DUIs: A thread in which Tripler loses his cool . . .

This little rant is for my behalf, as well as the edification of the few that may glean something from it. Yeah, it’s something akin to beating a dead horse, but I don’t care. My organization has had numerous DUIs in the past few weeks (at least 4, from last I heard). But I digress . . .

Dear Human Cruise Missile,

I understand that you may be drinking as you read this, so I will keep it short and to the point.

1. Don’t drink and drive. Yes, you heard me. Gimme your keys. Now. I’m sick and tired of having to hear time and time again how someone fucked up, and damn near got into an accident. Well, guess what, it finally happened. Maybe you wouldn’t have hit that car and sent that little girl to the hospital, if her mother didn’t pull out in front of you. Maybe you would have made it home that night. It’s a crap shoot, kid, and sooner or later, yer gonna roll a seven. You have lost the priviledge of driving downtown for three months. You have lost the priviledge of driving on base for the next calendar year. What’s worse, you put a little girl in the hospital.

2. Find a fuckin’ ride. There’s plenty of cabs in this town, many of which can be had for less than a round of beers. Put a fuckin’ $20 in your sock and not in your wallet, so you have a little something to get home with. I’m sure that even scumbags such as yourself can find a ride with someone sober. And don’t fuckin’ get into the car with the buddy you just tossed back tequila shots with. Keep the casualties down: two dead kids ain’t better than one.

3. Think about what the fuck yer doing before you go out. Yes. Arrange for a DD. Figure out where you’re going, and how yer getting there. Slow down before you get yourself hammered and screwed. If you can’t get back with a friend, can you walk?

4. Call ME!. Yeah, because you fucked up, the squadron now has to keep one person on call each week to give you an option. If all else fails, call the office and someone will call me to give you a free, safe, confidential ride home. Don’t be a fuckin’ hero, and don’t be mother fuckin’ John Wayne. Just pick up the cellphone, say “Hey, can ya pick me up?”, and I’ll be there. Odds are, if it’s a happening party, I’d like to be there anyway.

Now, I’m not perfect. Have I done it before? Yes. But when my bud got a DUI, that opened my fuckin’ eyes. You’ve done it in the past? Fine. CUT THIS SHIT OUT, NOW!. You turn yourself into an unguided cruise missile every time you get behind the wheel in your condition, and I fully support what the boss is doing to you morons. Maybe the jail time option is a viable choice?

But a positive note: Should you splatter your guts all over the highway, rest assured I will come to scrape you up. However, I will put you back together and bring you back to life, just to beat the crap out of you.

Goddammit, I’m sick of you morons. I know I ain’t gonna convert you all by the millions, but sweet Jesus, maybe the thought of my boot up your ass will keep one of you from mowing down a family.

If you’ve been drinking, don’t drive. Just cut that shit out.

The little girl is fine, for the record.

DUIs are serious shit. IMHO whenever someone drives under the influence and gets busted they deserve what they get. They could kill or hurt anyone including themselves. The single most frightening experience of my life was being driven home by someone under the influence. I was not exactly sober that night either, but I noticed when we were veering off toward the median, and I was definately not drunk by any means. The driver thanked me the next morning for just saying watch out or something every time we were veering towards the median or the wall. We were lucky as hell not to get busted that night, and to not get in an accident. Now I know the signs of intoxication alot better and I’m very thankful for that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have no sympathy for idiots who get convicted of DUI. I’ve never understood the way-too-common attitude of “Dude, they really screwed you on that one!”

I frequent (too frequently) a bar in my town, and I have more than a couple of friends who are currently in the license-suspended phase of their DUI sentence. I like these guys, seriously. I’ve had a crush on more than one of them at various times. They’re nice guys, for the most part.

But they’re idiots. And I say that in the nicest of possible insulting tones. DUI is not difficult to avoid. If you drink, don’t drive. If you have to drive, don’t drink. How much simpler can it be?

“But I wanna have fun when I go out!” If you can’t have fun without becoming seriously impaired, you have a problem that reaches far beyond a DUI.

