ll know what to say.
- Essay by Steve Martin in his short story collection CRUEL SHOES, 1980
To this day, I greet ducks by saying “Ducks wonderful ducks!” and have taught it to my niece and any other impressionable children I come across. Just try to say it without smiling. See? You can’t!
Oh yeah, I lived in Boston half my life and would point out that ducks are quite famous there thanks to ‘Make Way for Ducklings’, possibly the greatest pieces of literature to star ducks. The statue in the Public Garden is cool beyond measure; the cutest thing on earth is seeing eight little kids sitting in a row on each duck, with one of the Mommies on the large Mrs. Mallard.
I apologize for the typos–for sow read show, and MWFD is possibly the great piece of literature to star ducks.
IDBB, I was told when I was down in Florida that armadillos are born dead by the sides of roads, so don’t feel so bad.
Or greatest, even. OK, I need food.
I live here in Florida, and I have seen two live armadillos. One even gave me a little lick on the arm. (It was at the local Pet Fair science museum fund-raiser, at one of the rehab center display booths.)
I swear, the raccoons tease the armadillos into playing chicken with the on-coming traffic.
“Okay, Bobby, here comes another 18-wheeler. Run across the road in front of it, around what’s left of Cynthia, and we’ll let you join the clubhous… eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww, well, scratch him off the list, too.”
Even though this thread has gone 35 posts without anyone making the obvious point that ducks can be used to spot witches, I’ll forgo the Monty Python reference and post some literary duckiness. In this snippet of Chaucer’s Parliament of Fowls, a duck (part of the avian House of Commons) complains about the pointlessness of courtly love as practiced by a trio of obnoxious eagles:
‘Wel bourded!’ quod the doke, ‘by my hat!
That men shulde alwey loven, causeles,
Who can a reson finde or wit in that?
Daunceth he mury that is mirtheles?
Who shulde recche of that is reccheles?
Ye, quek!’ yit quod the doke, ful wel and faire,
‘There been mo sterres, God wot, than a paire!’
Okay, so I didn’t really forgo the Monty Python reference. So what?
In the game “Dink Smallwood”, you have to slaughter innocent ducks because the local townsfolk worship them and give them all their food. If you ask me, Dink should’ve gone after the townspeople. Besides, their soothing quack is one of the better parts of the game.
Excellent book.