Dude, I realize you have disability. How about not being an obnoxious drunk anyway?

The BBQ Pit
1

Arrrrrrrgh. My friend is dating a drunk. This guy had a stroke a few years back, and he has some neurological symptoms. The most prominent of these are drooling, and slow speech. On a good day, this guy takes about a minute and a half to say hello.

His personality and IQ remain unchanged. The problem is that he was a fucking asshole before he had the stroke.

For ease of reference I’ll refer to the friend who is dating the asshole as M, and the asshole himself as D, for drunk.

So the other night I was over at a friend’s house, a group of us watch tv over there on Tuesday nights. M invited herself over there–she used to be a regular, but stopped coming when she resumed dating D (she had dated him for about a year before, but figured out that he was an asshole, and broke up with him)–but when she got there, D was with her.

D showed up with two bottles of wine and drank both of them by himself. He also mooched a bunch of pot from a mutual friend. This exacerbated his slooooooooooow speech and drooling. Then he proceded to talk loudly throughout every show, pausing only for the commercial breaks. He talks kind of like this: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmEvanmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmImmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmcaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooffffffffffffffffffffttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

He speaks in a monotone at a pitch close to the E above middle-C. Several people asked him to shut the fuck up, nicely at first, and then not so nicely. He just laughed it off, and continued to be an asshole. And don’t get me started on the drooling. Around 11, he asked the host to open another bottle of wine. I’m proud of her for not hitting him.

I like to think I’m pretty accepting of people with disabilities. I have a severely autistic daughter. In college, I did a lot of work with developmentally disabled adults. I guess what I’m saying is: Is it me? It’s him right?

So I’m saying it here now. Dude, we know that you had a stroke. We know that you talk differently because of it. But you’ve gotta stop being such a fucking fudge tunnel. Get a grip, get back on your medication, stop drinking, and by all means shut your fucking drool-emitting pie hole goddamn it. Nobody can even understand you after you’ve had a few drinks.

2

This will truly be a country of the Free when we can call an asshole an asshole no matter what their physical condition, color of skin, sexual orientation, or any other “touchy” area.

It’s him.

3

A-fucking-men. That whole “content of their character” thing springs to mind. He’s a douchebag.

4

He had a stroke and is boozing and smoking pot? Doesn’t sound too bright. This problem may resolve itself before too long.

5

When I read the title of your OP, I was expecting to hear about how someone blamed his behavior on his disability. However, after reading your post I don’t see that anywhere. You said “D” was an asshole before and after the stroke, so why are you focusing on his disability? If you’re stepping around eggshells because you feel sorry for him, then you’re being a pussy. Treat him as an equal and tell him what an asshole he is, just as you would someone without an obvious medical condition.

6

Nah, I told him to shut up, as did the host, and M. He does try to play it off as part of his disability. And the thing is, he’s half right. The way he talks is mostly due to his stroke AFAICT. The fact that he chooses to get faced, which amplifies his symptoms, and then foist them on us when they are clearly inconsistent with the planned activity–that’s the asshole part.

M is very co-dependent. Driving him around so that he can get drunk and apologizing for his BS, as she did that night and again the next morning. M got me my current job, and has been nothing but nice to me, and I try to honor that by not getting in her shit. To some extent that entails not physically evicting her annoying boyfriend from the house of a mutual friend. Or at least at the outside, not setting him on fire and roasting weenies over his smoldering (and finally silent) corpse. For now, anyway.

7

Dude, no! That would be one cruel and heartless act.

Wine smoking is never a kind thing to do to a weenie. Beer steaming is OK, though.

8

Maybe I should just barbeque the whole mess.

9

Aren’t you kind of enabling “M” by allowing her asshole friend so much slack? Why not tell “M” that you are thrilled to hang out with her, but life is to short to spend it with “D”?

10

I’ve been considering doing something along those lines. Until now, M & D have been under the radar because we seldom see them. When M & D started dating again, there was an incident, but I wasn’t around for that one. However, after the other night, M told our host that D wanted to do “this” once a month. We are all cringing about that. So it might come to a head soon.