“But none of my friends have their car on the road!” So, um…don’t drink? See above for the response to “but how will I have fun if I don’t drink?”

“But I’m all right to drive!” Yeah, and I just watched your eyes cross as you tried to track diverging laser lights from the dance floor while reaching for the keys you dropped and almost knocking over a bar stool. Gimme the keys.

Idiots. Damn nice guys, hot as hell, and great kissers, but idiots. All of 'em. It’s almost a good thing none of them are likely to reproduce…



“Should you splatter your guts all over the highway, rest assured I will come to scrape you up. However, I will put you back together and bring you back to life, just to beat the crap out of you.”

I don’t blame you.

Excellent post

I used to drink and drive. About six years ago, my best friend got a DUI. He hit a parked car and nobody was hurt. His whole life was turned upside down by it. The financial costs, the legal fees, the loss of licence, etc… were luckily a wake up call, for him and for me. Neither of us has gotten behind a wheel intoxicated since. He and myself were extremely lucky that we never injured anyone and I realized that I could never afford the consequences of getting a DUI.

Here here! That’s a little lession I learned about 13 years ago when I rolled my car right off the side of Falls Rd. in Downtown Baltimore pissed outta my mind. Never again, and I DO realize how lucky I was, so new lectures are not needed in my case.

It’s best not to drive when you have been drinking, even if you aren’t impaired. It’s really easy to manipulate some breathalyzers to show a .13 when you’re actual BAC is only .03. The results will look a little fishy and you can probably get it plead down or thrown out in court because of that, but you are still going to go to jail, you are still going to have your license temporarily suspended, and you are going to be out a lot of money. Happened to me.

Bravo Tripler.

The more people that heed this, the better. I’ve done it, survived without incident, realised how lucky - and how goddamned bloody stupid - I’d been, and I’ve never done it since. If I drink, I don’t drive - I’m far more likely to be the designated driver, since I don’t drink much. I’ve gone so far as to nick someone’s car keys if nothing else will stop them from driving.

Out of curiosity, what are the rules in the States on random breath testing of motorists?

Currently? I believe the police will pull you over if you’re having obvious problems driving. Like, can’t stay in one lane, weaving, stopping suddenly, et al… Sure you could be sleepy, but they’ll advise you to get a buddy to drive you then.

If they smell the alcohol, they’ll do the little roadside tests. Refusing the tests is bad form*. Policemen don’t find that trick funny. Then, if you are truly plastered, I believe you’re arrested, and get a involuntary visit to the local jail. Whereupon the legal system makes it way on.

Granted, I’ve never had a beer or anything in my life. I’ve only been pulled over for driving while too sleepy. (Scared the crap out of me. I didn’t go to bed when I got home.) The above is a general guide I’ve picked up from friends in various police forces.

In general? Don’t drink and drive. It’s simple.

*[sub] There is a school of thought which tells you to go ahead and refuse the test, go to jail, and argue that DUI tests violate your 5th amendment rights. Unless you’re MS State Supreme Court Judge Chuck McCrae (who has pulled this stunt twice), they don’t find you funny and bad things happen.[/sub]

And remember, IANAL or IANAC.

Grandma? That you?

I don’t drive after I’ve had any amount of drink because whether or not I am “legally” impaired, I can tell I am not 100% on the ball. I stop drinking way before I have to drive.

Never understimate the stupidity of people though. In the recent hit and run thread, I mentioned my friend’s only sister being mowed down and killed by a drunk in NYC a few years ago. That same friend has himself still driven while intoxicated. He even got pulled over for it, less than six months after putting his sister in the ground. Asshole.

I don’t know the laws on mobile phone usage in automobiles in the US, but there is a report out in the UK which has found:

I suspect that the reality is that it should read ‘just over the drink-drive limit’; I don’t think anyone’s seriously comparing mobile phone usage with someone who’s completely paralytic behind the wheel.

So; anyone going to change their mobile-usage habits?

