Of course I can’t find it now, but in one of Harlan Ellison’s short essays he relates the story of his witnessing a murder in an inner-city theater of someone who was motormouthed and foolish enough to backtalk the wrong guy.
I’d catch that guy outside the theater and offer to buy him a beer. 
i carry a small container of cayenne pepper with me most of the time. if i walk out a store and some idiot is standing up wind of the door smoking, i go up wind of him/her and shake some pepper in the wind. if i was in a theatre or anywhere for that matter and some ass was annoying me i’d annoy them with the “pepper”. if they want to kick my a$$, i will more than happily accomodate them. ain’t scared. these kind of little punks have gotten away with crap because the “law” is on their side or protect them. but if you can get them to swing or take agressive action first, well the cops will see it differently and you got to kick some worthless piece of craps a$$. don’t give shit, don’t take shit, ain’t in the shit business.
I remember that. It was in Stalking the Nightmare, in an essay called “The 3 Most Important Things In Life.” It might be online…
…Jackpot. Scroll about a third of the way down to the section called “Violence.” I remember this story well. Horrific and hilarious at the same time.
This is also the essay that has Ellison’s infamous story about how he got fired from Disney 4 hours after he started.
One of his best collections. It doesn’t forgive him his frequent assholery, but the man can write.
This is probably the only true statement in your little rant.
No, you don’t.
No, you wouldn’t.
:dubious:
What does this even MEAN?
I want you to keep believing this. Please, PLEASE continue believing this. There is no such crime as “assault.” Whoever takes the first swing is ALWAYS wrong- it’s the LAW. You can take that to the bank. Act on it. It’s the LAW. Keep believing this, PLEASE.
You’re not tough. Go play somewhere where people are more likely to believe you.
If the shooter had killed him, he’d have gone to the special hell.
Or he’ll be packing heat next time too.
You are my hero. We just don’t see strength without violence any more. Good for you – and the guy who helped.
Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni
your ideas fascinate me and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.
and for what it’s worth, awesome thread. I’m in the gallery of people who think that more people should get the beatdown on a little more regular basis to stave off the rest of them. People have just become way to polite for their own good. Making yourself crazy because you don’t want to inconvenience the idiot who won’t stop talking in the theater, or any other such nonsense is just ridiculous. Just MHO of course and all that.
ETA: oh yeah, Larry Mudd, this
is so full of awesome I can’t even fully express it.
Oh man I hate, *hate, /I] HATE talkers in movies. Not terribly long ago Nahiitashii and I went to a showing of Hellboy II: The golden army. We were enjoying the flick, when after about 40 min had elapsed in came a family group of five. Mom and three kids, and a male accompaniment. The children, perhaps 5-9 years in age decided that the movie was either A: Boring, or B: Their English wasn’t good enough to understand it, and talked through the next 30 minutes of it continuously in loud voices. After several shushings and dis approving looks from Nahiitashii, the mother got up and tried to pick a fistfight with her!
Now it is important to know that Nashiitashii is not a small woman. She stands about 5’10, and has a typical Icelandic viking build. While most of the time she is a creampuff, she is also as strong as most men who don’t work out. I see her about to lose it on this woman who is still vomiting a bunch of obscenities at us. I stand up. I’m not a big man at all, 5’7, and about 160 lbs, but even I dwarfed the rude little spitfire a few seats over. I growled a few words at her and after ensuring that Nashiitashii would not break her spine in the interim, went to locate what passed for management in that theatre. He was sympathetic, but said he couldn’t do anything about it unless one of his people saw it. Eventually I got a couple of free passes and went to finish the movie, AFTER missing the angle of death scene! (Dammit dammit dammit). After the film let out, We, (I), decide to take the high road, and make a hasty exit. The Woman dogged us the whole way out, shouting, cursing, and berating her male companion to do something about me, since apparently I said “I was going to beat her up in the parking lot” This poor shlub waddles over to me, (he’s about 5’3 and 200 lbs) and repeats as much in severely broken English. He has the “Oh god, please don’t let this get out of hand look on his face”.
“She say that you say that you gonna fight her?” He looks like he doesn’t believe it very much himself.
“No.” I answered gruffly and in a fairly menacing tone. I had really had enough.
He seems to be simultaneously confused, relieved, and incredulous that his challenge to me isn’t going as planned. He turns around and fires off a rapid exchange with her that I can’t follow, then grabs one of the kids’ wrists and heads outside. The woman meanwhile is now exchanging mutually unintelligible insults with Nashiitashii; Her in Spanish, N. in Icelandic and pit-worthy, creative English. This amused me enough that I forgot about being angry long enough to calm down and be the voice of reason. N. was convinced to leave off the pointless argument with the ghetto-cheese, and we went home. Still, it aggravates me even while writing this post that there really is no business of legal recourse for dealing with people who behave like that.
Adults settle their differences amongst themselves, without running to Mommy/Teacher/Manager for help. I suspect he learned that in elementary school.
(Of course, adults also think their “solutions” through, and I think he forgot that part. Not sure why he thought shooting a fellow patron would not draw a response from the authorities, but at least he Solved The Problem Like A Man.)
Settling your differences amongst yourselves should be the first option, but I submit to you that seeking management would, in fact, be preferable to throwing popcorn or fighting. You’re less likely to get arrested, get your ass kicked or, if it matters, screwing up the movie for everybody else. Whereas by throwing popcorn - nevermind the gun - this guy did more of the playground bully thing, and those are the people who really like the “don’t run to the teacher, baby” credo.
What? You shake cayenne pepper 'in" the wind. What?
Does the wind do your bidding? How do you get the wind to comply?
How many times have you had to run from a mob of people?
I love that the guy shot the talker, and then just sat down to watch the rest of the movie as tho nothing would happen! 
How difficult would it be for theaters to post a phone number to text or call to complain during movies?
Well I hope he used a silencer.
It would be slightly at odds with their posted policy encouraging movie patrons not to use their phones during the movie. Plus, it would make sense and probably increase their workload, both things which I imagine movie theaters are against.
I agree - the intended sarcasm in my post didn’t really come through like I’d hoped when I re-read it.
I try to save busting a cap in someones ass for those really important occasions. You know, breaking and entering, that sort of thing. If I wan’t some joker to shut his hole and he’s not in a compliant mood, I offer him a consultation outside. Everybodys a badass though. Que sera, sera.
But I suppose if you’re willing to shoot someone a good brawl isn’t out of the question.