I pride myself on having a nice television and a nice DVD player. I have these things because of my nice DVD collection , (of which I am also proud), because I love watching movies at home. I stopped enjoying going to the movies years ago. Too many people, too many people talking, and too expensive. It costs me ~$15.00 to go see a movie, roughly $8.00 for the ticket at the local Uberplex, and $7.00 for a large Coke and popcorn (must haves). Why not just buy a DVD for that price or less?
So I put money into my ‘home theater’. I have 104 DVDs. War movies, comedies, Scifi, fantasy, drama, por-…errr, lots of movies. All sorts. I don’t prefer a genre, I prefer good movies.
When I put in a DVD, hot popcorn and icey-cold Coke at my side, I want to get to the Goddamned menu, quickly, select my Goddamned options, quickly, and start the Goddamned movie, quickly.
I do NOT want:
A fucking mini-prelude to the movie. I am already watching it, (or trying to), for fucks sake. I don’t need a teaser. I don’t need to be tricked into not ripping the DVD out. I don’t need to be cajoled into inactivity for a few seconds. I have, of my own free will, decided to pop in whatever movie. SO GET TO THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING PUPPYRAPING SHITEATING MOVIE!!! More precisely, get to the menu. There couldn’t be anything wrong with the menu, could there?..
Well, I want to select ‘Dolby 5.1’ and ‘Play Movie’. But because DVD layout designers are learn their trade while suckling on the teat of Satan, I have to put up with FUCKING POOPSHIT FROOFY EYECANDY MENUS!!!. Goddamned motherfuckers! Just give me the menu! It adds no value to the movie to have a cute menu layout, and it detract value from their lives, since I will ram my copy of Simple Web Sites: Organizing Content-Rich Web Sites into Simple Structures down their fucking throats.
Quick and easy to navigate. That all I am asking for at the beginning of a DVD-watching experience. Only Dogma has a moderately interesting DVD ‘froofy factor’ in the menu; 103 others can fuck off and die.
:sigh: I suppose I’m off to grab a copy of Serpico. At least the old tranferred-media flicks tend to have better (simpler and faster) layouts.