Right on man. I enjoy a number of substances that cause one’s consciousness to be altered, and I recognize that this is not the safest or smartest hobby in the world to have, but it’s unsafe TO ME.

One thing I have never done, and I will never, EVER do is get behind the wheel of a car when I am less that 100% in a totally sober state of mind. Nor do I ride with others who have been indulging, but I see it often enough that it really pisses me off.

If someone I knew hurt themselves, the person riding with them, or ESPECIALLY some other person that was just driving around going about their business I would find it really difficult to forgive them. This is such a stupid way to put a lot of people at risk. You ASSHOLES! Just don’t do it.



I’m sorry, but did I read that correctly “The squadron?” as in the armed forces?? as in this fucknickle is in the service and part of the response is to 'make sure some one is available to drive his idiotness home should he imbibe too much again???"
Cranky I have the same standard. NOt everyone does, wish they did, 'cause not too many folks really have a good idea of what their BAL is.

I have absolutely no idea what my BAL is, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk. Though, before I moved out on my own,I did enjoy a Marquarita with dinner. But since I’ve moved, I don’t know anybody who can come and pick me up if I imbibe too much, and my husband doesn’t have a driver’s license. Therefore, I’m stuck driving. Therefore, I haven’t had any alcohol for almost a year. Which is too bad, because I love Rum and Coke, and Marquaritas…

Too bad more people can’t be responsible for themselves.

Yes. And yes, this response is part of a solution. It is not addressing the fact that people are drinking themselves to oblivion, it is to take measures to give such an embalmbed individual one more option, before he turns the starter over. Call it an ounce of prevention. I personally would rather be woken up in the middle of the night on a call, and spare someone’s career and maybe life, with a free, safe, and confidential ride home, than to do nothing. If you have any other ideas, I’d be glad to hear them.

I understand that some of the guys and gals in our squadron are pretty young, and a lot of them are 18, 19, and 20 - and it’s just these types that may not know how to handle their liquor. Unfortunately, these younger people tend to make up most of the alcohol violations (including underage drinking).

But I reaffirm my extreme dissapointment in some of the people that continue to do so. Fuckin’ morons, the lot of them.


A couple of years ago a friend of mine tied one on and then went out for a cruise in his SUV.

He took a turn from one back country road to another a little too fast and the SUV did what SUVs tend to do in situations like that - it turned over.

My soused friend and his equally 3 sheets to the wind companion were both thrown out of their vehicle. The friend was comatose for a number of weeks before regaining consciousness - but not all of his marbles. Those will never return.

My friend, on the other hand, was scraped off the pavement as a barely breathing bucket full of wasted life. He survived long enough to put his parents through the grief of huddling beside his bed praying that their little boy, their only son, would look at them just one more time. He never did. He also never made it to college, never got to football camp, never turned 19.

To this day I am of the opinion that my friend did not die of an accident or a head injury. He died of stupidity. He died when he was stupid enough to get behind the wheel of a 4000 lb instrument of death and mayhem after he had successfully pickled his liver in ethanol. He died because he did the dumbest, most irresponsible thing he ever could have done, and he paid the price for it. He suffered in agony for over 12 hours until the swelling in his brain became too great and his body finally gave out. And the only reason that it happened was because he was too dumb and stubborn to not drive.

I will never understand people who think drinking and driving isn’t a big deal… but you know what? He didn’t think it was a big deal either. I guess when you’re wrong, sometimes you’re really wrong.

Standing tall before the Man is not high on my list of things to do, so there is absolutely NO WAY that I EVER do something that stupid. Besides, I have a family coming, things are panning out, why would I want to?

And having to explain to an Officer why I was such an idiot is practically inconcievable to me.

Trip, I hope you tore this guy’s balls off. He doesn’t deserve to wear the uniform.

And when you’re done ripping into him, pass him down to this two-striper. I need the practice too. :wink:


If you refuse the tests in Texas you are arrested and your license is suspended, just as if you take the test and fail. It can’t be used as proof of your guilt in court, but you get to go to jail and have your license suspended long before you get a trial (though you can appeal the suspension and maybe get it overturned).